Inside scoop for some outside perspective

Now us sales assistants always get a bad wrap. On the one side we’re accused of being overbearing, pushy bimbos. At the same time we’re stretched to the other side of the spectrum as being stuck-up, snobby people. Here’s our rebuttal.

Firstly, this position is not the be-all and end-all of our careers. A lot of us are actually enrolled in secondary or tertiary education, and/or hoping to work our way up the ladder and end up in head office playing a more ‘respectable’ role. For others like us it’s an outlet from staid office jobs, apprenticeships, internships, etc.
Lesson 1: We’re not dumb.

Secondly, we’re not as spoilt as you think. If we were, we wouldn’t be working in retail – you’d be surprised how little it pays.

Some of us are working to help provide for our family financially – even if it means supporting ourselves. Some of us are trying to pay for our own education. Some of us are saving up for a home, or the chance to travel overseas. Some of us are saving up for a car – hence why we’re not working in a remote office as an administration assistant in a suburb untouched by public transport.

Although you will find the odd sales assistant who landed the job through connections, works for the fun of it, and spends their whole pay packet, as well as some of Daddy’s money on clothes and whatnot (given the chance, who wouldn’t?) – please don’t stereotype the rest of us.
Lesson 2: Yes, we have goals!

Thirdly, we might be naturally outgoing, but we’re taught how to be sticky beaks. For some reason it seems that human resources departments around the globe have yet to catch on to the fact that not all customers like being asked what the weather is like outside, what they’re doing today, and who they’re doing it with. Your energy is better spent sending your complaints to them – as opposed to contributing to the mountain of online forums bagging us out.

Whether or not we keep our jobs is determined by a list. They vary from company to company – but include whether or not we smiled, made eye contact, complimented you, made you aware of promotions, or offered you another item with your purchase. Whether or not we do these things is monitored by people called mystery shoppers, hired either by the company or the shopping center to make sure we’re doing a ‘good’ job at customer service. They don’t have a uniform, they look just like you - can you blame us for being so cautious?
Lesson 3: Don’t hate the player, hate the game!

Finally, you’ve all probably wondered why we don’t back off after you’ve picked up one item from the racks. Blame it on the individual sales targets we have to meet, of which our position is subject to review if we don’t meet them. Such figures vary depending on the days of the week (e.g. Thursdays to Sundays are generally busier than Mondays to Wednesdays) and/or trading periods (e.g. Christmas). It’s the company’s way of tracking whether or not we’re doing a good job, and indirectly - whether or not we’re following the selling steps as mentioned above.

But most importantly, under the laid-back atmosphere you might enter into, potentially lies a competitive relationship between staff. Some people will ‘steal’ customers off someone else – sometimes by accident, sometimes on purpose, and sometimes by the latter purported as the former.

Whose customer is who’s is based on who said ‘hi’ first, or who put an item of clothing in the change room first, or who assisted a customer already in the change room when the first staff member has walked off. So yes, things can get very messy – especially for disorganised companies with no set procedure.

Our being clingy let’s everyone else know that you’re ours. So when we ask you to wait for the other person to come back we don’t mean to be snobby or lazy; we’re just being considerate of our fellow work mate. It’s when we take over that you should be worried.
Lesson 4: A little short-term commitment can’t hurt.

So with the Christmas period nearing it’s ugly head, please, help us help you :)

Love, Noeline
xox

Feliz cumpleaños, 生日快樂, Hyvää syntymäpäivää, среќен роденден, Happy Birthday

Yesterday I turned 20. How does it feel? About 15. I still can't drive. My mum still makes my lunch. I sill can't cook anything but toast and two minute noodles. I still live at home.

But I have stopped counting down the days, the presents, the money, the people. Does that make me mature minded or just a killjoy? Have I lost that intrinsic human element that makes people want, or need to make a shindig every 365th day of their lives?

Greg Merrick wouldn't say so. I've merely risen above a capitalist scam that maintains the hegemonic structure of society.

...the traditions associated with... birthdays, especially the obligatory purchasing of gifts, feeds the greedy jaws of capitalism by promoting the malignant scourge of wasteful consumerism, and therefore contributes to the acceleration of our own demise. How’s that for irony?

In defence, Samantha Price states:

I don't see the problem with giving people birthday presents. In fact, its almost as fun as getting your own!... birthday parties provide a positive function because people might feel blue over getting older, and parties make them feel better.

Good or bad, how have we come to comply with such an unquestioned tradition? The Coolest Kid Birthday Parties website reveals that

Birthday celebrations began as a form of protection. It was a common belief that evil spirits were more dangerous to a person when he or she experienced a change in their daily life, such as turning a year older. To protect them from harm, friends and family would gather around the birthday person and bring good cheers, thoughts and wishes. Giving gifts brought even more good cheer to ward off the evil spirits. Noisemakers are thought to be used at parties as a way of scaring away the evil spirits.

In some cultures rites of passage into adulthood are marked by a certain number of birthdhays. In Africa children "leave their parents' homes, paint their bodies white and are taught how to become young warriors" (Birthday Celebrations). Jewish boys have a bar mitzvah, Jewish girls have a bat mitzvah, Indian girls have a thread ceremony, and Filipino girls have a debut (Wikipedia) In Argentina, Brazil, Ecuador, Mexico and Uruguay - girls dance the waltz with their father and/or potential suitors. Doing so in high heels worn for the first time represents the transition from a girl into a woman (Bubble Gum Parties).

But sometimes the line between a rite of passage and an extravagant display of wealth and love become blurred. Check out this brat.



Love, Noeline
xox

Enigma

“For every one of those kids you see at rock concerts holding up the sign of the horns and not knowing anything about it, there are maybe five more kids who have read The Satanic Bible [and] know what Satanism is”
(Barton 1992, p. 201).

A couple of weeks ago I entered a humble Melbourne bookstore and came out with a biography of Anton LaVey: founder of the Church of Satan. There's something about the minds of freethinkers that intrigue me.

It’s funny how we think we know all there is about Satanism. I guess now would be a good time to clarify that they don’t literally worship a red skinned man with a tail, hoofs and horns who can’t let go of a pitchfork. Rather, Satanism is a metaphor for the “rational self-interest, avoidance of oppressive mentalities, the questioning of all, and a perseverance towards success and human potential” (Paradise cited in Crabtree 2000) embodied in an image of a devil-like figure.

“The Church Of Satan could have been called The Church of Set (Egyptian), The Church Of Shaitan (Islamic), etc, but the most famous adjective to describe our Church is Satan. The accuser, the rebel. Given that the COS is a Western phenomenon, it is only right to adopt a figurehead of what is in the Western World the most famous symbol of anti-deity sentiment”
(Crabtree 2000).

However, you need only type it into Google and you’re flooded with articles about a secret society whose practices range from child abuse and sexual orgies - to murder. But to the disappointment of our imagination, it’s founder Anton LaVey was born into America’s ideal nuclear family, grew up in a middle class home and went to a normal school. He worked with animals and was an avid musician. He had girlfriends, he had a wife, and he had children. He then spent some time working in the police force as a crime scene photographer.

“There were enough bloody scenes to make Anton’s mind seethe: children spattered on the sidewalk by hit and run drivers, young women brutally slain by jealous husbands… men shot by their brothers or best friends, [and] little girls raped... How was he to believe that there was… God… watching over all these people?” (Barton 1992, p. 59).

LaVey established The Church of Satan on the basis that people should be made accountable to each other – rather than waiting for “some supreme deity to dole out justice” (Barton 1992, p. 59). In a courtroom, what is justice but revenge in a fancy suit?

He also critiqued the rate in which Americans (and indirectly, western society) were swallowing the rhetoric of consumerism:

“Identities are sold at a premium, a precious commodity. The common man is sold individuality with every beer ad or shoe commercial… In previous centuries, the Church was the great controller, dictating morality, stifling free expression and posing as great conservator of all [things] great. Instead we have TV dictating fashions, thoughts, attitudes [and] objectives…” (LaVey cited in Barton 1992, p. 131-132).

Hence LaVey founded The Church of Satan to liberate people “from a contagion of mindlessness that destroys innovation” (LaVey 1992, p. 122). Does anyone else see a how this resonates with traditional liberalist philosophy?

For me the scariest thing about reading Lavey’s biography was being able to admit that on some points, maybe he was right. I am not, however, advocating Satanism. Nor am I not proclaiming that I am one. There are numerous aspects about Satanism that I don’t agree with – such as it’s Darwinist approach to social engineering, its belief in the supernatural, it’s aims to eradicate all other existing religions, or it’s seemingly short fuse to justify vengeful acts (see The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth).

I merely wish to present a side of Satanism and it’s founder that I don’t think penetrates mainstream society apart from what we see on MTV or Guitar Hero.

Love, Noeline
xox

Other Sources:
Barton, B. 1992, The Secret Life of a Satanist: the authorized biography of Anton LaVey, Feral House, New York.

LaVey, A. 1992, The Devil’s Notebook, Durango, Mexico.

Subjectivity

M: What's a good pick up line? Do they work on you?
N: Not really. If anything I find them amusing and just laugh.
Although, I think they'd work on girls with low self esteem.
M: What do you mean?
N: Well, why else would a girl believe anything some random said to her unless she needed reassurance?
M: Either that, or the guy just has really low standards.

Key terms for effective perving

Girls are each other's worst enemy. When it comes to the looks department we're more critical of each other than men are about us.

When hanging out with my guy friends and scoping out potential prey - they are oblivious to cellulite, dry hair and ugly nails - among numerous other things. Is it any wonder then, that they don't realise when we get haircuts? And then when it finally comes to a girl we agree on - they say she's hot when she's just cute.

So in a bid to end this feud once and for all, here's what we mean when we say that a girl is:

Cute: In hope of a better metaphor, she looks like a teddy bear. Innocent and infantile. Kinda like your best friend's little sister. She makes you want to pinch her cheeks... and that's about it.

Hot: Oozing in sexual appeal. While you're jizzing your pants, she warps our sexual orientation and we're lesbian for the time our eyes are laid on her.

Pretty: An elusive category. Like Audrey Hepburn, think timeless beauty. They have a classic look about themselves.

Beautiful: We like to save this word for people we actually know. And sometimes it has nothing to do with looks. It means they have big hearts and amazing personalities.

Ganga: They wear clothes two sizes too small, whilst following Jordan's (Katie Price) fashion sense. We know some of you would still 'tap that' regardless.

Average: Her features might fit into place, but there's nothing striking about her. We wouldn't give her a second glance.

Happy browsing, boys!

Love, Noeline
xox

The Englishes

What is an accent? According to Wikipedia, “an accent is a manner of pronunciation of a language.” But why do we find accents foreign to our own so tantalisingly attractive?

A couple of weeks ago I forwarded this question. Here’s some of the responses:

- French and Dutch accents because of the way their words just roll off their tongue.
- Accents make the world of difference. I like Scottish and American. It makes them sound more interesting and kind of makes you think of celebrities that have those accents.
- I suppose Italian, French, maybe even South African. I like to think I’m an individual; I like to stand out. So being with someone who has an accent almost feels like the match is a turn on.
- I like the pommy accent, because it’s just hot. But I like any accents I guess, it’s good to hear something different if you get what I mean.
- I blush at the sound of a distinctly European accent: Swedish, Scandinavian (Danish, Icelandic, Norwegian, etc), Balkan, Slavic and French.
- English, just because it reminds me of Jude Law. Accents are attractive because it's something different to what you're used to
- I’m attracted to someone with a hot Latino accent. There's something so fascinating about foreign things because they are always so unpredictable, and its what keeps excitement going :)

Personally, show me a man with a British accent and I turn to butter. In fact, an ad for Axe deodorant (otherwise known as Lynx) submits itself as the cure against girls just like me.



However, what’s considered hot or not in the realm of accents is left to contention, perhaps owing to the stereotypes attached to them. An article by the UK Telegraph writes that

“People with Brummie accents are perceived as the least intelligent in the country because of an assumption that they are likely to be criminals... Psychologists also claimed that a Yorkshire accent has overtaken the Queen's English as the pronunciation most strongly associated with wisdom and intellect.”

So what then is strongly associated with the Indian accent? Check out the following clip by comedian Russel Peters.



But regardless of what your accent conjures up, it seems that all you need is a Bud Light beer.




Love, Noeline
xox

Highly Recommended

"Anything could be true. The law of gravity was nonsense... 'If he thinks he floats off the floor, and if I simultaneously think I see him do it, then the thing happens... It doesn't really happen. We imagine it. It is hallucination.' He pushed the thought under instantly. The fallacy was obvious. It pre-supposed that somewhere or other, outside oneself, there was a 'real' world where 'real' things happened. But how could there be such a world? What knowledge have we of anything, save through our own minds? All happenings are in the mind. Whatever happens in all minds, truly happens."

Love, Noeline
xox

The Social Detox Diet

A couple of weeks ago I decided to call it quits with my old mobile phone provider – and with it came the sacrifice of those catchy digits I grew to love.

So why the change? Well, conditions for free chat time was constantly changing. Each amendment left me more and more short-changed than the last.

Then came the time for what is probably the third most grand announcement one will ever make in their lifetime “I HAVE A NEW NUMBER!” (after “I’M GETTING MARRIED!” AND “I’M HAVING A BABY!”).

But I decided not to. I realised that, just like the mobile phone provider, the people in that sim card stopped being beneficial to me. It’s not that I only associate with people whom I can use, it’s just that we stopped bringing out the best in each other. It’s not that I doubt my friendship with them was once great and wonderful, but that we’ve both changed.

According to Lifehack

“sometimes in life, it is necessary to let go of people that no longer serve as a support, but instead lead to stress and to problematic situations commonly referred to as “drama”. It is a hard truth to accept that not all the people that come into our lives are meant to stay.”

Though I’m not recommending that everyone should change their mobile numbers, there’s a host of other (braver) ways of breaking up with friends.

First, make a list containing why you think you shouldn’t be friends with this person anymore. According to wikiHow, common reasons include:

- [Taking] advantage of your good nature: is possessive, bullies, manipulates or makes you feel guilty
- One friend gets into habits that you don't agree with
- Your friend is only concerned with him/her self, and never pauses to think about anyone else
- S/he leans on you, but can't take the time to help you with your problems
- Your 'friend' says belittling/insulting things to or about you

Writing things down clears the head and can either (1) make you realise you’re overreacting, or (2) it might confirm your decision to break up with that person. If the latter prevails - spend less time with them. “Cut your conversations a little shorter, or mak[e] yourself less available to hang out… [and] don't agree to plans” (wikiHow).

Then comes the hard part, the part that most of us try to avoid: talk to them about it. However, “sending a letter or an e-mail might spare your friend some embarrassment, and save you the face-to-face awkwardness [but] it can also make you look… wimpy and weak” (wikiHow). It clears misconceptions on both sides about what went wrong, instead of gossiping to and involving mutual friends.

So what if you’re on the receiving end of the break-up? According to Dinorah Blackman, “Take the time to seriously and honestly evaluate your attitude. Maybe you need to work on some unattractive aspect of your personality or maybe you just have the bad habit of surrounding yourself with people that do not really appreciate you.”

What do you think? Share your thoughts and experiences by commenting – and remember that you can do so anonymously!

Love, Noeline
xox

Nothing we can do can change the past, but everything we do changes the future. - Ashleigh Brilliant

Today I was unsuspectingly rolling spring rolls when my mum told me that growing up, she used the same paste (a concoction of corn flour and water) for conventional purposes. And there I was assuming that Adam and Eve stuck leaves on their privates with a Bostik Glu Stik. Nonetheless, it inspired the search for vintage ads and marvel at how far we've come.


I don't even know how to comprehend this... a NASA space control thing? Check out the joy stick!


Tell your Telex operator it's a type writer.


The computer looks more like a microwave, or television. And look at the floppy disk drives!


My house phone is smaller than this.


Coke: giving back the kilojoules you just burnt.



The solution to a sexually liberated girlfriend.


I didn't get this ad until I noticed that the razor blade was an actual blade blade.


After Maybelline came Adobe Photoshop.


And I thought the Ab-King Pro was ridiculous!


Just when you thought scrunchees were social suicide.


You wish.

By the time we have kids, what's the bet they'll be scoring iPods in their happy meals? And while they've got some weird music cranking in their headphones that we can't even begin to conceive of - we'll be pressing them with our sufferings of what it was like back in our day.

Fuel for talk.

gossip [gos-uhp] noun.
1. idle talk or rumor, esp. about the personal or private affairs of others

And it seems that there's a little bit of Gossip Girl in all of us. According to Gerstein

Bonding with another individual feels pleasurable, even when it is done at the expense of a third party. It is assumed that those who unite in their criticism of a third party are superior to the berated person. "We think that what she did is outrageous. We would never do anything like this to anyone". The false illusion of superiority temporarily elevates the level of self-esteem of the "gossippers"... a way to avoid dealing with their own problems by concentrating on how poorly others solve theirs.

But be careful what you criticise about other people; because your audience might be going through and/or feeling the exact same thing.

Don't be surprised if they'd rather confide in your enemy than you.

Love, Noeline
xox