So when you get a class mate bragging about how "young" and therefore likeable to the opposite sex she is, you can imagine what kind of damage that does to the developing mind of a slightly older, gullible recipient.
It only seemed logical that I overhaul the list of boys I had a crush on, and base all future crushes on whether or not they were older than me; because to do otherwise would be unladylike (or rather, ungirlylike).
WHEN I WAS IN MY FIRST YEAR OF UNIVERSITY I had dinner with a boy who was five years my senior (and by senior, I'm speaking in exclusively biological terms).
Either I'm wise beyond my years, or he was actually ten years my junior (mentally and emotionally that is). Poor thing, someone must have told him that girls love hearing anecdotes about drunken tomfoolery.
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So when it comes to relationships, is there such thing as being too old or too young for someone?
WATCH YOUR STEP
According to NewScientist.com, "Men want women younger than themselves because they are physically attractive… while women tend to prioritise a partner who can provide security and stability, and so tend to opt for older men." And since wealth is usually acquired with age, and since beauty comes (I mean, goes) with age, is it any wonder why younger women tend to marry older men?
One theory suggests that men are most compatible with women half their age, plus seven (AllPhilosophy.com). So if you're a 20 year-old male, it's best to be with a 17 year-old female; which is only a three year age gap. But when you're a 30 year-old male, this means a 22 year-old woman; and the gap is now 8 years. Then, as a 40 year old man, the theory recommends a 27 year-old woman. And now the gap is stretched to 13 years.
So happens when the age gap spans more than the norm of five years, let alone in the opposite direction?
Shei Tan, in her article Understanding Age Gap Relationships, contends that "If the male is considerably older and he and his wife do what he wants, she may miss out on a phase of her experience which… she may always regret." On the other hand, "If they do what she enjoys most, he is being dragged through the same experiences twice…" The same applies in reverse.
For example, in the Sex and the City Movie, when bride to be, Carrie Bradshaw's small guest list swells to the size of a celebrity wedding (with the publicity to match), her fiancée John James Preston, otherwise known as Mr. Big says: "This is my third marriage. How do you think that makes me look?" Speaking from a "been there done that" mentality, he prefers a low key ceremony at the New York City Hall.
So what more if an older partner has kids from a previous marriage?
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IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH
Forum after forum, the general disposition was that regardless of age, love conquers all, "it's all that matters". But an age "gap of 20 years means that one of you will be a sprightly 45-year-old, while the other will be approaching retirement… Are you comfortable with the idea of becoming someone's live-in carer rather than live-in lover?" (NineMSN Health).
Claiming the emotional devastation too much, one forum member was so fed up with outliving his wives, he went back to dating women his own age.
Tony Randall was 50 years older than Heather Randall.
They married in 1995, and had two children in 1997 and 1998.
He passsed away in 2004.
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WHO'S YOUR (SUGAR) DADDY?
As Good Charlotte, in their song Girls & Boys point out, "Girls don't like boys/Girls like cars and moneeeeeey!"
One Yahoo! forum member admitted that his "girlfriend dated a 40+ when she was 20 but she… was basically [in it] for the fancy dinners and flights on the plane… that a 20 something likely couldn't [afford]." But to what extent is this true? NewScientist.com argues that "men evolved a preference for younger women because [they] have a longer fertility span than older female[s]… women, meanwhile, might give birth to more children when they choose older partners because such men are likely to have greater financial resources to support a family than younger men do."
But in a capitalist society, why settle for financially stable when you can find the financially well-off on such sites as SugarDaddie.com? It's a dating website "where the classy, attractive, and affluent meet." It allows "Doctors, Lawyers, Busy Professionals, [and] Benefactors" access to "Beautiful, Intelligent and Classy Women & Models." And while those of us who don't make the cut scoff at their elitist standards as shallow, one testimonial on their website praises that the
…site has given men and women with higher standards somewhere to go…
the reason a lot of women come here isn't to find some one to "take care of us".
The thing is... a gentleman who has aquired a lot of money is generally educated,
not lazy, intelligent, more tolerant and well travelled as a result.
[As opposed to] someone who's never been anywhere or experienced anything
and content to sit on a couch and watch t.v. all weekend. I wanted a man
who could inspire me, fascinate me and whom I would look up to, and I found
him here on sugardaddie.
And while the supposed lower class troll though night clubs and pubs for that special (albeit drunk) someone, another happy customer claims that SugarDaddie "sets the standard for professional people who want to meet likeminded individuals they won't find in bars!!"
Michael Douglas is 25 years older than Catherine Zeta Jones
Woody Allen is 35 years older than wife Soon-Yi Previn
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THE COUGAR
Angela, who appeared on The Dr. Phil Show reveals: "I have always dated younger men. They tend to be more fun, don't have the baggage and they're better in bed." Such baggage includes ex wives and children from previous relationships. And keep your hearts peeled, because these kind of relationships are on the rise.
EG:
* In Desperate Housewives, Gabrielle Solis has an affair with her teenage gardener John - a carefree alternative to her more serious, business oriented husband; or Samantha Jones
* In Sex and the City, Samantha Jones (who is in her 40's) has a serious relationship with model Jerry Jarrod (in his 20's)
Young men are attracted to the independence, self-assurance and sexual experience of Cougars. Growing up, men their own age valued them for their beauty - and now younger men are valuing them for their brains.
Log on to UrbanCougar.com, and you are served with a platter of the Cougar culture. 2008 Urban Cougar of the Year, Debra Garret explains:
We cougars know what we want, we are not afraid to speak our minds about
sex, politics, sports, money, and I believe we are great role models for the
young girls of today. It also means "empowerment" - we are not afraid to tell
our men what we want or need and we do not play games.
Demi Moore is 15 years older than husband Ashton Kutcher
Susan Sarandon is 12 years older than Tim Robbins
Halle Berry is 10 years older Gabriel Aubry
But age gap relationships run the risk of taking on the qualities of a parent and child. "There is nothing worse than having to beg your young lover to make his bed in the morning. Conversely, older males may become frustrated with a young partner's desire to go to a rave and worsen a developing hearing problem" (DatingFor Beginners.info).
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And my two cents? I think it's less about age, than it is about compatibility through maturity. And if the age gap is large enough to separate life stages (eg: if one person is still in uni and the other wants marriage and kids), then sacrifice and compromise is key. After all, love is blind, you can't see numbers.
What do you think? Share your opinions and experiences via the comment link below.
