In the last 2 weeks you gave me air conditioning when it was storming, and none when it was 40 degrees celsius. Then when I was meant to meet up with a friend, you canceled my train all together. Then, you gave me three weekends of track work in a row. Then you had the nerve to increase the price of my train ticket. Then, both the ticket window and machine wouldn't accept eftpos. I had $1. After that you gave me track work on a week day. You told me a bus would come every 10 minutes. It came every 30.
I pay $3 more for a weekly ticket than what I did 2 years ago. Funny thing is your service (or lack thereof) is just as shit as it's ever been. That's an extra $156 every year.
So what the hell do you all do when there's so called 'track work'? Is that code word for 'holiday'?
So from the bottom of my heart, FUCK YOU Cityrail, FUCK YOU. Looks like a bad year ahead for you and I.
Customer: [comes back from the fitting room with about 5 items] Can I put these on hold till the end of the week? Sales Assistant: Sorry, we can only hold till the end of the day. Customer: But, I'm like best friends with the manager. She let's me hold stuff for as long as I want all the time. Sales Assistant: Anne* no longer works here. Customer: Oh really? Since when? Sales Assistant: About a week or two ago. Customer: [walks out]
If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it still make sound?
Or better yet - if a guy smokes behind his girlfriend’s back, and she wasn’t there to see it, has he still broken his promise?
As of late I’ve noticed people doing things their partners believe they either (1) never did or (2) don’t do anymore. It can involve smoking as shown in the example above, or it can be the odd marijuana joint. It could involve talking – maybe even catching up with someone you had (or still do have) a thing for.
It’s no wonder why some people like to keep their love lives and their social lives in separate bubbles, and why the other unrelentingly proposes for a merger.
But did anyone ever stop to think about what the mutual friends go through?
We have to go about keeping the trust of one while betraying the other: because God knows if I was her I’d wish someone had told me earlier (you might have to read that a couple of times for it to make sense).
You might think you’re the victim of a controlling partner who made you hide things from them to keep your sanity, but we’re collateral damage when word gets out.
Whether we were friends with your partner before you guys started dating, or whether you introduced us – we lose the respect of that person because it becomes obvious we too were conspirators.
So have mercy on us next time you tell us not to tell your girlfriend. We appreciate that you're confiding in us, and of course we’re here for you – but can we suggest that as a new years resolution you be more honest in your relationship?
From the 1st to the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me... well, nothing. And the feeling’s mutual. I didn’t get my boyfriend anything either. This may come as a shock to some of you, as did a friend of mine when she asked what I had got him. "We don’t really believe in giving presents for the sake of it," I told her.
If only her now ex-boyfriend lived by the same philosophy. He "chucked a sook" having received a canvas print from her one Christmas. My guess is that he was wondering where the other nine parts to his gift were.
How did we come to breed kids with attitudes such as these anyway? Then I thought back to my shifts in retail this Christmas season, and how I’ve swiped many a parent’s credit card for upwards of $500 on one child.
I trolled the internet hoping to point fingers at who got us into this mess.
According to Articles Base, "in the Christian faith gifts… represent the presents the wise men brought to the baby Jesus." Since then "gift giving became a symbolic reminder of the birth of Christ."
Then, “Christmas shopping was encouraged to overcome the depression during the period 1839-40” (All Things Christmas). There’s not much difference in 2009, with recent news coverage lamenting that this year’s Christmas expenditure won’t be enough to undo the damage of the global financial crisis.
A couple of weeks ago, I lost my phone for the second time in two years. Fearing that this might actually become a yearly ritual, I have decided to refrain from such things as Blackberrys and iPhones.
So I bought a $39 brick from the Optus store. Supposedly locked to the Optus network, I teamed it with a $5 sim card from Virgin. Which makes me wonder, what actually goes on when people fork out $80 for an 'unlocking' service fee?
… I'm thirty years old. I have never, ever cheated on a girlfriend. I only date one girl at a time... But I must admit that I look… no matter how hard I've tried to change, I can't. The only way I can't look is if I focus all attention on not looking… It's a reaction, plain and simple. As involuntary as turning your head when you hear your name… - Answer Bag
Some call it checking out. Others call it perving. Call it whatever you want, they all mean the same thing. Here are two definitions I grabbed from Urban Dictionary:
To look at someone's features in order to determine that person's level of sexual attractiveness and the extent to which you would like to [fuck them].
…to look them up and down and assess how attracted to them you are, based on physical appearance only. Can be done by both males and females. If you’re a straight guy, you would "check out" girls but not other guys - even if you appreciate that they are attractive, this is different to being attracted to them.
With these things said, is it really harmless to look without touching?
From the outset of our relationship, my boyfriend and I have always perved on girls together. Shopping centers, public spaces and television screens beware. Most times I find it fun. Other times I find it frustrating when he approves of a girl I clearly find unattractive, or disagrees about a girl I find gorgeous. In so doing I’ve taught him such things as the disaster that is fake tan, and the difference between waif bodies and hourglass figures. Without realising, it became a part of our relationship I didn’t question.
That was until numerous friends reported almost breaking up with their partners who either (a) got hurt by ‘inconsiderate’ comments like ‘Damn I’d tap Megan Fox any day’ or (b) didn’t understand how in the world their partner could be offended by similar exclamations.
Wondering if relationship etiquette for such circumstances existed, I put it out there: Is it okay to perve on other people while in a relationship, whether or not your partner is there with you in person, silently in your head and/or out loud?
Here’s what some of you said:
“I don’t mind. I feel that if one does so silently it means they feel guilty? Which would make you wonder. By that I mean feeling guilt towards their partner because they did it silently (in secret).”
“It is ok to perve at all times. It’s only embarrassing when you get caught by the perve-ee.”
“To 'look' silently is oh but natural, to look 'out loud' is just rude.”
“Depends on the circumstances. If both partners are okay with it then it makes it okay but… one or the other will have their self-esteem affected by it, even in the smallest of ways.”
“My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and we've discussed this many times! For us, it's completely ok to 'perve' on other people, as long as it's nothing more than that. I think that looking at the opposite sex is in our nature, and it's not like we have any intentions beyond that, it's just admiring!”
“I reckon it’s a-ok! You’re in a relationship with them so they should be your best bud as well. Your opinions matter and if you think that someone is good looking, either of the opposite sex or not, its a free country and you’re entitled to your opinion. We don’t all date Johnny Depps and Jude laws so just a little perve keeps us sane!”
“I'm ok with it just as long as your partner is always honest and faithful. If you trust them, I don't see the reason why not. Just as long as they're not over the top, and make such a big deal about the hot person that the significant other's self esteem is crushed. Oh, and just as long as they always remind you how beautiful you are too.”
From some of the responses it seems that perving is okay as long as it’s with A-list celebrities us mortals don’t stand a chance of leaving our partners for.
From some of the other responses it seems that who you perve on is beside the point – that to check someone else out is to inadvertently point out the flaws and shortcomings of your partner.
From the rest of the responses it seems that you can’t call a ‘natural’ reflex wrong in the first place. But whether or not you might as well share what’s on your mind or keep them to yourself is a whole other contentious issue.
It seems that Australian men are going with the first option, and not tastefully either. Author of online column called Sex and the Suburbs writes:
I'm not sure if they are aware of how obvious their perving is or if they simply just don't care but when [they] nearly give…[themselves] whiplash to have another look at you when he walks past[,] it's kind of hilarious.
There comes a time in everyone’s life when they suddenly find themselves detached from popular culture, forcing one to contemplate whether or not they’re getting old.
That moment came to me a couple of nights ago. It’s not that I got excited about a Spotlight sale, nor was I contemplating about throwing a Tupperware party - I was at an inner city Hip-Hop and R&B club for my friend’s 20th birthday.
Some of the songs I didn’t know at all. Most of the songs I remember NOT downloading because, and to use this term loosely, they sounded gay. Everything sounded like it was produced by ABC’s Playschool, featuring Big Ted.
And there I was, caught between rips of people who seemed not to notice a thing.
For obvious reasons, a friend I call my soul mate felt the exact same way. In between Akon songs gone wrong (and of that there was ten too many), we lamented over where all the good Hip-Hop and R&B had disappeared to (the one's we grew up listening too anyway). Lil Jon, Jay-Z, The Ying Yang Twins, Fatman Scoop, Busta Rhymes, 50 Cent and Ludacris were nowhere to be seen, or should I say heard.
Early on in our relationship, I would hug him through clothes she bought for him.
One time we were going through his family photo albums – only to find it specked with photos of her.
Feeling cold at his house one night, he gave me something to throw on. Turns out I wasn’t the only girl who’s worn it.
Another time he was cleaning his room. In the process of throwing out perfectly good pens, he came across a perfectly good notebook. Having scolded him about having thrown away perfectly good pens, he threw me the perfectly good notebook. Turns out it wasn’t blank.
In each of these situations, you could have thrown me into a pool of elephant dung and I’d have felt less disgusted.
And that’s when I fast-forwarded decades into the future. What if the man I end up marrying kept wearing the clothes and using the jewellery his ex-girlfriend handpicked for him? What if I moved in with him only to cook, dine, sleep and watch TV using the furniture and appliances he bought with his ex-fiancée? The thought terrified me. Is there any way out of this mess, or is it just a part of life I haven’t yet learned to accept?
So, is it okay to keep things from your ex? eg. letters, clothes, etc.?From the responses prevailed a group of functionalists:
“If you return it, he or she will [just] throw it away. Why throw away good things? It’s a waste. What if it’s a Play Station 3? I wouldn’t want to throw that away. If your ex-boyfriend gave you a Louis Vuitton bag, wouldn’t you still keep it if you guys broke up?
“If it has a purpose, such as a vacuum, expensive labelled clothing, hose, shower head, auto mobile or umbrella – keep it!”
“I was given a soft toy giraffe that I absolutely adore and I still have. My current boyfriend doesn't mind at all. I guess if the relationship is strong enough things like that shouldn't matter”
“After my last break up I ripped every single letter and photo… and as for the things he's given like clothes, bags and other material things, they just become part of my wardrobe and I forget who even gave me what”Then we have the sceptics. They argue that keeping things from past relationships is disrespectful to the partner/s that follow.
“I don’t it’s right. It’s like you’re hanging on to something – some type of hope – even if it is a Tiffany & Co. bracelet or Miu Miu handbag - you have to let go”
“Only okay if you use the items for Voodoo, otherwise trash that shit”
“Keeping them reflects some sort of attachment and it wouldn't be right if you really cared for the one you’re with.”
“I don’t get why you would want to hold on to your past… it causes problems. You never know, you could be married and your wife finds your letters and ex-numbers stashed away. How do you explain yourself then? I know a few couples who kept that kind of stuff and got caught red-handed - married couples too”
“I was with my boyfriend for three years. When he was cleaning out his cupboard this year he showed me all this stuff his ex’s gave him: cards, letters and notes. Ummm WTF? It’s not cool to keep that shit!”
“That’s a difficult one to generalise on because I think that certain situations would render it inappropriate and others would make it okay. Basically it's not okay to keep things from your ex if you want to move on or have already done so. But I think its okay during that ‘mourning period’ where uncertainty is everything and you don't know if you can move on. But yeah when you snap out of it, it shouldn't even be an issue, throw it out!”
“I used to [keep the things my ex gave me], but not anymore. I think people hang on to things like love letters because they hope they'll find something like that again. When you do, you don't feel the need to keep them anymore. [For example,] my ex wrote me a few songs and I kept them for months after we broke up until I found my current boyfriend. I threw the CDs out because I'm so much happier now than I was then. I don't need to hang on to that hope anymore”
“There are some things I kept from ex’s. It was a bit of sentimental value, but a few years later, when I find them again, I might have a laugh or a shake of the head, but yeah in the bin it goes”Surprisingly - only ONE respondent agreed that it was okay to keep the things given him/her from an ex:
“I’ve only kept the ones from my first love in a box he gave me. I’m not holding onto hope or what not, it’s just a part of my life that I smile and laugh at what when I read them (which is like once in a blue moon). I think keeping them doesn’t mean you want to get back with them, it just shows that at one point in you life you were able to love and be loved in return” But with all these things said, what do you do when one person thinks it’s okay and the other person doesn’t? Should the functionalist succumb to throwing away perfectly good things? Or should empiricists simply learn to deal with it?
A few people I've spoken to said that it depends on the situation - whether or not your ex and your current boy/girlfriend get along. That if your new boy/girlfriend has a problem with your ex/s - it's best not having things lying around to upset him/her.
What do you think? Simply click on the comment link below - especially for those of you who didn’t get to share your thoughts and/or experiences the first time round.
When I was in primary school they called me ‘goody two shoes’ and ‘teacher’s pet’. And by ‘they’ I mean the ones who knew I even existed; for you see I was that abnormally quiet girl.
But today she’s got a confession. Beneath the surface I had a soft spot for the bad boys: the ones whose names were always on the board for talking in class. The ones who dared enter the playground without a hat with their shirt hanging out.
Come high school, they suddenly lost all appeal. I guess it’s because getting kicked out of school, smoking, binge drinking, violence, drug dealing and addictions are gradations too high on the social deviancy scale for me to handle.
So why do smart, well-grounded people with a functioning moral compass fall for trouble?
I had a friend confess that they like being with someone whose life is more dramatic than their own. The relationship becomes a mission to ‘save’ the other, which in turn brings them self-worth.
This is all fine and dandy in movie scripts – but since when did modern dating become a form of martyrdom? Call me old fashioned, but when did we stop admiring people for their integrity?
When you find out, write me a comment or something will ya?
In the last 2 weeks you gave me air conditioning when it was storming, and none when it was 40 degrees celsius.
