I've decided to lay off blogging for a while until assignments have been submitted, oral rpesentations have been delivered and the trials have passed.
I was lying in bed at 1am in the morning, unable to get to sleep and being the weird compulsive thinker that I am, started reflecting about that feeling. You know, that feeling. I couldn't think of a term that quite described that; and the words queezy, umph, and errrgh didn't even come close. In fact, they're not real words at all. Magical yet exquisitely simple is the best my mind can describe it. They're the simple things in life we forget.
I'll write about them later on; but until my next entry, I'll leave you guys to do the contemplating.
that feeling...
* stacking it... hard
* breaking up
* knowing you can never have the guy/girl you secretly want
* getting out of the shower and it's freezing cold
* having rain drench your just blowdried or straightened hair
* regrets
* stuck in an awkwardly boring conversation, but don't have the guts to get going because you feel rude
* people who push in front of you
* coming to terms with how undeniably wrong you are after being so sure of youself
* being lost
* a stain on your white shirt at the beginning of the day
* annoying jingles that get stuck in your head
* not being able to fall asleep
* finding the tissue box empty just when you need one most
* your pen running out in the middle of an exam
* Mondays
* when you've eaten too much
* bad hair days
* being alone in the dark
* finding out someone bitched about you behind your back, but nice to your face
* seeing tragedies unfold on the TV screen and feeling so helpless
* forgetting what you were just about to say
* wishing you were five years old again, a bandaid had the power to fix anything
* knowing that things will NEVER be the same between you and her/him
that feeling...
* a new relationship
* knowing he likes you, and you like him - but are too afraid to admit it
* knowing all the words to a song - accurately
* a new outfit
* a NICE, new haircut
* new shoes
* hearing your favourite song on the radio
* getting off the phone with someone and wishing you could talk forever
* the smile of a stranger
* finding money on the floor
* a DAMN GOOD bra
* fitting into a size 6 when you're usually a size 8, or size 10 when you're usually a 12, etc..
* free stuff... you love it !
* a clearance sale (there's a little bit of cheap-ass in all of us ! )
* a cool breeze on a hot summers day
* a pretty sunset
* that butterfly feeling when you're in the arms of someone special
* compliments
* the sound autumn leaves make when you trod on them
* a good laugh
* using a BIG word in a sentence and sounding smart
* when people ask for YOUR advice
* solving that stupid maths question you've spent an hour trying to solve
* a good book
* when the 'popular person' knows your name (admit it ! )
* acing a test you barely studied for
* when you arrive at the bus stop seconds before it arrives, or arriving at the platform seconds before the train arrives
* looking back at old photos and wondering " WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING ?! "
Wednesday 24 August 2005
Thursday 18 August 2005
Looks VS Personality
Yin & Yang. You can't experience the good without knowing what they bad feels like. Without pain we would fail to completely comprehend the bliss of being glad; purely because we've got nothing to compare it against. If shades of 'happy' were the only the way our emotions functioned we wouldn't be as grateful.
It's like saying that everything will be okay when two hijacked planes collided into the twin towers. That everyone will come out safe and sound and tomorrow will carry on as usual. But it's not. The suffering of those unfortunate victims brought the public together. The act of salvaging the hurt under vast amounts of rubble required the will of those who were fortunate enough not to be inside those buildings or passengers of that plane. Why it takes such a tragedy to bring the rest of the world closer together, I don't know. I guess it's one of the first questions I'll ask God when I get there. But for the time being there's no use pondering the answer to a question that doesn't exist on earth. In my opinion, maybe the events of September 11 has taught the rest of the world to get our act together. Not to wait for a catastrophe before we lend a helping hand to a stranger. It's a shame that hundreds have to die before we listen.
I don't ignore the bad in the world. But that shouldn't be an excuse to exclude the good either. A handful of people may disagree with some, or perhaps everything I write in my blogs. But that goes without saying I'm not trying to please every reader either. It's the people who compliment my writing and beg for more that keep me bothered to write. I write for them. I'm not trying to brainwash anyone into believing the world is a squeaky clean haven or if you think like me you'll be a better person.
I'm not aiming at being unrealistic, but we can all dream can't we? Dream that there is a good looking someone out there with a bonus personality. Realistically speaking, some people marry for looks, some people marry for money, some people marry for the happiness of marrying a good looking rich person. Realistically speaking, looks and money only go so far. Realistically speaking, personality only goes so far as well.
Looks. If that's all it takes to make you happy, then go ahead, marry the guy! We'd rather you be happy with the good looking guy than miserable with the good hearted guy. And that's reality.
But I tend to write for one audience in particular. The people who go for someone with persona. Someone who'll argue back, someone who'll ask questions, someone who captivates us through with their insights alone.
You're only blessed with looks. In saying so I don't include plastic surgery. We don't have the luxury of opting to be good, average or bad looking when we're born. But to an extent, everyone has the personal willpower to eliminate bad attitudes and enhance the good.
No doubt, looks capture attention, but only a nice personality wins the heart and mind. You can't purchase finest quality packet's of 'personality' over the counter and apply combinations of traits on your face like make up every morning. A layer of humour to conceal any bad qualities lurking inside and some friendliness over the cheeks, topped off with some gloss finished morals for added shine. If only it was that easy. The soul is something worked upon, over years of living and experiences, overcoming them and using those mistakes to your advantage.
Nothing lasts forever. Everything fades with time. Looks more so than personality, but yes, they both deteriorate. But we're only around for a certain amount of time so we might as well make the most of it. Just like looks, everyone's personality is different. If looks are enough to keep you occupied in your lifetime, do yourself a favour and go for that sleek, well groomed stylish hunka-man . If personality is enough to keep you enthralled until you pass then go for the spiderman geek who no matter how hard you try can't seem to resist.
Ultimately, we're ALL just seeking satisfaction, and satisfaction comes in a multitude of shapes, sizes and colours. There's no exact definition and satisfaction varies with the person.
As I say: "Whatever crumbles YOUR cookie; because in the end YOU'RE the one who's going to end up eating it" Finely Ground or Super Chunky?
It's like saying that everything will be okay when two hijacked planes collided into the twin towers. That everyone will come out safe and sound and tomorrow will carry on as usual. But it's not. The suffering of those unfortunate victims brought the public together. The act of salvaging the hurt under vast amounts of rubble required the will of those who were fortunate enough not to be inside those buildings or passengers of that plane. Why it takes such a tragedy to bring the rest of the world closer together, I don't know. I guess it's one of the first questions I'll ask God when I get there. But for the time being there's no use pondering the answer to a question that doesn't exist on earth. In my opinion, maybe the events of September 11 has taught the rest of the world to get our act together. Not to wait for a catastrophe before we lend a helping hand to a stranger. It's a shame that hundreds have to die before we listen.
I don't ignore the bad in the world. But that shouldn't be an excuse to exclude the good either. A handful of people may disagree with some, or perhaps everything I write in my blogs. But that goes without saying I'm not trying to please every reader either. It's the people who compliment my writing and beg for more that keep me bothered to write. I write for them. I'm not trying to brainwash anyone into believing the world is a squeaky clean haven or if you think like me you'll be a better person.
I'm not aiming at being unrealistic, but we can all dream can't we? Dream that there is a good looking someone out there with a bonus personality. Realistically speaking, some people marry for looks, some people marry for money, some people marry for the happiness of marrying a good looking rich person. Realistically speaking, looks and money only go so far. Realistically speaking, personality only goes so far as well.
Looks. If that's all it takes to make you happy, then go ahead, marry the guy! We'd rather you be happy with the good looking guy than miserable with the good hearted guy. And that's reality.
But I tend to write for one audience in particular. The people who go for someone with persona. Someone who'll argue back, someone who'll ask questions, someone who captivates us through with their insights alone.
You're only blessed with looks. In saying so I don't include plastic surgery. We don't have the luxury of opting to be good, average or bad looking when we're born. But to an extent, everyone has the personal willpower to eliminate bad attitudes and enhance the good.
No doubt, looks capture attention, but only a nice personality wins the heart and mind. You can't purchase finest quality packet's of 'personality' over the counter and apply combinations of traits on your face like make up every morning. A layer of humour to conceal any bad qualities lurking inside and some friendliness over the cheeks, topped off with some gloss finished morals for added shine. If only it was that easy. The soul is something worked upon, over years of living and experiences, overcoming them and using those mistakes to your advantage.
Nothing lasts forever. Everything fades with time. Looks more so than personality, but yes, they both deteriorate. But we're only around for a certain amount of time so we might as well make the most of it. Just like looks, everyone's personality is different. If looks are enough to keep you occupied in your lifetime, do yourself a favour and go for that sleek, well groomed stylish hunka-man . If personality is enough to keep you enthralled until you pass then go for the spiderman geek who no matter how hard you try can't seem to resist.
Ultimately, we're ALL just seeking satisfaction, and satisfaction comes in a multitude of shapes, sizes and colours. There's no exact definition and satisfaction varies with the person.
As I say: "Whatever crumbles YOUR cookie; because in the end YOU'RE the one who's going to end up eating it" Finely Ground or Super Chunky?
Monday 15 August 2005
Road Trip
To all my friends: the next door neighbours, residents of far away lands, and even the folks across the seven seas - this goes out to you...
In some aspects, I know my best friends more so than they do themselves. I go through what they go through - emotionally. Our bond causes me to feel down when they're upset and over the moon when they're great.
I don't try to be interested, I don't pretend to care, I don't force myself into stealing a taste of their plateful of surging emotions; it's all habitual.
When they're in like/lust/love I sense in their tone, feel through their words and see through their smile - the joys of liking/lusting/loving someone. They're things I experience second hand, but are devoured together.
Likewise, when they're hearbroken we indulge ourselves into non-stop bitching sessions; like sharing a box of chocolates after a hard day. When they're hurt it's like I myself went through the same situation.
That's what friendship does to you. With a best friend, it's like living a double life. We learn from their mistakes, and they learn from ours. We give advice based upon, if given the chance, we were to wear their shoes the following day.
It's like having our petrol price halved as the two of us set for the commonly undertaken road trip to self discovery. Where we'll end up no one knows. We find we've got company. Someone to take over when we're losing sense of direction. Someone to shove reality in our faces when pondering the impossible, those misleading detours. Someone to state the obvious when our tendancy to think too hard causes us to scamper right past the signs. Someone whose conversation is music to our ears when the damn radio has broken down. They're our jumpstart when we're all and ready to surrender to the forces of dead ends. They nag us into chucking a U'ie (U-turn) and take an alternative route. At the end of the day, all is done together.
For some people modes of transportation for this trip is a fast, sophisticated two seated convertible, where two is company and three is a crowd. For others it's a steady paced double decker bus where more is definitely merrier.
We're all in the same race, or should I say, we're all driving on the same road; driven towards finding love, finding truth, finding ourselves, finding the meaning of life. Make the most of it.
In some aspects, I know my best friends more so than they do themselves. I go through what they go through - emotionally. Our bond causes me to feel down when they're upset and over the moon when they're great.
I don't try to be interested, I don't pretend to care, I don't force myself into stealing a taste of their plateful of surging emotions; it's all habitual.
When they're in like/lust/love I sense in their tone, feel through their words and see through their smile - the joys of liking/lusting/loving someone. They're things I experience second hand, but are devoured together.
Likewise, when they're hearbroken we indulge ourselves into non-stop bitching sessions; like sharing a box of chocolates after a hard day. When they're hurt it's like I myself went through the same situation.
That's what friendship does to you. With a best friend, it's like living a double life. We learn from their mistakes, and they learn from ours. We give advice based upon, if given the chance, we were to wear their shoes the following day.
It's like having our petrol price halved as the two of us set for the commonly undertaken road trip to self discovery. Where we'll end up no one knows. We find we've got company. Someone to take over when we're losing sense of direction. Someone to shove reality in our faces when pondering the impossible, those misleading detours. Someone to state the obvious when our tendancy to think too hard causes us to scamper right past the signs. Someone whose conversation is music to our ears when the damn radio has broken down. They're our jumpstart when we're all and ready to surrender to the forces of dead ends. They nag us into chucking a U'ie (U-turn) and take an alternative route. At the end of the day, all is done together.
For some people modes of transportation for this trip is a fast, sophisticated two seated convertible, where two is company and three is a crowd. For others it's a steady paced double decker bus where more is definitely merrier.
We're all in the same race, or should I say, we're all driving on the same road; driven towards finding love, finding truth, finding ourselves, finding the meaning of life. Make the most of it.
Sunday 7 August 2005
Spend Time, Not Money
SAME lies DIFFERENT guys. That's my love life compacted into one nifty little sentence.
The words are there alright, but they're said carelessly with a sense of detachment. We can feel it in you're voice. We can see it through your actions.
Don't say you only want to treat us right when you can't even find the time to call and check if we're okay. Don't say you only want to treat us right if you're all and willing for hugs and kisses, but when it comes to talking it's like our words go in one ear and out the other. Don't say you only want to treat us right if coming to see us feels like a tiresome trip to the moon and back, only made worthwhile if you've scored a trip downstairs. Don't say you only want to treat us right if we're objects to keep you occupied and help pass the time. Don't say you'll treat us better than the other guys when you speak the same words, and fail to prove it; just like the rest of them. But..
We're sorry if for the first time in our lives, someone genuine has come along. We're sorry if that person has to be you. We're sorry if your words fail to sink in because they're clouded with memories, the hurt of past lovers. We're sorry that you have to suffer, trying harder than all the rest to get to win our hearts.
It's not that we don't want to believe you, it's the fear of being made the fool once again. It's like continuously falling for the same practical joke. Eventually, the joke has been drained of the humour it once carried. Eventually, we're just plain sick of hearing it.
When we move on, we take our problems with us; not leave them behind.
It's up to that ONE guy to clear the mess the ones before him left behind. Of course, no one is forcing you to do it. It's a volunatary thing. It's rising to the challenge and distinguishing yourself worthy of her heart. Ultimately, if she means THAT much to you it wouldn't be an issue.
It takes time, not expensive gifts, not hollow phrases. She may not know what she wants, but she knows what she doesn't want. Surprise her. Spend TIME, not money. The BEST things in life are FREE.
If I Were You - Tamia
I look in the mirror, with you in my arms
And I see a reflection
Of a smile that says you believe in love
And just for a moment, I drifted away
But I couldn't stay coz
A hint of love, a bit of fear
I'm tryin' to say
If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love
Coz I think my heart has given up
If I were you, I wouldn't be here
I'm tryin' to protect you
From the lies that your heart tells
Even though it says that you love me
All I see is pain and misery
Seasons may change
But I can't forget the days of old
My heart ached when you walked away
I said I'd never love again
If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love
Coz I think my heart has given up
If I were you, I wouldn't be here
The days go by
And I feel that you could make me happy
Time goes on
And I feel that love is at my door
And though I tell myself that you're the one
Who said those words before
Thought it hurts too much
I can't trust in love
Again
The words are there alright, but they're said carelessly with a sense of detachment. We can feel it in you're voice. We can see it through your actions.
Don't say you only want to treat us right when you can't even find the time to call and check if we're okay. Don't say you only want to treat us right if you're all and willing for hugs and kisses, but when it comes to talking it's like our words go in one ear and out the other. Don't say you only want to treat us right if coming to see us feels like a tiresome trip to the moon and back, only made worthwhile if you've scored a trip downstairs. Don't say you only want to treat us right if we're objects to keep you occupied and help pass the time. Don't say you'll treat us better than the other guys when you speak the same words, and fail to prove it; just like the rest of them. But..
We're sorry if for the first time in our lives, someone genuine has come along. We're sorry if that person has to be you. We're sorry if your words fail to sink in because they're clouded with memories, the hurt of past lovers. We're sorry that you have to suffer, trying harder than all the rest to get to win our hearts.
It's not that we don't want to believe you, it's the fear of being made the fool once again. It's like continuously falling for the same practical joke. Eventually, the joke has been drained of the humour it once carried. Eventually, we're just plain sick of hearing it.
When we move on, we take our problems with us; not leave them behind.
It's up to that ONE guy to clear the mess the ones before him left behind. Of course, no one is forcing you to do it. It's a volunatary thing. It's rising to the challenge and distinguishing yourself worthy of her heart. Ultimately, if she means THAT much to you it wouldn't be an issue.
It takes time, not expensive gifts, not hollow phrases. She may not know what she wants, but she knows what she doesn't want. Surprise her. Spend TIME, not money. The BEST things in life are FREE.
If I Were You - Tamia
I look in the mirror, with you in my arms
And I see a reflection
Of a smile that says you believe in love
And just for a moment, I drifted away
But I couldn't stay coz
A hint of love, a bit of fear
I'm tryin' to say
If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love
Coz I think my heart has given up
If I were you, I wouldn't be here
I'm tryin' to protect you
From the lies that your heart tells
Even though it says that you love me
All I see is pain and misery
Seasons may change
But I can't forget the days of old
My heart ached when you walked away
I said I'd never love again
If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love
Coz I think my heart has given up
If I were you, I wouldn't be here
The days go by
And I feel that you could make me happy
Time goes on
And I feel that love is at my door
And though I tell myself that you're the one
Who said those words before
Thought it hurts too much
I can't trust in love
Again
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