My boyfriend gave me an apple.
My boyfriend gave me a pear.
My boyfriend gave me a kiss on the lips and threw me down the stairs.
I gave him back his apple.
I gave him back his pear.
I gave him back his kiss on the lips and threw him down the stairs.
I threw him over London.
I threw him over France.
I threw him over the Harbour Bridge and he lost his underpants.
Even from a young age, us girls were taught that revenge is not only sweet, but if done the right way- can also be funny. Every time we hand clapped to this mantra, we further instilled certain values within us. Like, if you don't have the time to wait for the coming of what goes around, take karma into your own hands and throw him off bridges, fences, cliffs... etc (sorry Mariah, but merely shaking it off doesn't feel as satisfying). Some girls seem to have forgotten about this ingeniously hidden lesson somewhere between her first kiss and her worst break-up, and I'm probably guilty of singing this song one too many times.
You can curse and you can slap, but the newest craze to hit Hollywood is to play it cool, calm and collected. We're hearing less stories about messy break-ups. To compensate for this, celebrity magazines are resorting to dedicating four page articles on what the stars are having for breakfast every second issue. Take for instance Spears and Timberlake, Cruise and Kidman, Aniston and Pitt. For the first time in a long time, we're hearing less about the nitty gritty reasons for their separation: The bathroom smelt like the city dump whenever he came out; she made this disturbing face whenever she climaxed; and the pathetic list goes on.
Sure, you may have vowed never to be with them ever again, but a little bit of 'this smile no longer smiles for you' feels EUPHORIC - especially when it's true.
Shooting him death stares and looking upset will only make him feel all the more relieved about the break up. Because he's thinking: Thank God I don't have to put up with her crying, her complaining and her mood swings anymore. You're only fooling yourself for thinking he'll feel remorseful and ask for reconciliation. Then, he'll mistake this facade as being the 'real you'.
Call me naive, but I'm sickened by the whole speech about how he's the one, how you'll never find someone like him, how you can't live without him.. yarda yarda yarda. At least at this age.
We're on the verge of hitting the late teens or early tweens, and let's face it: we're horny little devils who can't get enough of each other. I don't think anyone gives up on love for the rest of their life. We're not capable of making such decisions.
So put into practice your beautiful soul and repeat the above mantra if you must.
Give him a taste of what he's been missing.
If life is about that half empty/half full glass that everyone is raving on about, I think that people who die happy are those with their glasses full... and the only time that love accounted for the whole glass was in the late 16th century (Romeo & Juliet). So I'm afraid that we've just missed out.
A dollup of love, motivation and respect for yourself. A generous serving of family and friends. A hint of career. Just enough travel to add a bit of flavour. GET COOKING! Envisage boys as the cherry on top, because a cherry by itself?...
BITCH PLEASE, you're just selling yourself short.
Monday 5 June 2006
Thursday 1 June 2006
Why we're all sluts
Think of someone you love. Now, think of someone you hate. Finally, think of someone you love to hate, or hate to love. Stuck? Consider yourself lucky.
It's amazing beyond comprehension, how at one moment you're CRAZY over him. You were literally on the cusp of surrendering yourself to him completely.
And the next minute, the butterflies die - exterminated by the fire of resentment, fuelled by memories of him.
The same guy.
I'm talking about ex-boyfriends, the boy who used to like you, or the boy you used to like.
I'm not complaining, but rather, sharing a learned lesson. I realised that with boys like this, you only have two options. You're either his girlfriend, or you're nothing. There is no happy medium.
It still intrigues me, how he was able to 'like' you enough to eventually 'love' you as a girlfriend. Though seemingly not enough to keep in contact after a break up. I'm guessing there was a fork in the road.
I recommend that we all listen a little more closely to Robbie Williams. Sure, he may look a little gay, and his video clips might be a tad obscure, but if anything, this man does does have a point.
"Before I fall in love, I'm preparing to leave her"
Since realising this, I go into every relationship 'hoping for the best, and expecting the worst'. Face it. He might not like me anymore a month from now. He might not love me anymore by next week... And it's all okay because he's only human.
It's the same with friends. Those yellow overals (you're probably thinking 'what the?' but hang in there, there is a connection!) probably don't fit as nicely as they did when you were six years old. In the same way that we grow out of our clothes, people grow out of people.
Nick Carter and Nicole Richie will agree that there's a little but of Paris Hilton in each and every one of us. WE'RE ALL SLUTS (boys, that includes you)! Maybe not sexually, but mentally and emotionally - which is even worse. No one reading this can honestly say they've kept in contact with every friend since pre-school, or every boy they've ever crushed on.
Ahh the love, ahh the hate. Anyone who thinks life isn't an extreme sport needs to get out more.
It's amazing beyond comprehension, how at one moment you're CRAZY over him. You were literally on the cusp of surrendering yourself to him completely.
And the next minute, the butterflies die - exterminated by the fire of resentment, fuelled by memories of him.
The same guy.
I'm talking about ex-boyfriends, the boy who used to like you, or the boy you used to like.
I'm not complaining, but rather, sharing a learned lesson. I realised that with boys like this, you only have two options. You're either his girlfriend, or you're nothing. There is no happy medium.
It still intrigues me, how he was able to 'like' you enough to eventually 'love' you as a girlfriend. Though seemingly not enough to keep in contact after a break up. I'm guessing there was a fork in the road.
I recommend that we all listen a little more closely to Robbie Williams. Sure, he may look a little gay, and his video clips might be a tad obscure, but if anything, this man does does have a point.
"Before I fall in love, I'm preparing to leave her"
Since realising this, I go into every relationship 'hoping for the best, and expecting the worst'. Face it. He might not like me anymore a month from now. He might not love me anymore by next week... And it's all okay because he's only human.
It's the same with friends. Those yellow overals (you're probably thinking 'what the?' but hang in there, there is a connection!) probably don't fit as nicely as they did when you were six years old. In the same way that we grow out of our clothes, people grow out of people.
Nick Carter and Nicole Richie will agree that there's a little but of Paris Hilton in each and every one of us. WE'RE ALL SLUTS (boys, that includes you)! Maybe not sexually, but mentally and emotionally - which is even worse. No one reading this can honestly say they've kept in contact with every friend since pre-school, or every boy they've ever crushed on.
Ahh the love, ahh the hate. Anyone who thinks life isn't an extreme sport needs to get out more.
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