Lessons from Life by Regina Brett

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch!
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

Now I ain’t sayin’ she’s a Gold Digger, but she ain’t messin’ with no broke, broke

It’s Friday. Tonight, there will be hundreds of first, second and third dates taking place around the country. And the question on everyone’s lips isn’t about what to wear or who should make the first move – but who should pay.

And it’s not just singletons with this problem. What about friends just catching up over a meal? Or people already in a committed relationship?

Half a century ago this would have sounded like a silly question, but it seems the issue is more relevant now than ever.

Here’s what some of my fellow Facebookers had to say:


Their responses suggest that friends and partners operate on a sharing system by taking turns or "going Dutch" – whereby each person pays their own way.

But why is there so much pressure on guys footing the bill? "Consider that chivalry started at a time when men worked and women didn’t. Women, literally, could NOT pay… men picking up the check sprung out of necessity, not out of kindness… [and] it has since been codified into a gentleman’s code," writes Evan Marc Katz on the Corporate Singles website.

And even though 57% of women will offer to pay, 34% are bothered if he accepts (Daily Mail).

With that said however, “nearly 9 in 10 of… wouldn’t go for the most expensive item on the menu” (Jasmin Aline Persch). This is because some women feel obligated to give sexual favours, especially in return for expensive dinners. One woman quoted in ‘The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Dating’ confesses:

“I hate to say it, but if he just paid $200 for a meal, and he wants to make moves and have sex, I feel a funny obligation, that’s why I feel much better if I pay my way.”

And the remaining 1 in 10? I guess they’re what you’d call dinner whores. "Basically, a dinner whore is a woman who accepts lavish and expensive dinner dates without ever entertaining the notion of having any sort of physical or intimate relationship with the man" (Advice Diva).

It appears that even though times have changed, tradition prevails. Statistics show that 75% of men feel guilty letting the woman pay – regardless of how much she makes (Jasmin Aline Persch).

So putting all these things together, if most men pay for dinner out of guilt for not being traditional, and if some women "put out" because they feel obligated, I wonder how many dates lead to unintended sex?

Love, Noeline
xox

Are you going to Kate’s?

Missed out on Corey Delaney’s big bash? Redeem your social status by attending – or should I say, gatecrashing Kate Miller’s birthday party.

Privacy settings for the Facebook event were ‘accidentally’ left public instead of private, enabling guests to bring friends to Kate’s small Adelaide apartment.

At the time of writing this entry, there were 75, 014 attendees.

The brainchild of online prankster David Thorne, Kate’s birthday party is a political stunt against Facebook’s privacy settings.

He linked his twitter followers with the event and told them to “hit attend… and give the host an aneurysm.”

“While the entire birthday party event was a hoax, it illustrates the risks posed by failing to double-check privacy settings on Facebook,” he says.

Like one big inside joke between Facebook users, there are over 500 Facebook pages such as ‘A380 to get to Kate's Party,’ ‘I can't decide what to wear to Kate's party,’ ‘But Mum EVERYONE Is Going To Kate's Party,’ ‘Getting naked and holding glow sticks at Kate's party’ and ‘Which Turban should I wear to Kate's party?’

The Kate’s Party National Tour is inviting people party for real in their state’s capital city. They are also selling ‘I went to Kate’s party’ t-shirts for those who don’t know what to wear.

Here’s to David Thorne - viral genius.

Love, Noeline
xox

There in person, not in spirit.

Last week I went to a concert. The girl in front of me spent the best part of the show with her head down to her digital camera, zooming in and out of numerous luvos taken before she left home.

It reminded me of the time a bunch of friends and I went out, and instead of hanging out with the rest of us, a couple spent most of the time logging into Facebook every five minutes, looking at pictures of people they barely even knew. The funny thing is they actually updated their status about how much ‘fun’ they were having. Righto...

Which makes me wonder, when people change their status to express how they’re having the time of their lives at this or that festival, this or that party, this or that dinner – are they really just ignoring their friends to update their acquaintances?

Like when people have a photo album dedicated to the attendance of a particular concert, and all there is are 187 luvos taken before the actual thing.

And what about people with albums titled this or that birthday party and all they have to show for it are 981 photos that all look the same – photos of themselves and a few others in front of a drive way when the real party was going on inside.

Or when people pay hundreds of dollars in tickets and new outfits to go to this or that music festival – and all that’s dished up is 28789473487 pictures spread across numerous albums – pictures taken away from the stage, away from the music they supposedly love.

“The perfect example is people who take millions of travel photos and you wonder whether they saw anything or just took pictures” – Marie Claire magazine

There’s a mentality that pictures and status updates somehow quantify experiences into something greater than the sum of its parts; and that this is further substantiated by the number of comments it can attract.

Without something tangible to publish in the online world, how many people know I went out to dinner with my old work mates, that afterwards we had ice cream and girly chats over a harbour view? How many people know I went out with my new work mates, that we had a barbeque and went bush walking afterwards? You wont know about it through Facebook, but I sure had fun.

There’s a certain point where technology stops recording precious moments and replaces them instead. A lot of people are guilty of it. The rest are enjoying them selves way too much to prove it to the rest of the world through self-documentation.

Love, Noeline
xox

Photo by Aileen Apostol

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. / Find out what it means to me

Fair enough. When you're 12 or 13 it's cool to hate your family. To think they're only there to make your life a living hell. That way, without knowing it, we became the perfect target market for bands like Simple Plan, Linkin Park and Blink 182.

But now we're in our 20's. And I find it sad when people my age are still bragging about the massive fight they just had with their mother, taking care not to leave out any of the swear words hurled at her. Bragging about how they haven't been home in weeks because they'd rather go out partying with their friends.

I'm talking about the ones who are proud about being disrespectful for no apparent reason.

To me, how a man treats his immediate family now is a reflection of how he'd treat me and our family if we ever ended up married.

Love, Noeline
xox

Cultural Albinism

There’s a peculiar struggle people born of immigrant parents go though every time they’re asked what nationality they are. Am I Australian because I was born and raised here? Or am I Filipino because that’s where my parents are from?

My brothers and I speak English with an Australian accent, and we don’t know how to speak Tagalog (the national language of The Philippines). We don’t address each other with ate or kuya (sibling titles that precede the first name of an elder brother or sister). We seldom eat traditional Filipino dishes. My cousins and I don’t practice mano (Filipino custom of placing an elder’s right hand to your forehead while bowing as a mark of respect), and we wear our shoes in each other’s houses instead of taking them off at the door.

Even though I can’t help that these things were never really forced upon me, I would be lying if I said I didn’t actively shun my cultural heritage either.

I cringe at both the sight and the afterthought of Filipino TV. I’m plagued by a montage of people dancing out of time and singing out of tune to American pop songs. It’s so bad evenI feel embarrassed for them.

It makes me angry that in order to be a Filipino celebrity you have to be Eurasian first. I was flipping through the pages of a Filipino tabloid style magazine, to find the pages swamped with idealised versions of what Filipinos wish they were – long legged with white skin, deep set eyes and aquiline noses. And all of a sudden it seemed they were the ones ashamed of me: 5”2 with tanned skin, dark hair and dark eyes with short legs and a big nose. Touché.

I couldn’t help but wonder, why are Filipinos so ashamed about being Filipino? Why do so many Filipinos of my generation feel the need to substitute their identity with a cup of Spanish grandparents and two tablespoons of Chinese cousin to validate their self worth?

The practice is so widespread it’s attracted its own unofficial medical diagnosis:

IMSCF Syndrome… many Filipinos, when questioned about their ancestry and national origin… recite the phrase "I'm Spanish, Chinese, Filipino". The name of the syndrome itself is an acronym formed from the first letters of this recited phrase.
- Indopedia

The virulence of IMSCF syndrome comes as even more of a surprise considering only 1% of the Filipino population have Spanish blood in them, and only 3% have Chinese ancestry. In fact, a staggering 95% of the population is UNMIXED Malay (Indopedia). So despite Filipino families and their myths about a great-great Spanish grand father – the one who blessed them with their Hispanic surname,

the overwhelming majority of Filipinos with Spanish surnames acquired them as a result of the… Alphabetic Catalogue of Surnames… imposed on the entire Filipino population by the Spanish royal courts in order to facilitate… tax collecting
- Indopedia

At the root of IMSCF syndrome lies an inferiority complex:

a form of internalized oppression, characterized by a perception of ethnic or cultural inferiority that is believed to be a consequence of colonization under Spain and the U.S.
- The Colonial Mentality Project

Filipinos are still under the impression that their colonisers were well intentioned - the Spanish in bringing Catholicism and the Americans with democracy; and that these social systems saved them from their own backwardness. Take the following two testimonials:

In retrospect, I lived in my own little ignorant world – saying yeah, we were owned by Spain before… not thinking that they had subjugated us to anything we didn’t want. But in reality, our original identity was stripped from us… we fell victim to the perils of colonialism for Spain’s greed of gold, spices, easy access to more “valuable” areas like China or Japan… and we were made to thank them for it… When I first learned about Spanish colonization, I didn’t think it was a bad thing. I was like wow, cool they gave us Catholicism and Spanish-sounding last names… I’m glad I know why my last name is like that and not something more “indigenous”… Why has it become so popular to be so ignorant?
- The Colonial Mentality Project

I brought up the notion that America is trying to colonize Iraq, just as they did to the Philippines. “No they didn’t” my dad replied unhesitatingly, “America saved [us]”
- The Colonial Mentality Project

So if Europeans represent the best in all there is to be Filipino, its no wonder they do everything they can to claim a genetic share to that glory. And it doesn't end there. In an attempt to emulate the idealised “mestizo look” Filipinos are big consumers of skin whitening products – from whitening soap to whitening lotion to whitening pills (Nadal, Filipino American Psychology).

“Over here [in the Philippines], white skin is considered better. I cannot tell you how many products are advertised and sold here to “whiten” our skin. Marrying a white man for Filipinas is a step up… socially and economically. Mixed children by white men here are thought of as more valuable, precious, and better prepared for modern society… shown as trophies”
- Root, Filipino Americans: Transformation and Identity)

As Barth Suretsky puts it, “Until the Filipino takes pride in being Filipino these ills of the soul will never be cured.” Not blind pinoy pride – but real pride that comes from an honest re-evaluation of historical events, and the rewriting of that history from a Filipino’s point of view – not a Spaniard’s, and not an American’s. Only then will we find what it truly means to be Filipino. Maybe then I can be proud of a culture that accepts itself, a culture that accepts me.

Love, Noeline
xox

If you got it, flaunt it. But If you don't got it, fake it.

I've always been a firm believer that life's better as a boy than it is as a girl.

One - they don't wear bras which of course means they don't have to buy bras. They're fucking expensive.

Two - their whole lives don't revolve around their menstrual cycle. Should I wear white shorts? Should I go to the beach?

Three - they don't experience period pain. They fucking cane.

Four - they don't have to pay for pads and/or tampons - the cost of which add up to $2,000-$4,000 US in a lifetime. That's $2,253 - $5,445 AU.

Five - without skirts and dresses, tank tops, one shoulder tops, boob tubes, halter neck tops and one inch heels to six inch heels - the number of outfits their wardrobe can possibly make is drastically reduced. Thus saving them time which girls spend weeks planning together through numerous phone calls, text messages, Facebook comments, and Skype sessions.

Six - they don't wear make up. According to Mail Online, "Women spend £8,500 on make-up during their lifetime" - which equates to around $15,000 AU.

Seven - on top of these, and this step is optional, we fake stuff. Some things more than others. Fake tan. Fake cup size. Fake hair colour. Fake hair length. Fake eye colour. Fake eye lashes. Fake nails. Etc.

Eight - we're the ones who get pregnant. Which means more money on maternity clothes and maternity bras. And don't even get me started on the physical trauma.

Nine - while we're shaving and/or waxing our body hair, it's socially acceptable for men not to give theirs a second thought. According to UPI, women who shave spend about $10,207 US ($11,500 AU) in their lifetime, compared to $23,000 US ($25,915 AU) for those who wax.

In other words, being a boy is more cost and time effective. Oh how I envy them.

Love, Noeline
xox

"If we're both not married by twenty-five / I hope that there's some childish spark still alive"

Slow Club – When I go (lyrics)

If we're both not married by twenty-two
Could I be so bold and ask you?
If we're both not married by twenty-three
Will you make my year, and ask me?

If we're both not married by twenty-four
Will you pass me those knee pads and I'll get on the floor
If we're both not married by twenty-five
I hope that there's some childish spark still alive…

If I get to thirty and I don't have a wife
I'll ask you nicely but I won't ask twice
If I get to forty and I don't have a spouse
I'll fashion you a letter and I'll send it to your house

If I get to sixty will you let me slip away
Into an armchair for the rest of my days
Cos you've got your family and I've got mine
The love that we share is for another time…

Some people 'shotgun the front seat'. Other people call 'dibbs' on husbands. The latter practice was brought to my attention when my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend called him and asked if their deal was still on.

Let me tell you why I found it extremely rude. Firstly, he was already in a relationship with me the time she felt the need to clarify their arrangement. She made me feel like the intermission in the middle of their god damn fairytale. Like he could never really love me, because a part of him would always be saving the best of himself for her. She made me feel helpless. Like no matter how well I treated him, no matter how much I grew to care for him – she would always be that ghost with the upper hand.

So that was years ago and now we’re still together. But a couple of weeks ago an episode of How I Met Your Mother resurrected the topic. And with a little less fired-up personal involvement – so I hoped for a little more perspective. Which got me thinking: what makes people bring themselves to such a commitment anyway?

Here’s what some of you said:
- I don’t think it’s such a bad idea. It won’t necessarily be a marriage based on romance, but on companionship. And what’s wrong with companionship?
- I’d rather stay single for the rest of my life than marry someone who I, deep down didn’t really want to be with in the first place. As if a marriage, let alone a relationship could work if both the people were once each other’s second choice – if that!
- People who get back-up spouses are insecure about their own life, and don’t want to live or die alone.
- Back-ups are always good. Because how bad would it be if you were forty and didn’t know anyone you could be with?
- I’d rather go to Asia and find a wife if I was that desperate.
- My mates and I were watching that episode (of How I Met Your Mother), and they all said they’d do it because at that age they wouldn’t be bothered to fish around.
- If you ever think of agreeing to being a back-up spouse, I think it’s a good idea to remember what happened to Julia Roberts’ character in My Best Friend’s Wedding
- The idea of it defies the objective to find ‘the one’ because in the back of your mind you know you’ll have a last resort.
- I said that to a guy I used to have something going on with. I said it as a joke to keep him around. I think it’s stupid now.
- An ex and I promised this to each other when we were 15. I don't know whether we will go through it. Or if it will even be legal here by the time it might actually happen.
- I have a very strange relationship with a boy I've grown up with, and we've both talked about this. We have a LOT of unresolved sexual tension but we're too comfortable with each other to do anything about it. However, we have agreed that if I reach the age of 36 and six months (where he will be 37 and four months) and neither of us are married or involved with anyone else, we'll have a crack at it. It sometimes scares me that this might actually happen.

If backing up our computer files is a smart thing to do, can the same be said of our love lives? Tell me, when it comes to relationships, is it really better to be on the safe side?

Love, Noeline
xox

At night rave near the guard's compartment, naked with a blue light

In the last 2 weeks you gave me air conditioning when it was storming, and none when it was 40 degrees celsius.
Then when I was meant to meet up with a friend, you canceled my train all together.
Then, you gave me three weekends of track work in a row.
Then you had the nerve to increase the price of my train ticket.
Then, both the ticket window and machine wouldn't accept eftpos. I had $1.
After that you gave me track work on a week day. You told me a bus would come every 10 minutes. It came every 30.

I pay $3 more for a weekly ticket than what I did 2 years ago. Funny thing is your service (or lack thereof) is just as shit as it's ever been. That's an extra $156 every year.

So what the hell do you all do when there's so called 'track work'? Is that code word for 'holiday'?

So from the bottom of my heart, FUCK YOU Cityrail, FUCK YOU. Looks like a bad year ahead for you and I.

“Only in NSW would commuters be asked to pay more for services that are getting worse.”
- State Opposition transport spokeswoman Gladys Berejiklian

Some best friend you are

Customer: [comes back from the fitting room with about 5 items] Can I put these on hold till the end of the week?
Sales Assistant: Sorry, we can only hold till the end of the day.
Customer: But, I'm like best friends with the manager. She let's me hold stuff for as long as I want all the time.
Sales Assistant: Anne* no longer works here.
Customer: Oh really? Since when?
Sales Assistant: About a week or two ago.
Customer: [walks out]