We spend a lot of our lives growing into things that are at first too big. When I started high school, mum bought every item of my uniform about two sizes too big. "You'll grow into it," she'd say. Little did we know that was around the time I'd stop growing any taller.
For me, the world itself is a bit like that. When I was little the world was such a promising place. I couldn't wait to grow into it, to be a part of it and contribute to it in more tangible ways than a colouring book or a recount about my weekend. As much as I loved learning and going to school, I just wanted to get out there into the real world and do real things.
The city seemed full of important people bustling in and out of tall important buildings doing important work. I even looked up to the local grocer and the check-out people at my local supermarket. When you're barely a metre high yourself, everyone else seems to walk around with a sense of self-assuredness. In a big, complicated world they all seemed to know what they were doing, and in their own little ways they were organising it. I was fascinated.
But now I know what they mean when they say that ignorance is bliss. All those toy cash registers are nothing like real life cash registers. They crash a lot, and sometimes it doesn't feel like taking eftpos. So you get yelled at customers who blame it on the company rather than technology. Sometimes they take it out on you, personally. Like we're choosing not to make it work, because we're entertained by people screaming at us.
Those tall important buildings are actually full of people running around like headless chickens. It's full of people being given too much work by managers who do next to nothing, it's full of people working overtime to get them done and not being recognised for it.
It's full of women not earning enough as men because they're women, full of women not becoming managers because they're too emotional, it's full of women not getting promoted because they get pregnant - in other words, it's full of women being disrespected in fancy ways.
It's full of interns learning nothing, abused for their willingness to please, who spend the best part of their days on coffee runs and lunch runs.
It's full of people being "too young" or "too old" to be hired, discriminated by companies who prioritise budget before productivity and the skill of its employees.
Its full of people who can't get experience because there are more jobs that demand experience than offer training.
It's full of people trying to run businesses in the 21st century with computer systems designed in the 90's, but can't do anything about it because CEO's would rather sacrifice long term productivity than spend "too much" money on building faster, better, more streamlined programs - CEO's that claim the system works "just fine" but have never been on the shop floor and tried to use it them selves.
It's full of managers with double standards, who claim to have a "performance based roster" yet give more shifts to the staff they get along with and can flirt with, who enforce rules on other people but refuse to follow it them selves.
The only thing that amazes me now, is how, amidst all the chaos of workplace politics, the world I once admired for its functionality hasn't already completely fallen apart.
The more I learn about the world the more depressing it gets. I wish I could be more positive but am struggling for places to find hope. Maybe this next year abroad will do me some good, distract my disappointment in the experiences of travel and the goodness of people.
Love, Noeline
xox
love your writing
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