Turns out I've been playing the dating game without knowing the basic controls.
I only just discovered that being exclusive with someone is NOT the same thing as being their girlfriend. In fact, they're two completely different levels. I've compiled a step-by-step guide of the relationship memo that seems to have missed me all of the nine years I've been dating.
1. Dating and still being able to see other people
2. Exclusively seeing each other
3. I wouldn't tell people you're my girlfriend, I'd say you're my girl
4. OK, now you're my girlfriend
5. Partners
6. Husband and wife
The last time I used the word 'partner' was in kindergarten, and it referred to the guy you had to hold hands with in line. Pointing this out to a friend, suddenly I was the one over analysing things!
I feel like all these different stages complicate relationships for the sake of complicating relationships.
And apparently, it doesn't necessarily need to be made known when the relationship is transitioning from one level to the other. Apparently, it "happens naturally." ARE YOU BOTH MIND READERS OR SOMETHING? I'm sorry, but could you maybe wave a flag when we're onto the next one? Just so I know?
And also, since you never actually asked me to be your girl, and since you have no intention of asking me to be your girlfriend should that holy grail of a day ever come, are you ever going to ask me to marry you? Or should I just expect to wake up married one day?
If a guy were to come up to me in a club and ask if I had a boyfriend, I'm not going to waste a single breath shouting about how it's complicated, because it would sound a little like this: "YOU SEE, WE'RE TOGETHER BUT NOT TOGETHER. HE WOULDN'T WANT ME GIVING MY NUMBER TO PEOPLE LIKE YOU, OR ANYONE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER. SO BASICALLY, HE WANTS TO OWN ME WITHOUT HAVING TO WORK FOR IT. BECAUSE WE'RE NOT THAT SERIOUS, YET, I THINK. BUT HE LIKES ME, HE REALLY REALLY LIKES ME."
Then imagine if that guy asked you to repeat what you just said. His jam came on halfway through and got distracted. And it's funny because some guys have as much fun defining the different degrees of a relationship as much as the next girl. Like casually naming every single bone in the body and going, "Oh, didn't you know that?"
Fuck. That. Shit. Get over yourselves. Seriously.
Am I with someone or am I not with someone? That's all I want to know. Is that so much to ask? And why did no one tell me about this earlier!
Thoughts?
Love, Noeline
X
I only just discovered that being exclusive with someone is NOT the same thing as being their girlfriend. In fact, they're two completely different levels. I've compiled a step-by-step guide of the relationship memo that seems to have missed me all of the nine years I've been dating.
1. Dating and still being able to see other people
2. Exclusively seeing each other
3. I wouldn't tell people you're my girlfriend, I'd say you're my girl
4. OK, now you're my girlfriend
5. Partners
6. Husband and wife
The last time I used the word 'partner' was in kindergarten, and it referred to the guy you had to hold hands with in line. Pointing this out to a friend, suddenly I was the one over analysing things!
I feel like all these different stages complicate relationships for the sake of complicating relationships.
And apparently, it doesn't necessarily need to be made known when the relationship is transitioning from one level to the other. Apparently, it "happens naturally." ARE YOU BOTH MIND READERS OR SOMETHING? I'm sorry, but could you maybe wave a flag when we're onto the next one? Just so I know?
And also, since you never actually asked me to be your girl, and since you have no intention of asking me to be your girlfriend should that holy grail of a day ever come, are you ever going to ask me to marry you? Or should I just expect to wake up married one day?
If a guy were to come up to me in a club and ask if I had a boyfriend, I'm not going to waste a single breath shouting about how it's complicated, because it would sound a little like this: "YOU SEE, WE'RE TOGETHER BUT NOT TOGETHER. HE WOULDN'T WANT ME GIVING MY NUMBER TO PEOPLE LIKE YOU, OR ANYONE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER. SO BASICALLY, HE WANTS TO OWN ME WITHOUT HAVING TO WORK FOR IT. BECAUSE WE'RE NOT THAT SERIOUS, YET, I THINK. BUT HE LIKES ME, HE REALLY REALLY LIKES ME."
Then imagine if that guy asked you to repeat what you just said. His jam came on halfway through and got distracted. And it's funny because some guys have as much fun defining the different degrees of a relationship as much as the next girl. Like casually naming every single bone in the body and going, "Oh, didn't you know that?"
Fuck. That. Shit. Get over yourselves. Seriously.
Am I with someone or am I not with someone? That's all I want to know. Is that so much to ask? And why did no one tell me about this earlier!
Thoughts?
Love, Noeline
X
He means what he says.... he wants the best of both worlds; to have you without committing to you.
ReplyDeleteJust an idle speculation....
"Girls are dumb. Why do those kind of conversations even exist? It's obvious, no one wants to be in a relationship"
ReplyDelete- Chaplin on 'The Talk'
Point 3 is really Point 2 but laden with the guilt that grows when you like someone but still not wanting to commit beyond the security of your own ego.
ReplyDeleteI think.
And 'are you with someone'? That depends. For me, being exclusive doesn't mean i'm with them. For others the exclusivity is defining. Is choice about elimination or selection?
Noeline,
ReplyDeleteThis is me right now!
It all makes me want to soak in a bathtub with one of those trays that span the tub piled high with every kind of comfort food imaginable