Going the Distance: LDR's

Long distance relationships are commonly associated with couples where one person is in the military, or as a result of online dating. I’ve personally never dated a guy who lived outside of my own city. But as I set for Spain in about a week, my close distance relationship of five amazing years is set to become a long distance one. As stated by romance coach Leslie Karsner, what some people fail to understand is that “no one chooses to be in a long distance relationship, often times they choose you.” As straining and impractical it will be, we don’t intend on breaking up over it. According to Stephen Blake, best selling author of ‘Loving your Long Distance Relationship,’ there are about 10 million couples in a long distance relationship worldwide (LDR).

So how do you go the distance with an LDR?

DEFINE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Are you seeing each other, boyfriend-girlfriend or engaged? You need a title. Define exclusivity. Are you allowed to see other people? This will help avoid misunderstanding later down the line.


SCHEDULE COMMUNICATION
Agree to communicate a certain number of times in a period. “Keeping each other informed of the friendships you have with other people and the events that take place in your personal life is a great way to keep your relationship alive and healthy; and continues to make your partner a part of your life” (eNotAlone). This may be through email, texting, calling, or skyping. Let your partner know in advance if you won’t be able to make it on a particular occasion. Consider time differences and work which mobile deals will give you the best rates.


VISIT EACH OTHER
People in relationships don’t spend the whole time talking; oftentimes you’re actually doing things together. Since you’ll be sacrificing this part of your relationship (and let’s face it, that’s a massive chunk), make vacations to see each other.

While I’m going to be experiencing a lot of firsts (the first time living out of home - let alone in another country where they speak a different language, doing my own washing, cooking, paying bills, etc.) – my boyfriend will also be going through his own whirlwind of a year by undertaking honours at uni. Unfortunately for us, honours students don’t get holidays like normal undergraduates do – which cancels out all chances of him visiting me. I guess we’re just going to have to work that little bit harder in other areas…


TRUST EACH OTHER
“Stories will begin to revolve around people you’ve never heard of and [he or she will] begin to take on certain characteristics you won’t recognize” (AskMen). That much is inevitable. With that said however, “as long as you are both interested in being in the relationship… distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match—or someone else is a better match—your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall” (WikiHow).


EXCHANGE BELONGINGS
“Give them a personal object of yours so in a time of need, when they miss you, they are able to hold on to something that once belonged to you” (WikiHow).


SURPRISE THEM
Turn up by surprise, or send a thoughtful gift – like an inside joke item.


Whether you're the one that leaves or the one that gets left behind, no doubt that LDR's are hard. Here's to hoping for the best.

Love, Noeline
xox

A message

To my beautiful readers,

Merry Christmas!


Love, Noeline
xox

Amazing

Gotcha!

Love, Noeline
xox

Private Parts: Penmanship

I think it's the little things about people that say the most about them. For example, for me there's something intimate, personal and private about people's handwriting. It fascinates me.

As much as technology and computers have simplified the labour of paperwork and filing cabinets - I think it has also impersonalised our personal lives. I mean, when was the last time you wrote something down, like really wrote something down? I've been in a few situations where friends were required to fill something out, only for them to say "Man, I haven't written anything down in ages, I've forgotten how to write!" You might know your best friend's mobile number off by heart, but would you be able to spot their handwriting if you ever saw it?

My boyfriend and I don't interact much over the interwebs. We're a bit more old fashioned, which I love. He leaves notes for me in my room. When he went away on holidays, rather than sending emails he kept a notebook and wrote to me in it, and gave it to me to read when he came back. I always bag him out about how incredibly messy his handwriting is, about how slow he writes and his bad grammar - but truth is I wouldn't have it any other way. It's just so him.






I on the other hand have always held my pen incorrectly. When I was in year four, I was the first person in the whole grade to get my pen license. But if my teacher only saw my handwriting now, she'd probably faint. My handwriting depends on who I'm writing to, my mood, and how much time I have - which makes me a graphologists worst nightmare.

I write like this 90% of the time, especially during uni lectures. It's messy enough for me to write fast, and legible enough for me to guess what it says when referring back to them later.

I write like this when neatness is a priority and I'm probably going to be studying from it later on - like notes on Spanish grammar.

For when I'm feeling fun and laid back.

When I'm in a downright rush.

I press down so hard leave impressions overleaf.

Graphology is the science of analysing people's handwriting to make deductions abut their personality. They'd probably go "fuck this chick" and assign me with multi-personality disorder. Nonetheless, below is a rough guideline for analysing your own handwriting, and that of others if you're privileged enough to see it. Taken from PersonalityQuiz.net

1. Your letters slope,

Backward - indicates that you are shy, hesitant and afraid to show your feelings.

Straight up and down - indicates that you are a person with a strong need for contact.

Forward - indicates that you are reticent and self-controlled.



2. The letters in your words are,

Fully connected - indicates that you are a social person who likes to talk and meet others.

Partially connected - indicates that you are a shy, idealistic person who does not find it easy to have relationships.

Unconnected - indicates that you are a person who thinks before acting, intelligent and thorough.



3. The spaces between your words are,

Wide - indicates that you are reserved, shy, cautious, and thoughtful.

Narrow - indicates that you are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!

No spaces - indicates that you are impatient and self-confident.



4. How close together are your lines of writing?

Very far apart - indicates that you are isolated, detached and reserved.

Apart far enough that letters do not touch - indicates that you enjoy social interactions and are talkative.

Close enough so that the descendants touch the ascendants - indicates that you like to be organized.



5. What color ink did you choose?

Blue black - indicates that you are rational and conservative. You adhere to conventions and traditions.

Red - indicates that you are spiritual rather than material, and may have a deep understanding of other people's problems.

Light blue - indicates that you are strong, vital, energetic and affectionate. You also have an original approach.



6. How large was your capital I in the sample?

Larger than the other capital letters - indicates that you are a person with a high opinion of yourself, or who wants others to think that you do.

Smaller than other capitals - indicates that you are well adjusted and harmonious, a person content with your current role.



7. What do your t bars look like?

Crossbars tend to be to the left of the stem of the 't' - indicates that you are cautious, possibly uncertain about things.

Cross the 't' more or less in the middle - indicates that you are not very original but quite responsible.

Crossbars tend to be to the right of the stem of the 't' - indicates that you are reliable and conscientious with leadership qualities.



8. Your writing slopes,

Upward - indicates that you are energetic, optimistic, and assertive.

Downward - indicates that you are steadfast, purposeful, and possibly aloof.



9. Which takes the most space vertically in a line of your writing?

The ascenders - indicates that you are idealistic, ambitious, and intuitive.

The middle zone letters - indicates that you are a materialist, and prone to exaggeration.

The descenders - indicates that you have a tendency to be bossy.



10. How much pressure does your writing show?

Fine and spidery - indicates that you are a person of sensitivity, refinement, modesty, and spirituality. You may also be overly critical and austere.

Firm and even - indicates that you are a person of strong but rigid will, obstinate but powerful.

Heavy - indicates that you are a person of energy and elasticity, able to roll with the punches and adapt to whatever life brings.

What does your handwriting say about you?

Love, Noeline
xox

Being oblivious never worked out so good

I don’t normally divulge in things about my private life on this blog. But I promise it will be a little bit more interesting than telling you about the outfit I put together today.

The desire to travel and the refusal to throw parties for oneself is a bad combination, especially for friends who like farewell parties (or any parties for that matter).

I have no idea where I it came from, but I have this weird mentality where I feel uncomfortable throwing events in my own honour. Whatever it was that convinced Egyptian kings to have pyramids built in the name of their own self-glorification – well, I don’t have any of it. Zilch. Nada.

I can’t even muster buying real jewellery for myself without feeling lame. I’d rather they came freely from other people. So while my jewellery count stands at zero, I was recently surprised with a farewell party by my beautiful cousins.

I was expecting to have lunch in the city with my cousins, my brother and his girlfriend followed by dinner and clubbing with a friend.

Moments after arriving in the city however, an apologetic message from my friend broke that “some hectic family shit just came up,” and that we’d have to postpone our plans to some other time.

Upon meeting up with one cousin, we headed towards George Street where our other cousin was supposedly exchanging some money for his mum. I was lead towards this supposed money exchange (that by the way looked nothing like an office building).

While waiting for the elevator I noticed someone standing uncomfortably close to me. I looked to my side and recognised my boyfriend who was supposed to be at work that day. Turns out they didn’t need him to come in, and decided to hang out with us instead. Funny thing is, my boyfriend was apparently walking alongside us from the moment I met up with my cousin, and on numerous occasions walked straight past him without noticing. His pretending to be a stranger invading my personal space entertainingly turned my snobbery into a practical joke, especially for my cousins who saw the whole thing.

We got off on the 13th floor, and I made it all the way inside a hotel apartment without suspecting a thing.
“Where’s Raynald [our cousin], and why are we here?”
“This is for you, it’s for your farewell. Surprise!”
With tears in my eyes I hugged them one by one.

We had dinner on our balcony with a view, and another cousin arrived just in time to join us.

Later that night, my very friend who cancelled dinner because of family issues turned up at the hotel. They were all in on it.

After that, two more cousins arrived. (Yes, I have more cousins than the average bear).

It was a memorable night to say the least. I love them so much, and I thank God for blessing me with such beautiful friends and family. I’m going to miss them.

Thank you so much: Nicolo (party planner and life saver), EJ (esp. for eating the shy piece), Charisse (esp. for your camera when mine died), Chester, Raynald (esp. for your credit card that paid for the hotel), Sunita, Brieanna, Geraldine (esp. for your towels) and Jason.








Love, Noeline
xox

The Shy Piece

Have you ever noticed 'the shy piece?' It's the last piece of food that most people are too shy or too polite to take. It occurs when a collective group of people all believe somebody else probably wants it more than they do, or that someone else has already called mental 'dibs' on it. In severe circumstances, this poor piece of food winds up cold to the point of being unappetizing.

I laugh a little inside every time I see one. I might even start a photo collection of them.

A shy piece of salt and pepper squid from my work Christmas party.

Love, Noeline
xox

Words

Reality depresses me

We spend a lot of our lives growing into things that are at first too big. When I started high school, mum bought every item of my uniform about two sizes too big. "You'll grow into it," she'd say. Little did we know that was around the time I'd stop growing any taller.

For me, the world itself is a bit like that. When I was little the world was such a promising place. I couldn't wait to grow into it, to be a part of it and contribute to it in more tangible ways than a colouring book or a recount about my weekend. As much as I loved learning and going to school, I just wanted to get out there into the real world and do real things.

The city seemed full of important people bustling in and out of tall important buildings doing important work. I even looked up to the local grocer and the check-out people at my local supermarket. When you're barely a metre high yourself, everyone else seems to walk around with a sense of self-assuredness. In a big, complicated world they all seemed to know what they were doing, and in their own little ways they were organising it. I was fascinated.

But now I know what they mean when they say that ignorance is bliss. All those toy cash registers are nothing like real life cash registers. They crash a lot, and sometimes it doesn't feel like taking eftpos. So you get yelled at customers who blame it on the company rather than technology. Sometimes they take it out on you, personally. Like we're choosing not to make it work, because we're entertained by people screaming at us.

Those tall important buildings are actually full of people running around like headless chickens. It's full of people being given too much work by managers who do next to nothing, it's full of people working overtime to get them done and not being recognised for it.

It's full of women not earning enough as men because they're women, full of women not becoming managers because they're too emotional, it's full of women not getting promoted because they get pregnant - in other words, it's full of women being disrespected in fancy ways.

It's full of interns learning nothing, abused for their willingness to please, who spend the best part of their days on coffee runs and lunch runs.

It's full of people being "too young" or "too old" to be hired, discriminated by companies who prioritise budget before productivity and the skill of its employees.

Its full of people who can't get experience because there are more jobs that demand experience than offer training.

It's full of people trying to run businesses in the 21st century with computer systems designed in the 90's, but can't do anything about it because CEO's would rather sacrifice long term productivity than spend "too much" money on building faster, better, more streamlined programs - CEO's that claim the system works "just fine" but have never been on the shop floor and tried to use it them selves.

It's full of managers with double standards, who claim to have a "performance based roster" yet give more shifts to the staff they get along with and can flirt with, who enforce rules on other people but refuse to follow it them selves.

The only thing that amazes me now, is how, amidst all the chaos of workplace politics, the world I once admired for its functionality hasn't already completely fallen apart.

The more I learn about the world the more depressing it gets. I wish I could be more positive but am struggling for places to find hope. Maybe this next year abroad will do me some good, distract my disappointment in the experiences of travel and the goodness of people.

Love, Noeline
xox

The Facebook Icon From Hell

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Why does the new 'Suggest Friends' icon look like the Shittyrail logo? I almost fogot about the train that got cancelled on me yesterday. Am I going to be forced to relive bad memories everytime I log onto Facebook? JODER! (That's Spanish for...)

Love, Noeline
xox

Sticky - adjective.

The impression given of girls who party in excess without taking showers in between. They are marked by unwashed hair and make-up applied on top of old make-up whilst singing badly e.g. "Kesha's so sticky. Like if you touched her your finger would stick to her skin" - Josh Leigh. "Look those girls are even stickier than Kesha, they're sticking together as they dance" - David Chaplin.




Love, Noeline
xox

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready - H.D. Thoreau

Maybe it's a form of tween angst, but recently I've noticed a lot of people retorting that they’re 'sick of Sydney' and just 'want to get away from it all.' Where? 'Anywhere but here,' they say. Although I laud their desire to go out and see the world, and try new things – I can't help but wonder whether some people are just saying it in vain. Like it was said as an expression of frustration or boredom than actual intent. As if packing your bags and flying off to another country is easy, as if traveling itself and adjusting to another culture is simple. So what do you do when you don't live on the set of Gossip Girl? When you don’t have the luxury of running off to The Bahamas when experiencing boyfriend problems?

There are enough blogs out there littered with pictures of the Eifel tower and other travel destinations. What I want to see more of are less people accompanying these pictures with excuses. You can and should do something about it. What are you waiting for?

I feel like I have at least somewhat of a right to say these things because I myself don't come from a wealthy family. Unlike some families who regularly go on vacations, we haven't been overseas in more than a decade. I come from a single income household. I don't get allowance. I help my mum out with the bills. I'm too old to receive child support. I make too much for Centrelink. If you're better off than me in any of these ways you've already got a head start.

A lot of people wonder how I ever managed to save enough money to fund the year that I'll be spending overseas. For the past three years I juggled full time uni with two part-time jobs. When I didn't get enough shifts at one, I found another. Most nights I stayed up past midnight to keep up with uni work. I budgeted. I packed my lunch as often as I could (I lie, my mum does it for me). My outings were few and far between. I lost friends who didn't respect why I couldn’t 'just call in sick' to work, who misinterpreted my inability to eat out, to go shopping or out clubbing with them as a sign that I didn’t want to spend time with them. I researched financial institutions and invested my money in an account that accrued interest, and moved it again when I found another one better. I learned that it’s okay to buy an expensive pair of leather shoes if it'll last longer than ten pairs of cheap synthetic ones. Buying cheap things on a whim doesn't necessarily work out cheaper per se.

I'm not trying to glorify myself. All of these things people my age are perfectly capable of doing, with or without the same hardships, but choose not to do. I'm not saying it was easy. It was fucking hard. But the best things in life are usually the things you worked your arse off for i.e. love, raising children, etc.

Some people spend their whole lives waiting for the perfect time that never comes; they turn into old people with regrets. But at some point you’re always going to be sacrificing something. I sacrificed my social life (and maybe a bit of my sanity) to do be able to travel in my early twenties. So I could travel whilst on the cusp of international legal age, when my body was at its fittest (which at the moment, isn't actually very fit), and my stamina at its highest (which, again, isn't very high). People who decide to focus on their careers first might find they have to sacrifice a potential promotion in order to travel. People who decide to have children first might find they have to sacrifice some activities for the more family-friendly ones.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's possible to be in your late teens or early twenties and start taking hold of your own life, to determine your own destiny instead of waiting for others. And it doesn’t have to do with traveling; I mean it for anything in life, for everything in life. Whatever it is, if you’re not going for it, it’s a sign you must not really want it.

People my age tell each other that they don’t have enough money to go out. There’s an expectation amongst us that it’s bad to have money saved up for something greater than a drunken night on the town. I hope it changes. I hope you go for what you want.

Love, Noeline
xox


Logroño, La Rioja. My new home next year. So picturesque it looks like a painting.

Good side, bad side

During my time I’ve been fortunate enough to witness the eve of social networking. Despite it or because of it, my generation is considered self-obsessed, fascinated with broadcasting our selves on the Internet. These include our thoughts posted on Facebook or Twitter (of which our updates are probably nowhere as interesting as we think they are), or in the form of photos (of which we probably look nothing like in real life).

Not that it makes our opinions or photographs any less 'authentic,' but I like to think of our self-customised profiles as 2-D versions of the people they represent.

Words on a screen are rarely received in the tone we implied them to be, and photos posted tend to capture people at their most flattering.

A few days ago I was perusing through someone’s photo album on Facebook. After admiring her dress, her new hair-do and nice make-up – I realised that throughout the hundred or so photos in this album, she looked as if she was 'copy-pasted' into every single one. Whether she was in a photo with one other person or ten other people, without fail she was standing on the same side, same angle, same pose, same smile.

And then I remembered the numerous times I’ve posed for group photos, only to have friends fight over which ‘side’ to pose on because it was their most flattering. There will be a quarrel, the winner will make it their profile picture, the loser complies but will later 'untag' them selves from said picture.

According to the website Beauty Tips Online on 'How to be photogenic and look good in pictures,'

Most people have a "good side" and a "bad side"… by taking a close look at yourself in the mirror, you will probably discover that one side looks better. Maybe it's a scar on your face or the way your hair falls. When you learn which side looks better, you can angle yourself so that your best side is prominent. If you're posing for a casual group photo, be the first up there so you can choose your spot. Accentuate your best features and pose your body in such a way to hide your flaws… practice posing in a full-length mirror.

But on a deeper level, extreme levels of such behaviour can lead to issues of self-esteem and disrupt social functioning. A sufferer of Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) reveals:

When I turn my head to the left, that side of my face is thinner, smaller, my nose is straight and pointed, my cheeks are sharp, my eyes are on the same level and the proportions look fine. However, when I turn my head to the right, that side of my face is fatter, bigger, my nose is curved and wonky, my cheeks are fat, my eyes are not on the same level, my eyebrows are wonky and the proportions look completely out of place. When I decide to actually go out, I am constantly planning how to position myself so that nobody is viewing my 'ugly' side. I hate photos, but when I do take them it's always of my good side. The other side looks like a different, uglier person. When people are on that 'ugly' side, I feel extremely self-conscious and avoid looking at them. I hate it so much. It's gotten to a point where I’ve missed 50% of school because I hate being on that hideous side where everyone can observe and see how different it is from my prettier side.
(Source: PsychForums)

It’s no wonder that symptoms of BDD appear during adolescence, when people start to become critical of their appearance. In the pictures we post of ourselves online we see the convergence of two inner conflicts: the pressure to participate in social networking and the pressure to look good.

Love, Noeline
xox

Draw the rest of the fucking head

I don't know why but I find this really hilarious.

Being solitary is being alone well - Alice Koller

Depending on who you are as a person, it may come as a shock or a downright bore to you that last Friday I went to the 'Sculptures by the Sea' exhibition in Bondi Beach... by myself.

It was a spur of the moment decision I made the night before, just before going to bed. Most of my friends were either at work or uni (I was skipping it myself in order to go).

I asked my boyfriend, but had previous plans with his family. I asked my mum, but she had a headache.

I've been wanting to go for years. I don't particular remember what kept stopping me, but this year I wasn't going to let being alone be one of them.

I can't recall the last time I had so much fun by myself (no pun intended). After months, maybe even years of spending my days surrounded by other people, it was nice to be alone with my own thoughts, to get to know myself again.

I was scared I'd end up counting the hours, like you do when you're stuck somewhere you don't want to be. But before I knew it a whole day had passed, I practically left home at 10 and didn't look at my watch till 4.

For anyone whose ever surrounded themselves with other people just to get away from themselves, it was a relief to find that I actually liked my own company.

I think everyone needs to have days like these every once in a while. To reconfigure yourself in the universe, just to check you're where you thought you are.

Of course, you won't always like what you find. Which is why some people don't like being alone. Because they're too scared to meet the person they've become.

But in a way that's a good thing too. It could be a wake up call for change, a personal intervention.

I'll admit, I'm a different person around different people. It's not about being fake, it's about being human. Heck, I have to change my accent just so my mum can understand me. It's just that different parts of me get along with different types of people.

But who are you when you're with no one but yourself? That's you in your entirety.

Love, Noeline
xox

I lived in solitude in the country and noticed how the monotony of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind - Albert Einstein

It is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it - Rainer Maria Rilke

Being solitary is being alone well: being alone luxuriously immersed in doings of your own choice, aware of the fullness of your own presence rather than of the absence of others. Because solitude is an achievement - Alice Koller

Yellow Ranger, Black Ranger

Toyskie: Do you like guys with yellow cars?
Me: No, I think it's slightly feminising.
Toyskie: What? Since when is yellow a feminine colour?
Me: Since forever.
Toyskie: Since the yellow ranger?
Me: She was asian, remember?
Toyskie: And the black ranger was black. Coincidence?

How to get to...

1) Go to Google maps.
2) Click on "Get Directions."
3) Type China as the start location.
4) Type Japan as the end location.
5) Scroll to direction #42.
6) Laugh, and repost.

Just let me put my dick on

I've been working on the retail side of a telecommunications company for about five months now.

After having worked in clothing for so long, I started this job feeling positive and up for a new challenge. I've come from talking about brands, materials, fits and accessories to megabits, megapixels and gigabytes. I'm getting my head around what feels like a million different computer systems.

Although I love the people I work with, a few customers are the ones making me feel like I don't belong.

I can't tell you how many times I've tried explaining company protocol, business rules and procedures to a dissatisfied male customer.

You won't believe how often they don't believe me.

You won't believe how many times I've had to 'double check' with a male colleague for their satisfaction, only to have him say the exact same thing.

You won't believe how many times their word was taken over mine.

In this day and age you're either submissive and feminine or assertive and a dike.

The next time you expect to be served by a guy, only to get served by a girl instead, understand that she is there by virtue. Understand that she went through the exact same application process as the others and was still the better person for the job. You should be admiring her, not putting her down.

For as long as there are gender biased people there will be gender based occupations.

Love, Noeline
xox

How to move to another country

The romanticism of moving to a new country is so misleading. So I'd like to share with you, my dear readers, my stress.

[x] Buy a massive-ass suitcase
[x] Renew passport
[x] Travel insurance
[x] Plane ticket
[x] Get police fingerprint check
[ ] A (second) matriculation letter from my university in Spain saying I've been enrolled, my subjects, and the commencement/end dates of my course (the first copy from them didn't meet consulate standards!)
[ ] A bank statement proving I have enough funds to support myself
[ ] A medical certificate clearing my health
[ ] Book an appointment with the consulate to get my VISA
[ ] Exchange money into Euro
[ ] Apply for Centrelink
[ ] Pass Spanish 4 (no pass, no go)

Getting a police fingerprint check will either be one of the easiest, or hardest things in the world. With my luck, it was the latter. I went to one near uni after class, but they only do them on weekends. So I asked for the appropriate form, so I could fill it out during my 1 hour commute to my local police station.
When I got there, the attending constable had no idea what they were doing. They were making up information saying I was given the wrong form, and that my uni should have issued me the appropriate one. They then refused to give me the $175 police check the consulate specifically asked of us. They insisted on issuing me with a $52 background check, minus the fingerprints. Whenever I tried explaining my situation, they would talk over me saying that the $175 one is only for people applying for working visas and are going to be working with children. Since I had my credit card as part of my ID sitting on the counter, they went ahead and charged me $52. When I showed them documentation from the consulate that explicitly stated requiring the more expensive check, they refused to give me a refund - saying it would take 6 weeks (if that) for the cheque to arrive at my house. So they charged me the remaining amount on a different receipt with an incorrect product description (here's to hoping the uni will still rebate me my money). After leaving the police station I got a call back saying they wouldn't send my fingerprints for internal examination without a registered envelope, in case it got lost. So the next weekday I bought a registered envelope from the post office. I was advised that registered envelopes MUST be posted over the counter of a post office and NOT in a post box. So now I had the added burden of hoping that the policeman/woman whose hands my documents ended up in would be so kind enough as to take the time out of their busy schedule and line up in a post office to send my shit away. Upon arrival at my local police station, there was a different person attending the counter. I explained my situation, that I had already been there previously and was just dropping off an envelope to send my documents away. My fingerprints were there but my form was missing. Whereas the previous constable told me they kept no such forms on the premises, this one pulled out a whole stack from underneath the counter and got me to refill one. She then told me that I actually didn't need to provide a registered envelope, because postage was included in the cost. FMFL (Fuck My Fucking Life).

I've come to realise it's all pot luck within and between police stations. I've had friends who had no problems, and friends who had just as much drama as I. And it sucks because it's not like you can complain about the level of police customer service over something so insignificant in the grand scheme of things they have to worry about (i.e. actual crime).

Even with getting a medical certificate from the doctor, I've had friends who didn't have to undergo ANY tests whatsoever. My doctor insisted on giving me a blood test, which means another week of waiting for the results and picking them up.

Another friend of mine going to the same university managed to get all of her paperwork together last week and booked an appointment with the consulate. Her matriculation letter got rejected because it wasn't specific enough. Besides our name, the four of us girls going to La Rioja pretty much got issued the same one. So we've emailed our adviser asking her to tell the uni we need new ones. But alas, our adviser is sick and has not been replying.

All these little delays are keeping me from booking an appointment with the Spanish consulate who I have to show all this documentation to, who them selves take weeks to process VISAS. Did I mention it's holiday season soon = there's going to be a fuck load of other people getting their VISAs processed, and we're all going to slow each other the hell down! I honestly wouldn't be surprised if I don't end up leaving on time.

Thank God for my scholarship giving me one less thing to worry about (accommodation).

On top of all this I've got five assignments to hand in over the next 11 days :(

I can't wait till this is over and I can look back at this entry and laugh.

Love, Noeline
xox

If you use Cityrail, you'll know what I mean

So today I was on the train and a lad starts playing music over the loudspeaker of his phone at full blast.

This attracted another lad from the opposite end of the carriage to walk over and say "Oi, hectic song. You reckon you could bluetooth it to me bro?"

They hit it off and next thing you know they're trading songs by DMX and Akon. "You like Tupac bro? I got a couple Tupac songs too if you wan'em. Here let me play it."

FML

Hair Expectations

I'm so cool I spent my Saturday night googling hairstyles on the internet. But seriously, I've had the same haircut for so long it should be illegal. After an hour of getting nowhere it hit me.

I haven't been looking at haircuts - I've been rating celebrities.

"If I get my hair cut like this, I'm sure to look like Megan Fox. Or I could do that one and be Tyra Banks."

Am I the only one who finds myself doing this?

Hair magazines and hairstyle galleries in general are so misleading. It would be so much SOO much easier if they looked like this:






Love, Noeline
xox

Happy Fat

Over the past 5 years I’ve managed to put on 5 kilos and go up 2 sizes. Every wardrobe cleanout brings with it the sad realisation that I will probably throw out yet another pair of jeans (or two, or three or four) that no longer fit.

Maybe it's because physical education isn’t compulsory in university.

Maybe it's because I stopped going to the gym.

Maybe it's my once fast metabolism is catching up with me.

Maybe it's because my body is preparing itself for motherhood: the good hip for having kids.

Or maaaaaaaybe it's because I've gotten a little too comfortable in my relationship with my boyfriend. It's like we breathe food. We eat so much we practically waddle out of restaurants.

Commonly known as happy fat, this blog will explore the latter possible cause. According to Urban Dictionary, “happy fat is the fat a person puts on during a happy relationship”.

So I asked a few of the kind folks on my Facebook whether or not they believed it existed. Here's what they said:

• If that was true, obese people would be the happiest people in the world. 'Relationship weight' is the term, and I read an article that it averages 7kgs.
• How do you spend time with you partner? You go out to eat, then you go out to eat some more. One year later you have happy fat. LOL I’m living proof.
• Yes, I reckon people just feel so comfortable that they sorta 'let go'? Psychologically they feel they don’t have to impress anyone.
• Depends on the person, generally I believe it is true. However, there are couples whom are both active and like to maintain their health and fitness... then there are those who do not.
• Yes. LOL. They get too comfortable with their partners so they kinda 'let go.'
• Yes, because you tend to always go out dining together and feed each other. LOL My friend has gained a bit of weight in her happy relationship, especially when you love one another so much you don't care about the physical appearance side nor worry about maintaining your figure.
• In a way I do think its true... they start to become a lot more comfortable with each other, their personalities are enough to keep them in the relationship so they kinda let loose.

It seems that happy fat comes with letting go. Of trying to look good. Of exercising. Of eating healthy (or at least less). We let go because someone loves us just the way we were, are and will be.

The sad part of it is that so much of courtship is centered around food – of meeting up for coffee, dining out, greasy late night snacks and morning-after breakfasts. Christina Fernando, author of How to Avoid Relationship Weight Gain explains that “food has become a ritualistic way for couples to bond.” Heck we celebrate anniversaries with food.

Furthermore, "a study conducted by Cornell University found that newlyweds gain more weight on average than single people or widowers or divorcees, usually within the first two years of getting married" (Lifescript).

If this keeps up, I wonder how people in the future will ask each other out. "Hey, I like you. Wanna go for a jog sometime?"

Love, Noeline
xox

Does my bum look big in this?

Ladies I've found our protein equivalent! Dime Curves is "guaranteed to give you a curvaceous, full, and prominent butt."

LOL.



Love, Noeline
xox

Overheard

You can't say naughty words, but you can say the word 'naughty' - that one's okay. And you can think about naughty things too but just don't say them out loud. And if you say them you have to make sure the police don't catch you.
- Little boy to his dad on the train

Love, Noeline
xox

Never Say No To Panda

I absolutely LOVELOVELOVE these ads for Egyptian Panda Cheese. Gets me every time.







Love, Noeline
xox

It's got to be perfect

My boyfriend and I were out driving one night. Funnily enough, he was the one to point out how nice our view of the city was. But all it did was make me feel uncomfortable and uneasy. What a waste of all that electricity. Do all those people really need the light on? I felt a compulsion to head on over there and start switching everyone’s light off.

"You’re weird! I wish you never told me that about you," joked my boyfriend. At least I hope he was joking.

Unperturbed, I continued to tell him about all the other things that make me feel anxious. Like the sound of running tap water, especially when it’s surging. I’m one of those people who use the minimum amount of water pressure needed to get the job done. I understand if you’re trying to put out a fire, but do you really need that much water pressure to wash your hands, to do the dishes, to take a shower? It drives me crazy! So naturally I’m the Good Samaritan of public bathrooms who switches running taps off. I curse the bitches who leave them on! Water fountains I’m okay with because I know (or assume) that the water is being recycled.

And it’s weird because I don’t consider myself a big environmentalist.

Also, the books on my bookshelf all have to be facing the same way, and categorised first by genre then by height. All my clothes hangers have to face the same way - so that from the front the hooks form a "C" shape. The clothes in my wardrobe are sorted by season (summer or winter), then by style (jeans, dresses, business, etc), then by colour. When cleaning the pantry, everything is sorted into groups (dried fruit, sauces, asian ingredients, western ingredients, etc) with all labels facing the front and in height order to make for easy navigation. The cards in my wallet are sorted from the most to the least used. The end of the toilet paper roll has must come from the top, not the bottom.

By now you probably think I’m crazy and I hope this doesn’t stop you from reading my blog ever again. But my personal idiosyncrasies got me thinking about a condition called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, commonly known as OCD.

According to Anxiety Australia, people who suffer from OCD are "characterised by recurrent obsessions or compulsions that are time consuming or cause significant distress or impairment.

"Obsessions are persistent ideas, thoughts, images or impulses which are experienced by the sufferer as anxiety provoking or distressing…

"Compulsions are observable, or covert, repetitive behaviours or mental acts which are performed to prevent or reduce the anxiety and distress of obsessions."

The National Institute of Mental Health provides the following examples:

"If people are obsessed with germs or dirt, they may develop a compulsion to wash their hands over and over again. If they develop an obsession with intruders, they may lock and relock their doors many times before going to bed… Other common rituals are a need to repeatedly check things, touch things (especially in a particular sequence), or count things. People with OCD may also be preoccupied with order and symmetry, have difficulty throwing things out (so they accumulate), or hoard unneeded items."

Now I’m not diagnosing myself with OCD. In fact, only 2-3% of Australians genuinely suffer from it (Reach Out) and require medication and/or therapy. But it definitely got me curious about the kinds of things other people are meticulous about.

Here’s some of the responses I received:
• I have problems with things being clean, especially near my bed/sleeping time. Like I shower right before bed, put on moisturiser (UNSCENTED because scented would be too dirty), wash my hands and feet again, then tiptoe back to my bedroom so my feet touch minimum amount of floor.
I can't eat too much orange food because it would dirty my insides. Doritos are an absolute hazard. (But I still love them. Torture!)
I shower morning and evening. If I wear clothes out of the house, they can't be worn around the house again or touch my bed, and if they do, I'll probably wash my sheets again just to be sure.
My fingernails and surrounding skin must be smooth when I touch them to my lips (being the most sensitive skin to test the smoothness of my nails), and if they aren't, I will literally clip them for up to an hour until they are.
Aaaaaaaaaand, I can only moisturise the back of my hands because on the palms the stuff would seep in and attack my insides, and no foundation on my face except in emergency situations (concealer around the eye skin is ok) because if anything touches my cheeks, it will also seep into my insides.
Also things must be symmetrical and lined up if I’m tired or stressed. And if I breathe and I believe my breath has come into the right side of my body more than the left, I have to sort of even it out by breathing in a left sort of way.
• I went to one of my best friend’s houses to have dinner. Afterward I tried to help her do chores so I decided to wash the dishes - the entire time I was washing them her face scrunched up and when I was done she washed them herself all over again, and then put them in the dishwasher. OCD!
• The guy I went to South America with was super anal about our itinerary. He actually made an excel spreadsheet of his entire 8 month trip in advance, detailing where he will be on each single day of the 8 months. He even colour coded it according to location and transportation methods! Talk about CRAZY.
• My best friend, she doesn't like people sitting on her bed. She thinks that germs from the outside are going to spread on her bed that way. She will get really edgy especially if you were on a bus, train or taxi prior to sitting on her bed.
She also doesn't like it when people touch her, especially on the face or hair = germs = excess oils and pimples.
She also doesn’t like sharing food or people touching food with their bare hands. Even if its her favourite food in the world, if its been touched by somebody else she will not go near it.
She likes to wear flip-flops in the shower when it’s somewhere other than her own home, and when sleeping at a hotel she will bring her own bedspreads or sleeping bag LOL.
When eating a restaurant she will ask for a cup of warm water or hot tea, just to dip her utensils in and clean them herself.
She takes a shower every time she comes home from somewhere, even if it means she’s heading out again later that day. That’s OCD I tell ya! But I love her lol.
• I don’t like people touching things in my room. If they don’t put things back at the right angle I get pissed off.
• Locking my car door. Locking my house door. Actually locking all doors... omg I've just come to the realisation that I'm OCD with any doors that must be locked what so ever.
• Having to have the door and wardrobe doors closed before I go to sleep.

What are the rest of you meticulous about?

Love, Noeline
xox

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory - Josh Billings

Poker Face Fail

I think one of the reasons I don't get along very well with other girls is because I don't amuse them with their obviously self inflicted relationship dramas.

Amidst your poorly executed anguish, you love the fact that your biggest problems in life are caused by the sexual prowess you unknowingly emanate.

You say you don't know what to do about a guy determined to be more than friends. You recite your story like he's some maniac stalker you need to take a restraining order against.

Well maybe you should stop sending him suggestive text messages. Maybe you should stop sitting on his lap. And while you're at it, maybe you should stop flirting with his friend. I dunno, just a suggestion.

If you love the attention or even if you love sex, just say so before complaining (or should I say, boasting) about the seven guys who for some unknown reason won't leave you alone. They're not the ones with problems honey - it's you.

Your gracious act doesn't work with me.

I'm not asking you to proclaim that you're a nymphomaniac at the top of your lungs in peak hour public transport. I'm just asking you to be a bit more honest in your story-telling, which in its present style unfairly represents the other characters involved.

Either that or you should invest in some acting lessons and work on that poker face of yours.

Love, Noeline
xox

Well that was unexpected

It would be selfish of me not to share this ad with you guys. Be sure to watch it all the way to the end. Hope you like it :)



Love, Noeline
xox

Grammar Lesson

Love, Noeline
xox

"Quieres ser mi amigo?"

A friend and I were talking the other day about our upcoming move to Spain next year. “I need to learn how to make new friends,” she said.

"Me too!" I chorused. Mind you, we’re third year university students about to turn 21.

"How are we supposed to make friends with Spanish speaking people, when we can’t even make friends with people in our own language?"

"I know! I’m so frigid when it comes to making friends. I never make the first move. I’m so scared of rejection. What if I ask another girl out for coffee after class and she says no? I swear, how do other people do it?"

"And it’s so bad because people see me with friends that I’m already comfortable with, and with them I’m so loud. But when then they meet me I’m shy and they think I’m being snobby, but I’m not!"

So here’s to my friend and I hardening the fuck up. Wish us luck.

Love, Noeline
xox

Pandora: making unforgettable moments memorable

If life has such unforgettable moments, why do you need overpriced Pandora charms to remind you of them?




Love, Noeline
xox

Protection. Part II

So in my previous blog we established that pre-nups are contracts drawn between people about to get married. They outline the conditions of a potential divorce, such as property settlement, child custody and/or financial division.

Similarly, financial agreements (FA’s) are contracts drawn between a couple about to enter a de-facto relationship (whereby a couple live together but aren’t married).

In March of last year, amendments were made to the Family Law Act which subjected de-facto couples (heterosexual and homosexual) to the same legal repercussions as married couples in the event of a relationship breakdown.

"Each party [in a de-facto relationship was thus] responsible for the debts they bring to the table and... leave with the assets they brought in," writes financialagreements.com.au

So apart from a marriage certificate, what then legally separates married couples from de-factos? And as lines between the two become blurred, where does it leave them? Will it promote marriage? Or discourage people from moving in together?

Instead of waiting to get married before moving in together, people used de-facto relationships as a way of trialling marriage. Crosswalk.com states that "the number of marriages preceded by cohabitation rose from about 10 percent in 1965 to over 50 percent by 1994." Could those days be fading too?

Or more importantly, does Generation Y even care [yet]? According to financialagreements.com.au, "issues about dividing property... might not concern a younger couple, but many older established couples who may have significant assets or children from an earlier relationship, may enter cohabitation a little more cautiously."

What I have noticed though is that people my age who support the idea of financial agreements and pre-nups are often accused of being pessimistic - but I think they’re just being realistic. And realistically, shit happens. As R.P. Emery and Associates puts it: they "see it as a form of insurance -- a legally binding safety net which they hope to never need."

Love, Noeline
xox

A thing for chandeliers

Love, Noeline
xox