Four seasons of reasons

People come into our lives; some for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime… it is important to know the difference - Linda Oprica

I've comforted enough friends after fallouts with their ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend or ex best friend to tire of a certain excuse.

'If you know you deserve better, then why are you still with him?'
'Because we've been through so much together'

'If you know she's manipulating you then why do you put up with it?'
'Because we've been through so much together'

'If you don't love him then why are you still with him?'
'Because we've been through so much together'

So you get the drift - but I get the tidal wave. Is it just me, or was I sleeping under a rock when it became an unspoken rule that

Thou shall put up with people and their shite if 365 suns hath set.

If you think you're the only one suffering mistreatment, think again. As supportive friends, we suffer with you. It hurts us to see that someone we love can't stand on their own two feet, and use them to walk away. A sane person wouldn't jump in a pool of piranhas, and nor would a sane person allow someone to drain them mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Just because he/she has been doing it for the past year doesn't mean that it 'might as well' keep going for more.

Some people hoard rubbish, some people hoard people. Just because you've escaped the headlines on A Current Affair and Today Tonight, doesn't make you any better than they are. So before you ask yourself why people suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder hoard broken furniture, food scraps and old newspapers - what kind of skeletons are you hiding in your closet?

Letting go of someone does not make you a user-abuser. It's realising that some relationships weren't meant to last forever. Sometimes the best gift anyone can give you is a lesson - and not the hanging around.

Thankyou to my primary school friend Jessica Tearal, who taught me in kindergarten that you're allowed to play with the people in year two, and that your best friend can also be a boy. Thankyou to Emma Grabowski who gave me the opportunity of going on a holiday to Terrigal, and the memory of mastering a dance routine from Bring It On. Thankyou to Brooke Clarke who continually reminded me that I was skinny - no matter how fat I thought I was in year eight, who showed me how interesting the deaf community can be, and the memory of buying identical glittery gypsy tops of a different colour from Supre. Thankyou to Orathine Gaybian (I forgot your real last name) who taught me that timing can determine everything. I no longer, or barely talk to all of these people.

Who remembers doing clay work back in art class? I remember my teacher telling me that over working the clay can cause it to become 'tired'. There comes a point when it will crack in places you try to smooth down, no matter how much water you add. A good artist knows when to stop playing with the same piece of clay and move on. The same goes for people.

Celebrate Singledom

I love writing. But it has its limitations. If words could say it all, there would be no need for art, no need for music. It could be the crescendo or diminuendo of a song, a particular drum line, the syncopation of a jazz beat… that tug at our heartstrings and bring to life a montage of graveyard memories; with a movie like quality, and yet recognised as our own. Yet the songs that conjure up such memories are proof that just because we buried them, doesn't mean they're dead.

Take the song All My Life by KC and JoJo. It reminds me of those teeny bopper relationships back in junior high school. All my life I prayed for someone like you. And I thank God that I finally found you. At this stage the boys were just sprouting their first underarm hairs, and the girls were still giggling about the pros and cons of tampons. I think that for the sake of adolescence, someone should compose a rendition titled All My Infancy.

Then I have the songs that remind me of ex/boyfriends and their ex girlfriends. Just because the song was ruined by you and your failed relationship with her, why should I stop belting it out on karaoke, as I sing in the shower, as I walk around the house looking for the remote? And that's when I promised myself that come future relationships, I will not deprive my partner the joy of singing randomly. Because to speak of it would give the song an importance that it should no longer have.

You know you've moved on when you can listen to the song without setting fire to the stereo, bash your head against the wall, or dart to the other side of the world. So before deeming yourself ready for a new relationship and burying the old one (and the songs associated) - please make sure it's dead. Because new girlfriends don't appreciate zombies calling you in the middle of the night, bawling their eyes out claiming they still love you.

I've heard of boyfriends that refuse to have their girlfriends listen to Irreplaceable by Beyonce. Are you that insecure that she'll gain the confidence to leave you? It speaks volumes about the trust of your relationship, sorry - I mean relationSHIT.

So you get my point. But I bring this up because listening to Never Again by Kelly Clarkson made me wonder why songs like that aren't released just when I need them most. It's just my luck that my breaks up periods are filled with the chart release of lovey dovey anthems. Hence, I struggled during my Seven Stages of Grief - especially when it came to the Anger stage.

So not to miss out on an important life experience, (the one where you build a strong connection between break up experience and Australian music chart) would you believe that I considered breaking up with my boyfriend? As I considered myself a lunatic over the next couple of days, I found comfort in a statistic while listening to the radio:

After listening to a song, 1 in 10 people surveyed ended their current relationship.

And you know what I thought? Good. On. Them. I'm sure that it was not the catchy tune that caused them to break up with their partner, but because the song externalised everything that was already on their mind.

Maybe I was taking Nelly Furtado's All Good Things too personally or too literally - the line 'lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end?' angering me. What if they're better off as friends anyway? What if the guy was violent? What if the girl didn't appreciate him?

Upon bumping into old friends and inquiring about their love life, my immediate response to the news of a break up was always 'Awww' - purely because I didn't know any other way to react. Why aren't we congratulated for ending relationSHITS with Queen Bitch or Sir-Sex-A-Lot? Why are break ups treated as a tragedy? Surely half of them should be the cause for celebration.

So, today I am turning over a new leaf. And to anyone whose experienced a recent break up, or embracing singledom with open arms…

CONGRATULATIONS!