Wipe-On Sex Appeal

Growing up, why didn't anyone (i.e. Girlfriend or Dolly) tell us that sometimes, he's just not that into you because of your pheromones?

Pheromones are primarily perceived through olfactory sensors, and studies suggest they are excreted by several areas of the body, including the skin, sweat glands, saliva, and urine… You may even pick your soul mate by subconsciously reacting to pheromones that transmit their genetic compatibility.

Human Pheromones: The Science Behind the Scent of Attraction

To think of all the teenage heartache that could have been prevented, or at least made for a really good excuse when you can't (or won't) explain why things aren't working out.

Someone should create a dating service based on pheromone matching. I'd invent it myself, but #toohardbasket.

Or you could just use Wipe-On Sex Appeal. I'm guessing they've worked out a one-size-fits-most combination of pheromones which appeals to the majority. Either that or they're really good at scamming people with glorified baby wipes until hard regulations arrive. I've seen dispensers of this stuff in public bathrooms. So it must be legit, right? Does anyone have anecdotal evidence of these actually working?

If you think your pheromones are out of order, you can always disguise them with a perfume that works (the placebo might help as well).

One study confirmed that pheromones are commonly used by the perfume industry. Although companies claim to use these compounds as a carrier of the fragrance, the added pheromones are most likely the secretly seductive ingredient. Since perfumes are primarily marketed based upon their ability to appeal to the opposite sex, the pheromone-perfume combination makes perfect “scents”! 

Human Pheromones: The Science Behind the Scent of Attraction

Then again I have barely any sense of smell, which may also account for my past choices in men.

Happy smelling!

Tinder, kills 99.9% of online dating shame

If you haven’t already heard, straight Grindr has arrived. (Or at least a more successful version of Blendr. If you haven’t heard of it before, that explains why!) Its name is Tinder, and for the past few weeks has been serving as a vicarious source of entertainment in my life.

According to Tinder brand manager Joshua Metz, the app is downloaded more than 1000 times a day in Australia.

In a society where how you both met is still held to scrutiny, Tinder has managed to secure itself that sweet little territory between the social acceptance of meeting someone face-to-face, and the still lingering social embarrassment of online dating. That it all takes place on an app somehow makes it all okay.

Perhaps it’s the minimal effort (swipe left for no, swipe right for yes) that makes people so blasé about using it. Compared to the tediousness of subscribing to usually paid online dating sites and crafting the perfect profile, Tinder almost seems like an accidental slip of the finger to download.

"I don’t take it seriously, it’s just funny."

"I use it as a joke. I think it’s hilarious."

However, that people still find it necessary to defend their intentions exposes how some discomfort still remains when it comes to meeting people online. 

So despite anecdotal evidence that most people are only in it for a laugh, there are some brave customers actually using the product for its intended purpose. Like my friend, Laura*.

She’s 24, and has no qualms about telling her close friends where she met the guy she’s currently dating. He, on the other hand found it necessary to clarify on their first date that he doesn’t usually do things like ‘this’ i.e. meet up with randoms from Tinder for coffee. Despite them by now having gone on a few dates and talking everyday, none of his friends or family know how they really met.

Trying to see things from his end, I suggested that maybe his shame lay in the peculiarity of dating someone from an app stereotypically associated with booty calls. That some people assume a certain level of promiscuity of Tinder users might cause them to question the nature of any relationships that come out of it.

For my other friends, it’s a non-confronting way of easing back onto the dating scene. Tinder allows you to be as brutal as you want while you play God on who gets the honour of a possibility to message you (should they like you too). Plus, since those you rejected will never know you passed on them, and inversely the identities of those who rejected you – egos need only worry about what to do with all those mutual attractions.

The fact that I’ve chosen to enjoy Tinder vicariously rather than downloading the damn thing myself brings me to the issue of Tinder etiquette.

Is it wrong to actively use the app, albeit as a ‘joke,’ if you’re already in a relationship?

If you’re lucky enough to have reaped the product benefits of Tinder and managed to start dating someone (actual sex not withstanding), should you stop using the app?

For a hilarious yet useful list of Tinder Do’s and Don’ts, check out 10 tips on how to get a date using Tinder.

Will you join the growing number of Australians giving online dating stereotypes and expectations the Tinder Finger? Perhaps you already have? Any stories, share them below!

Love, Noeline

xox

How to pay for dinner and still be an asshole

When dating there are guys who pay for everything, guys who pay half, and guys who pay nothing.

But there's also the kind who'll shout groups of friends to show who's boss, then plan a date with his girlfriend and ask her to take care of the bill upon its arrival. Who is he really dating in this situation?

There's also the confused guy fighting an inner battle. One side of him wants to be all modern and advocate equality of the sexes by going Dutch, and the other side of him wants to be all romantic and gentlemanly by paying for everything. So as a coping mechanism against footing the bill he'll complain about how much of a rip off everything is and how much better his mum can make the same dish. He'll count how many hours he worked to pay for the meal in front of you, and how much money that leaves him for the rest of the week and how now he can't buy the pair of shoes he's been eyeing for the past couple of weeks. Then before you know it you realise you lost your sense of taste about five mouthfuls ago. He's been barging on so much now it's impossible to enjoy your food and everything was just a stupid waste of time and money.

Guys, whatever you decide, be graceful about it.

Love, Noeline
xox

What are butterflies in your stomach?

The first time it happened I was young, and all he had to do was put his arm around my waist. I felt dizzy in my stomach, but a nice kind of dizzy. Until then I never really knew what it meant to have butterflies in your stomach.

To this day, I still don’t know how to describe it with justice. It feels like melting. It’s like a feelings type of orgasm.

“Kiss me”
“No”
“Just kiss me, and if you don’t feel anything, I’ll leave you alone”
So we kissed, and I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t get the butterflies.

I’ve dated a few guys in my life, and the butterflies came with some, not with others. Since then, I’ve taken them as a physiological response to my subconscious. i.e. That despite what I tell myself, if I get the butterflies it’s because deep down inside I really (really, really, really) like him.

But that’s just me. It appears that people also get the butterflies in their stomach when they feel nervous.

“I get it more when I am nervous. Like before a big sports game. When I used to swim competitively I used to get it all the time.”

So whether you get them in the company of someone you like or during moments of nervousness – both reactions are a form of stress. When we’re stressed blood is redistributed towards our most important organs like the heart and muscles so as to give them more oxygen. But in order to do so, blood needs to move away from the less important organs like the stomach, and this is what gives off that butterfly feeling.

For those who don’t know, I’m single again for the first time in more than five years. I’m scared that all the failed relationships behind me, combined with the scientific knowledge of what butterflies actually are might cause me never to feel them again.

Ya veremos (We’ll see).

Love, Noeline
xox

Now I ain’t sayin’ she’s a Gold Digger, but she ain’t messin’ with no broke, broke

It’s Friday. Tonight, there will be hundreds of first, second and third dates taking place around the country. And the question on everyone’s lips isn’t about what to wear or who should make the first move – but who should pay.

And it’s not just singletons with this problem. What about friends just catching up over a meal? Or people already in a committed relationship?

Half a century ago this would have sounded like a silly question, but it seems the issue is more relevant now than ever.

Here’s what some of my fellow Facebookers had to say:


Their responses suggest that friends and partners operate on a sharing system by taking turns or "going Dutch" – whereby each person pays their own way.

But why is there so much pressure on guys footing the bill? "Consider that chivalry started at a time when men worked and women didn’t. Women, literally, could NOT pay… men picking up the check sprung out of necessity, not out of kindness… [and] it has since been codified into a gentleman’s code," writes Evan Marc Katz on the Corporate Singles website.

And even though 57% of women will offer to pay, 34% are bothered if he accepts (Daily Mail).

With that said however, “nearly 9 in 10 of… wouldn’t go for the most expensive item on the menu” (Jasmin Aline Persch). This is because some women feel obligated to give sexual favours, especially in return for expensive dinners. One woman quoted in ‘The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Dating’ confesses:

“I hate to say it, but if he just paid $200 for a meal, and he wants to make moves and have sex, I feel a funny obligation, that’s why I feel much better if I pay my way.”

And the remaining 1 in 10? I guess they’re what you’d call dinner whores. "Basically, a dinner whore is a woman who accepts lavish and expensive dinner dates without ever entertaining the notion of having any sort of physical or intimate relationship with the man" (Advice Diva).

It appears that even though times have changed, tradition prevails. Statistics show that 75% of men feel guilty letting the woman pay – regardless of how much she makes (Jasmin Aline Persch).

So putting all these things together, if most men pay for dinner out of guilt for not being traditional, and if some women "put out" because they feel obligated, I wonder how many dates lead to unintended sex?

Love, Noeline
xox