The Shy Piece

Have you ever noticed 'the shy piece?' It's the last piece of food that most people are too shy or too polite to take. It occurs when a collective group of people all believe somebody else probably wants it more than they do, or that someone else has already called mental 'dibs' on it. In severe circumstances, this poor piece of food winds up cold to the point of being unappetizing.

I laugh a little inside every time I see one. I might even start a photo collection of them.

A shy piece of salt and pepper squid from my work Christmas party.

Love, Noeline
xox

Words

Reality depresses me

We spend a lot of our lives growing into things that are at first too big. When I started high school, mum bought every item of my uniform about two sizes too big. "You'll grow into it," she'd say. Little did we know that was around the time I'd stop growing any taller.

For me, the world itself is a bit like that. When I was little the world was such a promising place. I couldn't wait to grow into it, to be a part of it and contribute to it in more tangible ways than a colouring book or a recount about my weekend. As much as I loved learning and going to school, I just wanted to get out there into the real world and do real things.

The city seemed full of important people bustling in and out of tall important buildings doing important work. I even looked up to the local grocer and the check-out people at my local supermarket. When you're barely a metre high yourself, everyone else seems to walk around with a sense of self-assuredness. In a big, complicated world they all seemed to know what they were doing, and in their own little ways they were organising it. I was fascinated.

But now I know what they mean when they say that ignorance is bliss. All those toy cash registers are nothing like real life cash registers. They crash a lot, and sometimes it doesn't feel like taking eftpos. So you get yelled at customers who blame it on the company rather than technology. Sometimes they take it out on you, personally. Like we're choosing not to make it work, because we're entertained by people screaming at us.

Those tall important buildings are actually full of people running around like headless chickens. It's full of people being given too much work by managers who do next to nothing, it's full of people working overtime to get them done and not being recognised for it.

It's full of women not earning enough as men because they're women, full of women not becoming managers because they're too emotional, it's full of women not getting promoted because they get pregnant - in other words, it's full of women being disrespected in fancy ways.

It's full of interns learning nothing, abused for their willingness to please, who spend the best part of their days on coffee runs and lunch runs.

It's full of people being "too young" or "too old" to be hired, discriminated by companies who prioritise budget before productivity and the skill of its employees.

Its full of people who can't get experience because there are more jobs that demand experience than offer training.

It's full of people trying to run businesses in the 21st century with computer systems designed in the 90's, but can't do anything about it because CEO's would rather sacrifice long term productivity than spend "too much" money on building faster, better, more streamlined programs - CEO's that claim the system works "just fine" but have never been on the shop floor and tried to use it them selves.

It's full of managers with double standards, who claim to have a "performance based roster" yet give more shifts to the staff they get along with and can flirt with, who enforce rules on other people but refuse to follow it them selves.

The only thing that amazes me now, is how, amidst all the chaos of workplace politics, the world I once admired for its functionality hasn't already completely fallen apart.

The more I learn about the world the more depressing it gets. I wish I could be more positive but am struggling for places to find hope. Maybe this next year abroad will do me some good, distract my disappointment in the experiences of travel and the goodness of people.

Love, Noeline
xox

The Facebook Icon From Hell

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Why does the new 'Suggest Friends' icon look like the Shittyrail logo? I almost fogot about the train that got cancelled on me yesterday. Am I going to be forced to relive bad memories everytime I log onto Facebook? JODER! (That's Spanish for...)

Love, Noeline
xox

Sticky - adjective.

The impression given of girls who party in excess without taking showers in between. They are marked by unwashed hair and make-up applied on top of old make-up whilst singing badly e.g. "Kesha's so sticky. Like if you touched her your finger would stick to her skin" - Josh Leigh. "Look those girls are even stickier than Kesha, they're sticking together as they dance" - David Chaplin.




Love, Noeline
xox

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready - H.D. Thoreau

Maybe it's a form of tween angst, but recently I've noticed a lot of people retorting that they’re 'sick of Sydney' and just 'want to get away from it all.' Where? 'Anywhere but here,' they say. Although I laud their desire to go out and see the world, and try new things – I can't help but wonder whether some people are just saying it in vain. Like it was said as an expression of frustration or boredom than actual intent. As if packing your bags and flying off to another country is easy, as if traveling itself and adjusting to another culture is simple. So what do you do when you don't live on the set of Gossip Girl? When you don’t have the luxury of running off to The Bahamas when experiencing boyfriend problems?

There are enough blogs out there littered with pictures of the Eifel tower and other travel destinations. What I want to see more of are less people accompanying these pictures with excuses. You can and should do something about it. What are you waiting for?

I feel like I have at least somewhat of a right to say these things because I myself don't come from a wealthy family. Unlike some families who regularly go on vacations, we haven't been overseas in more than a decade. I come from a single income household. I don't get allowance. I help my mum out with the bills. I'm too old to receive child support. I make too much for Centrelink. If you're better off than me in any of these ways you've already got a head start.

A lot of people wonder how I ever managed to save enough money to fund the year that I'll be spending overseas. For the past three years I juggled full time uni with two part-time jobs. When I didn't get enough shifts at one, I found another. Most nights I stayed up past midnight to keep up with uni work. I budgeted. I packed my lunch as often as I could (I lie, my mum does it for me). My outings were few and far between. I lost friends who didn't respect why I couldn’t 'just call in sick' to work, who misinterpreted my inability to eat out, to go shopping or out clubbing with them as a sign that I didn’t want to spend time with them. I researched financial institutions and invested my money in an account that accrued interest, and moved it again when I found another one better. I learned that it’s okay to buy an expensive pair of leather shoes if it'll last longer than ten pairs of cheap synthetic ones. Buying cheap things on a whim doesn't necessarily work out cheaper per se.

I'm not trying to glorify myself. All of these things people my age are perfectly capable of doing, with or without the same hardships, but choose not to do. I'm not saying it was easy. It was fucking hard. But the best things in life are usually the things you worked your arse off for i.e. love, raising children, etc.

Some people spend their whole lives waiting for the perfect time that never comes; they turn into old people with regrets. But at some point you’re always going to be sacrificing something. I sacrificed my social life (and maybe a bit of my sanity) to do be able to travel in my early twenties. So I could travel whilst on the cusp of international legal age, when my body was at its fittest (which at the moment, isn't actually very fit), and my stamina at its highest (which, again, isn't very high). People who decide to focus on their careers first might find they have to sacrifice a potential promotion in order to travel. People who decide to have children first might find they have to sacrifice some activities for the more family-friendly ones.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's possible to be in your late teens or early twenties and start taking hold of your own life, to determine your own destiny instead of waiting for others. And it doesn’t have to do with traveling; I mean it for anything in life, for everything in life. Whatever it is, if you’re not going for it, it’s a sign you must not really want it.

People my age tell each other that they don’t have enough money to go out. There’s an expectation amongst us that it’s bad to have money saved up for something greater than a drunken night on the town. I hope it changes. I hope you go for what you want.

Love, Noeline
xox


Logroño, La Rioja. My new home next year. So picturesque it looks like a painting.

Good side, bad side

During my time I’ve been fortunate enough to witness the eve of social networking. Despite it or because of it, my generation is considered self-obsessed, fascinated with broadcasting our selves on the Internet. These include our thoughts posted on Facebook or Twitter (of which our updates are probably nowhere as interesting as we think they are), or in the form of photos (of which we probably look nothing like in real life).

Not that it makes our opinions or photographs any less 'authentic,' but I like to think of our self-customised profiles as 2-D versions of the people they represent.

Words on a screen are rarely received in the tone we implied them to be, and photos posted tend to capture people at their most flattering.

A few days ago I was perusing through someone’s photo album on Facebook. After admiring her dress, her new hair-do and nice make-up – I realised that throughout the hundred or so photos in this album, she looked as if she was 'copy-pasted' into every single one. Whether she was in a photo with one other person or ten other people, without fail she was standing on the same side, same angle, same pose, same smile.

And then I remembered the numerous times I’ve posed for group photos, only to have friends fight over which ‘side’ to pose on because it was their most flattering. There will be a quarrel, the winner will make it their profile picture, the loser complies but will later 'untag' them selves from said picture.

According to the website Beauty Tips Online on 'How to be photogenic and look good in pictures,'

Most people have a "good side" and a "bad side"… by taking a close look at yourself in the mirror, you will probably discover that one side looks better. Maybe it's a scar on your face or the way your hair falls. When you learn which side looks better, you can angle yourself so that your best side is prominent. If you're posing for a casual group photo, be the first up there so you can choose your spot. Accentuate your best features and pose your body in such a way to hide your flaws… practice posing in a full-length mirror.

But on a deeper level, extreme levels of such behaviour can lead to issues of self-esteem and disrupt social functioning. A sufferer of Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) reveals:

When I turn my head to the left, that side of my face is thinner, smaller, my nose is straight and pointed, my cheeks are sharp, my eyes are on the same level and the proportions look fine. However, when I turn my head to the right, that side of my face is fatter, bigger, my nose is curved and wonky, my cheeks are fat, my eyes are not on the same level, my eyebrows are wonky and the proportions look completely out of place. When I decide to actually go out, I am constantly planning how to position myself so that nobody is viewing my 'ugly' side. I hate photos, but when I do take them it's always of my good side. The other side looks like a different, uglier person. When people are on that 'ugly' side, I feel extremely self-conscious and avoid looking at them. I hate it so much. It's gotten to a point where I’ve missed 50% of school because I hate being on that hideous side where everyone can observe and see how different it is from my prettier side.
(Source: PsychForums)

It’s no wonder that symptoms of BDD appear during adolescence, when people start to become critical of their appearance. In the pictures we post of ourselves online we see the convergence of two inner conflicts: the pressure to participate in social networking and the pressure to look good.

Love, Noeline
xox

Draw the rest of the fucking head

I don't know why but I find this really hilarious.

Being solitary is being alone well - Alice Koller

Depending on who you are as a person, it may come as a shock or a downright bore to you that last Friday I went to the 'Sculptures by the Sea' exhibition in Bondi Beach... by myself.

It was a spur of the moment decision I made the night before, just before going to bed. Most of my friends were either at work or uni (I was skipping it myself in order to go).

I asked my boyfriend, but had previous plans with his family. I asked my mum, but she had a headache.

I've been wanting to go for years. I don't particular remember what kept stopping me, but this year I wasn't going to let being alone be one of them.

I can't recall the last time I had so much fun by myself (no pun intended). After months, maybe even years of spending my days surrounded by other people, it was nice to be alone with my own thoughts, to get to know myself again.

I was scared I'd end up counting the hours, like you do when you're stuck somewhere you don't want to be. But before I knew it a whole day had passed, I practically left home at 10 and didn't look at my watch till 4.

For anyone whose ever surrounded themselves with other people just to get away from themselves, it was a relief to find that I actually liked my own company.

I think everyone needs to have days like these every once in a while. To reconfigure yourself in the universe, just to check you're where you thought you are.

Of course, you won't always like what you find. Which is why some people don't like being alone. Because they're too scared to meet the person they've become.

But in a way that's a good thing too. It could be a wake up call for change, a personal intervention.

I'll admit, I'm a different person around different people. It's not about being fake, it's about being human. Heck, I have to change my accent just so my mum can understand me. It's just that different parts of me get along with different types of people.

But who are you when you're with no one but yourself? That's you in your entirety.

Love, Noeline
xox

I lived in solitude in the country and noticed how the monotony of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind - Albert Einstein

It is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it - Rainer Maria Rilke

Being solitary is being alone well: being alone luxuriously immersed in doings of your own choice, aware of the fullness of your own presence rather than of the absence of others. Because solitude is an achievement - Alice Koller

Yellow Ranger, Black Ranger

Toyskie: Do you like guys with yellow cars?
Me: No, I think it's slightly feminising.
Toyskie: What? Since when is yellow a feminine colour?
Me: Since forever.
Toyskie: Since the yellow ranger?
Me: She was asian, remember?
Toyskie: And the black ranger was black. Coincidence?