You can learn a lot about a man simply by looking at the woman he is with. If his partner is a genuine woman who carries her dignity with as much ease as she does self respect - he is a gentleman who shudders at the idea of wasting time with a skank who has been around the world; and by that I mean population wise. If he is dating a materialistic, superficial, moral- free girl whose colloquial language is obscene - in his eyes she's just another a fashion accessory; and with all fashion trends its only time until the next one comes along. These type of men go for girls with 'SEX' stamped across their forehead. Why? Because in the duration of time it takes to make a good girl fall for them, they could have slept with ten other whores. It provides some sort of compensation for the absence of that ONE GIRL who, suprisingly, would actually like you for who you are. NOT because of your dick, your presents, your car or your money.
Time. A simple concept, yes? There's seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and so on. But that's just the tip of the iceberg. And like all icebergs 90% of this theory lies buried beneath the surface. Imagine spending this time with someone who made it worth living. Imagine if their absence made your heart grow fonder. These empty hopes have the potential of a becoming tangible reality if we'd only take the time. The time to grow to know someone so much to the point that their yours, and the patience of knowing that there's a reason to why this process isn't called 1-2-3-HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER. It's trials and tribulations, deep conversations and petty arguments.
It's not always rainbows and butterflies its compromise - Maroon5
Unfortunately there's some people out there who have found themselves caught in the crushing tides of a fast moving current that makes the world go round. We'd rather settle for the instant 3 minute girlfriend than wait a while longer for a decent one.
Being in a relationship with someone and NOT realising their worth is like visiting The Seven Wonders of the World with your eyes closed. Unaware of the beauty that lives just for you.
Friday 29 July 2005
Friday 22 July 2005
WANT is to LIKE as NEED is to LOVE
Relationships begin nonetheless the same - you fall for each other; it's the endings that vary. If love is a book, I've barely past the first chapter. And when I'm almost done, the book closes, and I find myself starting all over again... and again... and again...
I'd like to take this moment to express my hate for winter. Thankyou for making me fully sick bro.
To Kill a Mockingbird. Two words - literal enlightenment.
The song that's really tickling my fancy like a raging sex machine: LapDance by N.E.R.D.
Thanks to Christine (or as I like to call her: Een-Steen) who got my mind thinking. The grass is always greener on the other side; but it's just as hard to cut. The seaweed is always greener in somebody elses lake. Life is always better in somebody elses skin; or so it seems.
Our tendancy of being envious of one other is constant. It's as if the 'envy button' was turned on at birth and doesn't switch off till the day we die. And in those few seconds before our death do we become suddenly appreciative of everything that's passed.
We're so busy wishing for their happiness, their fortune, their confidence... their life, that we fail to count our own blessings. So what if she's pretty, smart, witty and goes about the day in high spirits? Who's to say she doesn't come from a broken family torn down by adultery and financial strife? Who's to say she doesn't cry herself to sleep wishing she was never born.
We never know a person until we've magically stepped into their shoes and walked in them for the duration that they've lived. This, of course is sheerly impossible. The most we can do is learn to accept each other, and know that there is ALWAYS more than meets the eye. We must understand that all our actions stem from a past experience. A past experience that influences our future decisions for the rest of our life.
Why is he so willingly open in relationships, so passionate about things from A to Z, so fearless in taking risks, so down to earth? Because experience has taught him that life is short and to cherish every passing moment. Why is she so reserved, so cautious, so cold and barely unapproachable? Because a particular incident or series of misfortunes have left her scared of trusting others, scared of loving someone, scared of the unfamiliar. Why does he care so much for materialistic things? Because during his childhood years he was bullied endlessly for being less fortunate than those who mocked him. Why does she strive to become successful? Because she watched someone she looked up to reduce to nothing. Why is she against drugs? Because the drugs caused her father to become a man she no longer knew.
I'd like to take this moment to express my hate for winter. Thankyou for making me fully sick bro.
To Kill a Mockingbird. Two words - literal enlightenment.
The song that's really tickling my fancy like a raging sex machine: LapDance by N.E.R.D.
Thanks to Christine (or as I like to call her: Een-Steen) who got my mind thinking. The grass is always greener on the other side; but it's just as hard to cut. The seaweed is always greener in somebody elses lake. Life is always better in somebody elses skin; or so it seems.
Our tendancy of being envious of one other is constant. It's as if the 'envy button' was turned on at birth and doesn't switch off till the day we die. And in those few seconds before our death do we become suddenly appreciative of everything that's passed.
We're so busy wishing for their happiness, their fortune, their confidence... their life, that we fail to count our own blessings. So what if she's pretty, smart, witty and goes about the day in high spirits? Who's to say she doesn't come from a broken family torn down by adultery and financial strife? Who's to say she doesn't cry herself to sleep wishing she was never born.
We never know a person until we've magically stepped into their shoes and walked in them for the duration that they've lived. This, of course is sheerly impossible. The most we can do is learn to accept each other, and know that there is ALWAYS more than meets the eye. We must understand that all our actions stem from a past experience. A past experience that influences our future decisions for the rest of our life.
Why is he so willingly open in relationships, so passionate about things from A to Z, so fearless in taking risks, so down to earth? Because experience has taught him that life is short and to cherish every passing moment. Why is she so reserved, so cautious, so cold and barely unapproachable? Because a particular incident or series of misfortunes have left her scared of trusting others, scared of loving someone, scared of the unfamiliar. Why does he care so much for materialistic things? Because during his childhood years he was bullied endlessly for being less fortunate than those who mocked him. Why does she strive to become successful? Because she watched someone she looked up to reduce to nothing. Why is she against drugs? Because the drugs caused her father to become a man she no longer knew.
Thursday 14 July 2005
Find someone who understands every word you're NOT saying
Don't go for looks; such an asset fades with time.
Find someone whose personality gets more and more beautiful by the day. Someone amazing. Someone who makes you laugh. Someone who brings a smile to your face. Someone who appreciates you; and understands every word you're NOT saying.
Communication is sensing the sadness in their laugh when something is wrong. It's being able to decipher the unspoken code of body language.
When you find that person cherish every moment with them. Hold them tight and you won't have to worry about letting go; they'll never want to leave.
God put a few bad people in our life so when the right person came along we'd be greatful. The end of one relationship opens the door to better alternate endings with someone else.
Love is a two seated roller coaster. Together, brace yourselves past the downs and enjoy the ups. You can't have one without the other. The best experiences are those towards the end so ride it through.
Take the time to know each other. Take it slow. Safe Speeding - There's No Such Thing. Read every sign. Ask about the ones you're unsure of; remember them. Only then have you driven each other crazy. Crazy In Love.
Since when did it become such a crucial necessity to fall in love? It's been planted deep into our ethics as the only means of a truly wholesome life. I suppose it's something that will never cease to astound me.
Then why is it that an affair bearing such significance, does not have emphasis placed upon it in school teachings? We're there five days a week. They teach us everything from manners to metaphors, from quadric trinomials to periodic tables, from the anatomy of the human body to World War II; everything under the sun except advice and teachings on how to survive out in a world full of dickheads and pricks. After our years of schooling and academic commotion, we're released out into the world with little knowledge of the opposite sex. We're left to fend for ourselves. The subject of love is taught through practical methods, and little theory. It's through this self teaching that we learn some of the most important lessons in life.
We learn to accept that no one is perfect. We learn that pain is synonymous with love. We learn the true meaning of 'actions speak louder than words'. It's one thing to say I love you; and its another thing when you can't find the time to show it. We put an end to our childish selfishness MINE! MINE! MINE!and suddenly need someone to share everything with. Everything means Nothing unless you have someone to share it with. You're road to the top won't mean as much unless you had someone with you every step of the way.
I've been single for a few days now. Fish in the sea here I come! *bellyflops into the water* Lately I've just been 'letting it burn'. My friends wonder how I do it. Why I'm not breaking down at the first sign of reminisent things. How I manage to.. be normal. That's just me. I won't cry myself every night for weeks on end. I won't refuse the nutritional value (not to mention the yummy goodness) of food. I won't deprive myself of sleep. I won't give my friends attitude over my own personal misaps. It's not part of my character to linger in things that no longer exist. I was fine before he came along, and I'll (still) be fine when he's gone.
This is majorly corny, but I still remember how he told me that what attracted him to me was how independent I was. The fact that he's now gone won't change that. People, don't ever change for somebody else; If ever, do it for yourself. Find someone who accepts you as you are.
I don't hate any of my ex's. That's not my style either. I thank them for making my days just that LITTLE BIT more worth living for, during the length of our relationship. I'm thankful for what they've taught me. No regrets.
We were the story of a potential businessman attending work and uni trying to make it work with a stubbourn grade 10 girly girl. At least we tried. It doesn't make him a bad person that he wants to concentrate on family, friends, and his career before myself. We broke down at one of the first signs of uncertainty. The bond we created in the beginning obviously wasn't strong enough to withstand the forces of 'growing up'.
Some couples can grow up together; from teenagers to that old elderly couple that sit on the front porch. Some couples need to be grow apart before they can be together; to learn and achieve things for themselves independently. Some couples just weren't meant to be; and that's okay too.
Find someone whose personality gets more and more beautiful by the day. Someone amazing. Someone who makes you laugh. Someone who brings a smile to your face. Someone who appreciates you; and understands every word you're NOT saying.
Communication is sensing the sadness in their laugh when something is wrong. It's being able to decipher the unspoken code of body language.
When you find that person cherish every moment with them. Hold them tight and you won't have to worry about letting go; they'll never want to leave.
God put a few bad people in our life so when the right person came along we'd be greatful. The end of one relationship opens the door to better alternate endings with someone else.
Love is a two seated roller coaster. Together, brace yourselves past the downs and enjoy the ups. You can't have one without the other. The best experiences are those towards the end so ride it through.
Take the time to know each other. Take it slow. Safe Speeding - There's No Such Thing. Read every sign. Ask about the ones you're unsure of; remember them. Only then have you driven each other crazy. Crazy In Love.
It's one thing to ask why we break up. Have you ever wondered why it is we fall in love? - Amiel
Since when did it become such a crucial necessity to fall in love? It's been planted deep into our ethics as the only means of a truly wholesome life. I suppose it's something that will never cease to astound me.
Then why is it that an affair bearing such significance, does not have emphasis placed upon it in school teachings? We're there five days a week. They teach us everything from manners to metaphors, from quadric trinomials to periodic tables, from the anatomy of the human body to World War II; everything under the sun except advice and teachings on how to survive out in a world full of dickheads and pricks. After our years of schooling and academic commotion, we're released out into the world with little knowledge of the opposite sex. We're left to fend for ourselves. The subject of love is taught through practical methods, and little theory. It's through this self teaching that we learn some of the most important lessons in life.
We learn to accept that no one is perfect. We learn that pain is synonymous with love. We learn the true meaning of 'actions speak louder than words'. It's one thing to say I love you; and its another thing when you can't find the time to show it. We put an end to our childish selfishness MINE! MINE! MINE!and suddenly need someone to share everything with. Everything means Nothing unless you have someone to share it with. You're road to the top won't mean as much unless you had someone with you every step of the way.
I've been single for a few days now. Fish in the sea here I come! *bellyflops into the water* Lately I've just been 'letting it burn'. My friends wonder how I do it. Why I'm not breaking down at the first sign of reminisent things. How I manage to.. be normal. That's just me. I won't cry myself every night for weeks on end. I won't refuse the nutritional value (not to mention the yummy goodness) of food. I won't deprive myself of sleep. I won't give my friends attitude over my own personal misaps. It's not part of my character to linger in things that no longer exist. I was fine before he came along, and I'll (still) be fine when he's gone.
This is majorly corny, but I still remember how he told me that what attracted him to me was how independent I was. The fact that he's now gone won't change that. People, don't ever change for somebody else; If ever, do it for yourself. Find someone who accepts you as you are.
I don't hate any of my ex's. That's not my style either. I thank them for making my days just that LITTLE BIT more worth living for, during the length of our relationship. I'm thankful for what they've taught me. No regrets.
We were the story of a potential businessman attending work and uni trying to make it work with a stubbourn grade 10 girly girl. At least we tried. It doesn't make him a bad person that he wants to concentrate on family, friends, and his career before myself. We broke down at one of the first signs of uncertainty. The bond we created in the beginning obviously wasn't strong enough to withstand the forces of 'growing up'.
Some couples can grow up together; from teenagers to that old elderly couple that sit on the front porch. Some couples need to be grow apart before they can be together; to learn and achieve things for themselves independently. Some couples just weren't meant to be; and that's okay too.
Sunday 10 July 2005
Winter Blues
The winter has really begun to take its toll on me. I've become even hungrier and lazier than ever. These holidays have been the best to date..
Blazin was.. let's just say.. aye-oh-kay. The atmosphere was SMOKIN' , literally. The music was below standard of what I expected. Bumped into old friends, which is always a highlight. Andrea, Tina and I felt like we stepped into Asianville. We left about an hour early, and had we stayed any longer, we'd have adapted to the environment and have come out with long V-cut hair, wearing a halter neck top and short shorts; just like the other one hundred-or-so girls that were there.
Yesterday, I went to Parramatta and met up with friends. Assisted the boys with shopping, the poor souls were so inexperienced. In all fairness, Robert taught me a thing or two about driving cars through some game in some car racing . Which ones the accelerator? What's this one do? Crazy women drivers. I admit probably adding to this population.
Met up with Jeremy, where we argued upon comparisons between the superiority of Blacktown and Liverpool. My apologies that Liverpool Westfields does not comprise of cushion seating. Groove was madness. Saw so many people I hadn't seen in yonkers. Hugs and Kisses galore. It was a kickass night.
What's Changed? - Craig David
Thought you always wanted to be with me...
But things have changed between me and you...
Why don't you call me no more?
It was every night you were calling me before
Given half a chance, you'd be knocking at my door
So, tell me what's changed
Why don't you give me some time
Tell me, coz I can't get you out of my mind
But up until now, we been doing just fine
So, tell me what's changed
Why can't you even pass by?
Spend some of your time, even just to say hi
You're not the type of guy who would make a girl cry
So, tell me what's changed
Blazin was.. let's just say.. aye-oh-kay. The atmosphere was SMOKIN' , literally. The music was below standard of what I expected. Bumped into old friends, which is always a highlight. Andrea, Tina and I felt like we stepped into Asianville. We left about an hour early, and had we stayed any longer, we'd have adapted to the environment and have come out with long V-cut hair, wearing a halter neck top and short shorts; just like the other one hundred-or-so girls that were there.
Yesterday, I went to Parramatta and met up with friends. Assisted the boys with shopping, the poor souls were so inexperienced. In all fairness, Robert taught me a thing or two about driving cars through some game in some car racing . Which ones the accelerator? What's this one do? Crazy women drivers. I admit probably adding to this population.
Met up with Jeremy, where we argued upon comparisons between the superiority of Blacktown and Liverpool. My apologies that Liverpool Westfields does not comprise of cushion seating. Groove was madness. Saw so many people I hadn't seen in yonkers. Hugs and Kisses galore. It was a kickass night.
What's Changed? - Craig David
Thought you always wanted to be with me...
But things have changed between me and you...
Why don't you call me no more?
It was every night you were calling me before
Given half a chance, you'd be knocking at my door
So, tell me what's changed
Why don't you give me some time
Tell me, coz I can't get you out of my mind
But up until now, we been doing just fine
So, tell me what's changed
Why can't you even pass by?
Spend some of your time, even just to say hi
You're not the type of guy who would make a girl cry
So, tell me what's changed
Wednesday 6 July 2005
The Truth About Rollercoasters
I'm tired of getting to know someone, and losing them. I've been through the 'Get To Know You' rollercoaster so many times, and yes it's fun and exciting, but I feel like my ride always ends at the top of the big drop off. All that energy build up and anticipation - for nothing. I've never felt what it's like to fall down the other end of the slope - what it's like to fall in love.
Sometimes I think I'm the one with the problem. I feel like a highly anticipated film that movie-holics would define as a Box-office Fluke. I'm all controversey, nothing more. The previews prior to the movie say I'm "different, amazing and not like other girls". Ironic how I end up the same as the others - another ex-girlfriend.
I have the notion I'm forever doomed in relationships. I'm constantly waiting around for the guy to let me down. And when it does happen, I had only further proved myself right of my theory. But don't mistake me, I'm all open for someone to prove me wrong.
Sometimes I think I'm the one with the problem. I feel like a highly anticipated film that movie-holics would define as a Box-office Fluke. I'm all controversey, nothing more. The previews prior to the movie say I'm "different, amazing and not like other girls". Ironic how I end up the same as the others - another ex-girlfriend.
I have the notion I'm forever doomed in relationships. I'm constantly waiting around for the guy to let me down. And when it does happen, I had only further proved myself right of my theory. But don't mistake me, I'm all open for someone to prove me wrong.
Tuesday 5 July 2005
Holidaze
Here goes my first stereotypical blog.. what's been and gone recently in the boring life of Noeline Bautista. For those of you bothered to read it.. enjoy!
It's the holidays, I've got three assignments and over the past four days, have procrastinated over each of them. Perhaps I will get started in the second week. For the remainder of the first week, I shall sit back and relax.. try anyway.
Last friday, I met up with the oh so sexy Lorabel & friends at Parramatta Westfields. We took a dream photo at that photo place located near the station. Someone stole Kay'es pink wallet, which contained $30. Poor thing. The photo turned out real ugly, our eyes were demented and our lips looked like they were bleeding. Unwilling to pay for a disgusting dream photo, we decided not to go ahead with it and walked around the shops instead. Lorabel and I were attracted to the music being played in the stores. We walked in and out of one store in particular about three times, danced, then walking out. The lady looked at us weird. Bumped into the super-resh Richard.
The weekend was spent working at Hungry Jack's. We were all booked out with kid's parties, and as usual, I was hosting them. Shereeza and Jordan dropped by. How embarassing! The mad thing about doing parties is I get paid to take orders, play games, paint faces, and eat cake. The children are a bonus. I love them. They're so innocent and eager to learn more. You can tell by their eyes they've witnessed few things in their little lifetime; you wish you could shield them from the immporality imbedded in the world. But, its an inevitable part of life. The only thing that separates us, is the extent that we allow evil to influence our lives.
Yesterday, Wendy and I went to Cabrammatta to get kickass haircuts. I got my hair more layered and my fringe cut. Wendy said I looked like Cleopatra. Afterwards, we went to the city and took capitols. Went to Galaxy World and watched Wendy play some scary game. Some guy from Penrith came up to us and asked if we were from around the area. Did we look that out of place?
Tonight, my 'sister' Andrea and I are going out. We are each others Random Outing Buddy. One phone call, and within an hour we find ourselves in a world away from home. Tina's coming too. Where we shall be tonight, is anyone's guess. Either Blazin or Holla. I guess we'll decide when we get to the train station. I'm excited.
People, as well as myself are still getting used to the fact I have braces. Yes, braces are a bitch.
It's the holidays, I've got three assignments and over the past four days, have procrastinated over each of them. Perhaps I will get started in the second week. For the remainder of the first week, I shall sit back and relax.. try anyway.
Last friday, I met up with the oh so sexy Lorabel & friends at Parramatta Westfields. We took a dream photo at that photo place located near the station. Someone stole Kay'es pink wallet, which contained $30. Poor thing. The photo turned out real ugly, our eyes were demented and our lips looked like they were bleeding. Unwilling to pay for a disgusting dream photo, we decided not to go ahead with it and walked around the shops instead. Lorabel and I were attracted to the music being played in the stores. We walked in and out of one store in particular about three times, danced, then walking out. The lady looked at us weird. Bumped into the super-resh Richard.
The weekend was spent working at Hungry Jack's. We were all booked out with kid's parties, and as usual, I was hosting them. Shereeza and Jordan dropped by. How embarassing! The mad thing about doing parties is I get paid to take orders, play games, paint faces, and eat cake. The children are a bonus. I love them. They're so innocent and eager to learn more. You can tell by their eyes they've witnessed few things in their little lifetime; you wish you could shield them from the immporality imbedded in the world. But, its an inevitable part of life. The only thing that separates us, is the extent that we allow evil to influence our lives.
Yesterday, Wendy and I went to Cabrammatta to get kickass haircuts. I got my hair more layered and my fringe cut. Wendy said I looked like Cleopatra. Afterwards, we went to the city and took capitols. Went to Galaxy World and watched Wendy play some scary game. Some guy from Penrith came up to us and asked if we were from around the area. Did we look that out of place?
Tonight, my 'sister' Andrea and I are going out. We are each others Random Outing Buddy. One phone call, and within an hour we find ourselves in a world away from home. Tina's coming too. Where we shall be tonight, is anyone's guess. Either Blazin or Holla. I guess we'll decide when we get to the train station. I'm excited.
People, as well as myself are still getting used to the fact I have braces. Yes, braces are a bitch.
Saturday 2 July 2005
Miss UNDERstood
I stepped into the 'world of blogging' on the wrong foot. So, here's a little bit about me. Perhaps it can provide an insight as to why I think the way I do.
I'm a perfectionist. At the same time it's my strength AND my weakness. It can prove benefitial in some situations, and outrageously inconvenient in others. But heck, that's just me. Complete neat freak.
The unfortunate thing about first impressions is that you only get to make one. I've had long term friends confess to me what their first impressions of me were. Surprisingly, they've been either astoundingly wacky or almost accurate. People first saw me as an air headed bimbo, snobby and whose attire was.. skanky. Peers from school percived me as a live-at-home nerd, quiet, studious goody goody and a teacher's pet; thankafully that stereotype gradually wore off as the years went on. It's funny to be told that quite a number of my friends saw me as that chick with the mad hairstyles; back in the days of year 7 when we were all too scared to get to know each other. Now, we're inseperable. Who taght you how to fishtail braid now b*tchez! I couldn't imagine life without my friends. I live off our deep conversations and the laughs we share.
At this point in time, I don't know who I am, I don't know what I want.. and im cool with that. It's taken me a while but im comfortable with who I am, inside and out; most of the time anyway. Sometimes I'm that nerd who would rather sit and read a book than perve on the boys walking past the classroom door, and sometimes I do have my bimbo moments like inquiring if fish was a dairy product, and sometimes I get an A on an advanced science paper. And for the record, believe it or not, I'm NOT snobby, I'm just shy!
After a discussion with (my friend) Frances, we established that everyone has their ugly days. No matter how hard we try to do our hair nicely, no matter how much effort we put into our make up, no matter how many layers of lip gloss we apply, no matter how labelled the outfit, the only realistic explanation left is that that day in particular was simply an Uglyday. Monday. Tuesday. Uglyday. Thursday. Friday.. they strike when you least expect it. They suck ass.
My passion for reading has been an on and off love affair. It has been at its peak when I was seven years old, and now. During the years in between, the only reading I did was that on road signs like STOP, WRONG WAY GO BACK and CONSTRUCTION AHEAD. I love reading. It's one of those things I'll love until the day I die. Through writing, I can be myself. I can be the me that no one else has met, and the me that no one else will ever know. Not everything I write is shared with the world. You are not resticted by the opinions of anyone else. Writing is my key to freedom. You can be as stuck up or insecure to your satisfaction. My blogs are just an insight to my opinions. If I happen to say I'm ugly, is not a plead for hundreds of people to comment that I am beautiful. If I happen to say I'm a sexy mutha fukka is not a call for girls to bitch about me being big headed. If I happen to say that my life aint all that good, is not a begging gesture for friends to suddenly treat me like a child crying over spilt milk. It's simply the random and not-so-random thoughts loitering through my head taking their form in structured sentences.
Art is good. The feeling of creating something amazing, unusual, beautifully simple or intricately detailed with the aide of paper, pencil and your imagination is unexplainable. Like writing, it is another form of expression, in a visual form. Nobody else has to understand it. You can capture a moment in a time frame that seems never ending, or create a moment that exists in your mind alone. Like handwriting, its a personal matter, no two people have the exact same style.
Boyfriends come and go but best friends are forever. I love my friends. The ones who have been and gone, and the ones who are still here. Sometimes I think you guys are the only thing that keeps me going. When im with you, I'm that little bit happier, even if just for a while. You can't choose family, but you can choose your friends. I feel truly blessed to have companions like you. Many, many, many thanks for your adivce, your patience, your time, and simply stating the obvious at times when I was way out of it.
I am the eldest child in a family of three children; the eldest of four children if you include my half brother Justin and half sister Keizha, the eldest of seven children if you include my step brother James and step sister Hannah. Being the eldest has its drawbacks. My younger siblings may be unaware now, but as they age will understand I was the one who had to break past all those barriers, barriers which have already been opened for them to breeze through when it comes to their turn. I establish what is a reasonable age to start dating, the reasonable amount of outings out with friends, the reasonable age to catch public transport independently, the reasonable time to stay up late on the phone, the resonable EVERYTHING. Being the eldest, everything is an experiment. If it turns out fucked my time round, it definitely will not be the case in theirs.
Studies have shown that children, as a product of a broken family, are less willing to trust and expectations in relationships are of vividly lower standards than those coming from a well-knit family. That's me to a T. As a result, the separation of my parents will always, involuntarily, influence every single decision and action I make. As cynical as I may sound, I have little faith in men. My relationship with my father hasn't been ideal. Just because he contributed 50% of my biological make-up does not come with a lifetime warranty of respect. Yes, we still talk, but things just aren't the same. I have the best relationship with my mum. I tell her almost everything. Sometimes she's the first person I tell about anything and everything. I only wish to become half the woman she is. She's my hero.
My name is Noeline Veronica Bautista. I am a self confessed chocaholic. Shopping is good too, as long as it's not my money I'm spending. I can't live without lipgloss. Overly independent. Content, most of the time. Misunderstood.
I'm a perfectionist. At the same time it's my strength AND my weakness. It can prove benefitial in some situations, and outrageously inconvenient in others. But heck, that's just me. Complete neat freak.
The unfortunate thing about first impressions is that you only get to make one. I've had long term friends confess to me what their first impressions of me were. Surprisingly, they've been either astoundingly wacky or almost accurate. People first saw me as an air headed bimbo, snobby and whose attire was.. skanky. Peers from school percived me as a live-at-home nerd, quiet, studious goody goody and a teacher's pet; thankafully that stereotype gradually wore off as the years went on. It's funny to be told that quite a number of my friends saw me as that chick with the mad hairstyles; back in the days of year 7 when we were all too scared to get to know each other. Now, we're inseperable. Who taght you how to fishtail braid now b*tchez! I couldn't imagine life without my friends. I live off our deep conversations and the laughs we share.
At this point in time, I don't know who I am, I don't know what I want.. and im cool with that. It's taken me a while but im comfortable with who I am, inside and out; most of the time anyway. Sometimes I'm that nerd who would rather sit and read a book than perve on the boys walking past the classroom door, and sometimes I do have my bimbo moments like inquiring if fish was a dairy product, and sometimes I get an A on an advanced science paper. And for the record, believe it or not, I'm NOT snobby, I'm just shy!
After a discussion with (my friend) Frances, we established that everyone has their ugly days. No matter how hard we try to do our hair nicely, no matter how much effort we put into our make up, no matter how many layers of lip gloss we apply, no matter how labelled the outfit, the only realistic explanation left is that that day in particular was simply an Uglyday. Monday. Tuesday. Uglyday. Thursday. Friday.. they strike when you least expect it. They suck ass.
My passion for reading has been an on and off love affair. It has been at its peak when I was seven years old, and now. During the years in between, the only reading I did was that on road signs like STOP, WRONG WAY GO BACK and CONSTRUCTION AHEAD. I love reading. It's one of those things I'll love until the day I die. Through writing, I can be myself. I can be the me that no one else has met, and the me that no one else will ever know. Not everything I write is shared with the world. You are not resticted by the opinions of anyone else. Writing is my key to freedom. You can be as stuck up or insecure to your satisfaction. My blogs are just an insight to my opinions. If I happen to say I'm ugly, is not a plead for hundreds of people to comment that I am beautiful. If I happen to say I'm a sexy mutha fukka is not a call for girls to bitch about me being big headed. If I happen to say that my life aint all that good, is not a begging gesture for friends to suddenly treat me like a child crying over spilt milk. It's simply the random and not-so-random thoughts loitering through my head taking their form in structured sentences.
Art is good. The feeling of creating something amazing, unusual, beautifully simple or intricately detailed with the aide of paper, pencil and your imagination is unexplainable. Like writing, it is another form of expression, in a visual form. Nobody else has to understand it. You can capture a moment in a time frame that seems never ending, or create a moment that exists in your mind alone. Like handwriting, its a personal matter, no two people have the exact same style.
Boyfriends come and go but best friends are forever. I love my friends. The ones who have been and gone, and the ones who are still here. Sometimes I think you guys are the only thing that keeps me going. When im with you, I'm that little bit happier, even if just for a while. You can't choose family, but you can choose your friends. I feel truly blessed to have companions like you. Many, many, many thanks for your adivce, your patience, your time, and simply stating the obvious at times when I was way out of it.
I am the eldest child in a family of three children; the eldest of four children if you include my half brother Justin and half sister Keizha, the eldest of seven children if you include my step brother James and step sister Hannah. Being the eldest has its drawbacks. My younger siblings may be unaware now, but as they age will understand I was the one who had to break past all those barriers, barriers which have already been opened for them to breeze through when it comes to their turn. I establish what is a reasonable age to start dating, the reasonable amount of outings out with friends, the reasonable age to catch public transport independently, the reasonable time to stay up late on the phone, the resonable EVERYTHING. Being the eldest, everything is an experiment. If it turns out fucked my time round, it definitely will not be the case in theirs.
Studies have shown that children, as a product of a broken family, are less willing to trust and expectations in relationships are of vividly lower standards than those coming from a well-knit family. That's me to a T. As a result, the separation of my parents will always, involuntarily, influence every single decision and action I make. As cynical as I may sound, I have little faith in men. My relationship with my father hasn't been ideal. Just because he contributed 50% of my biological make-up does not come with a lifetime warranty of respect. Yes, we still talk, but things just aren't the same. I have the best relationship with my mum. I tell her almost everything. Sometimes she's the first person I tell about anything and everything. I only wish to become half the woman she is. She's my hero.
My name is Noeline Veronica Bautista. I am a self confessed chocaholic. Shopping is good too, as long as it's not my money I'm spending. I can't live without lipgloss. Overly independent. Content, most of the time. Misunderstood.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)