1) Go to Google maps.
2) Click on "Get Directions."
3) Type China as the start location.
4) Type Japan as the end location.
5) Scroll to direction #42.
6) Laugh, and repost.
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
Friday, 5 November 2010
Just let me put my dick on
I've been working on the retail side of a telecommunications company for about five months now.
After having worked in clothing for so long, I started this job feeling positive and up for a new challenge. I've come from talking about brands, materials, fits and accessories to megabits, megapixels and gigabytes. I'm getting my head around what feels like a million different computer systems.
Although I love the people I work with, a few customers are the ones making me feel like I don't belong.
I can't tell you how many times I've tried explaining company protocol, business rules and procedures to a dissatisfied male customer.
You won't believe how often they don't believe me.
You won't believe how many times I've had to 'double check' with a male colleague for their satisfaction, only to have him say the exact same thing.
You won't believe how many times their word was taken over mine.
In this day and age you're either submissive and feminine or assertive and a dike.
The next time you expect to be served by a guy, only to get served by a girl instead, understand that she is there by virtue. Understand that she went through the exact same application process as the others and was still the better person for the job. You should be admiring her, not putting her down.
For as long as there are gender biased people there will be gender based occupations.
Love, Noeline
xox
After having worked in clothing for so long, I started this job feeling positive and up for a new challenge. I've come from talking about brands, materials, fits and accessories to megabits, megapixels and gigabytes. I'm getting my head around what feels like a million different computer systems.
Although I love the people I work with, a few customers are the ones making me feel like I don't belong.
I can't tell you how many times I've tried explaining company protocol, business rules and procedures to a dissatisfied male customer.
You won't believe how often they don't believe me.
You won't believe how many times I've had to 'double check' with a male colleague for their satisfaction, only to have him say the exact same thing.
You won't believe how many times their word was taken over mine.
In this day and age you're either submissive and feminine or assertive and a dike.
The next time you expect to be served by a guy, only to get served by a girl instead, understand that she is there by virtue. Understand that she went through the exact same application process as the others and was still the better person for the job. You should be admiring her, not putting her down.
For as long as there are gender biased people there will be gender based occupations.
Love, Noeline
xox
Monday, 1 November 2010
How to move to another country
The romanticism of moving to a new country is so misleading. So I'd like to share with you, my dear readers, my stress.
[x] Buy a massive-ass suitcase
[x] Renew passport
[x] Travel insurance
[x] Plane ticket
[x] Get police fingerprint check
[ ] A (second) matriculation letter from my university in Spain saying I've been enrolled, my subjects, and the commencement/end dates of my course (the first copy from them didn't meet consulate standards!)
[ ] A bank statement proving I have enough funds to support myself
[ ] A medical certificate clearing my health
[ ] Book an appointment with the consulate to get my VISA
[ ] Exchange money into Euro
[ ] Apply for Centrelink
[ ] Pass Spanish 4 (no pass, no go)
Getting a police fingerprint check will either be one of the easiest, or hardest things in the world. With my luck, it was the latter. I went to one near uni after class, but they only do them on weekends. So I asked for the appropriate form, so I could fill it out during my 1 hour commute to my local police station.
When I got there, the attending constable had no idea what they were doing. They were making up information saying I was given the wrong form, and that my uni should have issued me the appropriate one. They then refused to give me the $175 police check the consulate specifically asked of us. They insisted on issuing me with a $52 background check, minus the fingerprints. Whenever I tried explaining my situation, they would talk over me saying that the $175 one is only for people applying for working visas and are going to be working with children. Since I had my credit card as part of my ID sitting on the counter, they went ahead and charged me $52. When I showed them documentation from the consulate that explicitly stated requiring the more expensive check, they refused to give me a refund - saying it would take 6 weeks (if that) for the cheque to arrive at my house. So they charged me the remaining amount on a different receipt with an incorrect product description (here's to hoping the uni will still rebate me my money). After leaving the police station I got a call back saying they wouldn't send my fingerprints for internal examination without a registered envelope, in case it got lost. So the next weekday I bought a registered envelope from the post office. I was advised that registered envelopes MUST be posted over the counter of a post office and NOT in a post box. So now I had the added burden of hoping that the policeman/woman whose hands my documents ended up in would be so kind enough as to take the time out of their busy schedule and line up in a post office to send my shit away. Upon arrival at my local police station, there was a different person attending the counter. I explained my situation, that I had already been there previously and was just dropping off an envelope to send my documents away. My fingerprints were there but my form was missing. Whereas the previous constable told me they kept no such forms on the premises, this one pulled out a whole stack from underneath the counter and got me to refill one. She then told me that I actually didn't need to provide a registered envelope, because postage was included in the cost. FMFL (Fuck My Fucking Life).
I've come to realise it's all pot luck within and between police stations. I've had friends who had no problems, and friends who had just as much drama as I. And it sucks because it's not like you can complain about the level of police customer service over something so insignificant in the grand scheme of things they have to worry about (i.e. actual crime).
Even with getting a medical certificate from the doctor, I've had friends who didn't have to undergo ANY tests whatsoever. My doctor insisted on giving me a blood test, which means another week of waiting for the results and picking them up.
Another friend of mine going to the same university managed to get all of her paperwork together last week and booked an appointment with the consulate. Her matriculation letter got rejected because it wasn't specific enough. Besides our name, the four of us girls going to La Rioja pretty much got issued the same one. So we've emailed our adviser asking her to tell the uni we need new ones. But alas, our adviser is sick and has not been replying.
All these little delays are keeping me from booking an appointment with the Spanish consulate who I have to show all this documentation to, who them selves take weeks to process VISAS. Did I mention it's holiday season soon = there's going to be a fuck load of other people getting their VISAs processed, and we're all going to slow each other the hell down! I honestly wouldn't be surprised if I don't end up leaving on time.
Thank God for my scholarship giving me one less thing to worry about (accommodation).
On top of all this I've got five assignments to hand in over the next 11 days :(
I can't wait till this is over and I can look back at this entry and laugh.
Love, Noeline
xox
[x] Buy a massive-ass suitcase
[x] Renew passport
[x] Travel insurance
[x] Plane ticket
[x] Get police fingerprint check
[ ] A (second) matriculation letter from my university in Spain saying I've been enrolled, my subjects, and the commencement/end dates of my course (the first copy from them didn't meet consulate standards!)
[ ] A bank statement proving I have enough funds to support myself
[ ] A medical certificate clearing my health
[ ] Book an appointment with the consulate to get my VISA
[ ] Exchange money into Euro
[ ] Apply for Centrelink
[ ] Pass Spanish 4 (no pass, no go)
Getting a police fingerprint check will either be one of the easiest, or hardest things in the world. With my luck, it was the latter. I went to one near uni after class, but they only do them on weekends. So I asked for the appropriate form, so I could fill it out during my 1 hour commute to my local police station.
When I got there, the attending constable had no idea what they were doing. They were making up information saying I was given the wrong form, and that my uni should have issued me the appropriate one. They then refused to give me the $175 police check the consulate specifically asked of us. They insisted on issuing me with a $52 background check, minus the fingerprints. Whenever I tried explaining my situation, they would talk over me saying that the $175 one is only for people applying for working visas and are going to be working with children. Since I had my credit card as part of my ID sitting on the counter, they went ahead and charged me $52. When I showed them documentation from the consulate that explicitly stated requiring the more expensive check, they refused to give me a refund - saying it would take 6 weeks (if that) for the cheque to arrive at my house. So they charged me the remaining amount on a different receipt with an incorrect product description (here's to hoping the uni will still rebate me my money). After leaving the police station I got a call back saying they wouldn't send my fingerprints for internal examination without a registered envelope, in case it got lost. So the next weekday I bought a registered envelope from the post office. I was advised that registered envelopes MUST be posted over the counter of a post office and NOT in a post box. So now I had the added burden of hoping that the policeman/woman whose hands my documents ended up in would be so kind enough as to take the time out of their busy schedule and line up in a post office to send my shit away. Upon arrival at my local police station, there was a different person attending the counter. I explained my situation, that I had already been there previously and was just dropping off an envelope to send my documents away. My fingerprints were there but my form was missing. Whereas the previous constable told me they kept no such forms on the premises, this one pulled out a whole stack from underneath the counter and got me to refill one. She then told me that I actually didn't need to provide a registered envelope, because postage was included in the cost. FMFL (Fuck My Fucking Life).
I've come to realise it's all pot luck within and between police stations. I've had friends who had no problems, and friends who had just as much drama as I. And it sucks because it's not like you can complain about the level of police customer service over something so insignificant in the grand scheme of things they have to worry about (i.e. actual crime).
Even with getting a medical certificate from the doctor, I've had friends who didn't have to undergo ANY tests whatsoever. My doctor insisted on giving me a blood test, which means another week of waiting for the results and picking them up.
Another friend of mine going to the same university managed to get all of her paperwork together last week and booked an appointment with the consulate. Her matriculation letter got rejected because it wasn't specific enough. Besides our name, the four of us girls going to La Rioja pretty much got issued the same one. So we've emailed our adviser asking her to tell the uni we need new ones. But alas, our adviser is sick and has not been replying.
All these little delays are keeping me from booking an appointment with the Spanish consulate who I have to show all this documentation to, who them selves take weeks to process VISAS. Did I mention it's holiday season soon = there's going to be a fuck load of other people getting their VISAs processed, and we're all going to slow each other the hell down! I honestly wouldn't be surprised if I don't end up leaving on time.
Thank God for my scholarship giving me one less thing to worry about (accommodation).
On top of all this I've got five assignments to hand in over the next 11 days :(
I can't wait till this is over and I can look back at this entry and laugh.
Love, Noeline
xox
Monday, 18 October 2010
If you use Cityrail, you'll know what I mean
So today I was on the train and a lad starts playing music over the loudspeaker of his phone at full blast.
This attracted another lad from the opposite end of the carriage to walk over and say "Oi, hectic song. You reckon you could bluetooth it to me bro?"
They hit it off and next thing you know they're trading songs by DMX and Akon. "You like Tupac bro? I got a couple Tupac songs too if you wan'em. Here let me play it."
FML
This attracted another lad from the opposite end of the carriage to walk over and say "Oi, hectic song. You reckon you could bluetooth it to me bro?"
They hit it off and next thing you know they're trading songs by DMX and Akon. "You like Tupac bro? I got a couple Tupac songs too if you wan'em. Here let me play it."
FML
Saturday, 16 October 2010
Hair Expectations
I'm so cool I spent my Saturday night googling hairstyles on the internet. But seriously, I've had the same haircut for so long it should be illegal. After an hour of getting nowhere it hit me.
I haven't been looking at haircuts - I've been rating celebrities.
"If I get my hair cut like this, I'm sure to look like Megan Fox. Or I could do that one and be Tyra Banks."
Am I the only one who finds myself doing this?
Hair magazines and hairstyle galleries in general are so misleading. It would be so much SOO much easier if they looked like this:
Love, Noeline
xox
I haven't been looking at haircuts - I've been rating celebrities.
"If I get my hair cut like this, I'm sure to look like Megan Fox. Or I could do that one and be Tyra Banks."
Am I the only one who finds myself doing this?
Hair magazines and hairstyle galleries in general are so misleading. It would be so much SOO much easier if they looked like this:
Love, Noeline
xox
Thursday, 14 October 2010
Happy Fat
Over the past 5 years I’ve managed to put on 5 kilos and go up 2 sizes. Every wardrobe cleanout brings with it the sad realisation that I will probably throw out yet another pair of jeans (or two, or three or four) that no longer fit.
Maybe it's because physical education isn’t compulsory in university.
Maybe it's because I stopped going to the gym.
Maybe it's my once fast metabolism is catching up with me.
Maybe it's because my body is preparing itself for motherhood: the good hip for having kids.
Or maaaaaaaybe it's because I've gotten a little too comfortable in my relationship with my boyfriend. It's like we breathe food. We eat so much we practically waddle out of restaurants.
Commonly known as happy fat, this blog will explore the latter possible cause. According to Urban Dictionary, “happy fat is the fat a person puts on during a happy relationship”.
So I asked a few of the kind folks on my Facebook whether or not they believed it existed. Here's what they said:
• If that was true, obese people would be the happiest people in the world. 'Relationship weight' is the term, and I read an article that it averages 7kgs.
• How do you spend time with you partner? You go out to eat, then you go out to eat some more. One year later you have happy fat. LOL I’m living proof.
• Yes, I reckon people just feel so comfortable that they sorta 'let go'? Psychologically they feel they don’t have to impress anyone.
• Depends on the person, generally I believe it is true. However, there are couples whom are both active and like to maintain their health and fitness... then there are those who do not.
• Yes. LOL. They get too comfortable with their partners so they kinda 'let go.'
• Yes, because you tend to always go out dining together and feed each other. LOL My friend has gained a bit of weight in her happy relationship, especially when you love one another so much you don't care about the physical appearance side nor worry about maintaining your figure.
• In a way I do think its true... they start to become a lot more comfortable with each other, their personalities are enough to keep them in the relationship so they kinda let loose.
It seems that happy fat comes with letting go. Of trying to look good. Of exercising. Of eating healthy (or at least less). We let go because someone loves us just the way we were, are and will be.
The sad part of it is that so much of courtship is centered around food – of meeting up for coffee, dining out, greasy late night snacks and morning-after breakfasts. Christina Fernando, author of How to Avoid Relationship Weight Gain explains that “food has become a ritualistic way for couples to bond.” Heck we celebrate anniversaries with food.
Furthermore, "a study conducted by Cornell University found that newlyweds gain more weight on average than single people or widowers or divorcees, usually within the first two years of getting married" (Lifescript).
If this keeps up, I wonder how people in the future will ask each other out. "Hey, I like you. Wanna go for a jog sometime?"
Love, Noeline
xox
Maybe it's because physical education isn’t compulsory in university.
Maybe it's because I stopped going to the gym.
Maybe it's my once fast metabolism is catching up with me.
Maybe it's because my body is preparing itself for motherhood: the good hip for having kids.
Or maaaaaaaybe it's because I've gotten a little too comfortable in my relationship with my boyfriend. It's like we breathe food. We eat so much we practically waddle out of restaurants.
Commonly known as happy fat, this blog will explore the latter possible cause. According to Urban Dictionary, “happy fat is the fat a person puts on during a happy relationship”.
So I asked a few of the kind folks on my Facebook whether or not they believed it existed. Here's what they said:
• If that was true, obese people would be the happiest people in the world. 'Relationship weight' is the term, and I read an article that it averages 7kgs.
• How do you spend time with you partner? You go out to eat, then you go out to eat some more. One year later you have happy fat. LOL I’m living proof.
• Yes, I reckon people just feel so comfortable that they sorta 'let go'? Psychologically they feel they don’t have to impress anyone.
• Depends on the person, generally I believe it is true. However, there are couples whom are both active and like to maintain their health and fitness... then there are those who do not.
• Yes. LOL. They get too comfortable with their partners so they kinda 'let go.'
• Yes, because you tend to always go out dining together and feed each other. LOL My friend has gained a bit of weight in her happy relationship, especially when you love one another so much you don't care about the physical appearance side nor worry about maintaining your figure.
• In a way I do think its true... they start to become a lot more comfortable with each other, their personalities are enough to keep them in the relationship so they kinda let loose.
It seems that happy fat comes with letting go. Of trying to look good. Of exercising. Of eating healthy (or at least less). We let go because someone loves us just the way we were, are and will be.
The sad part of it is that so much of courtship is centered around food – of meeting up for coffee, dining out, greasy late night snacks and morning-after breakfasts. Christina Fernando, author of How to Avoid Relationship Weight Gain explains that “food has become a ritualistic way for couples to bond.” Heck we celebrate anniversaries with food.
Furthermore, "a study conducted by Cornell University found that newlyweds gain more weight on average than single people or widowers or divorcees, usually within the first two years of getting married" (Lifescript).
If this keeps up, I wonder how people in the future will ask each other out. "Hey, I like you. Wanna go for a jog sometime?"
Love, Noeline
xox
Does my bum look big in this?
Friday, 8 October 2010
Overheard
You can't say naughty words, but you can say the word 'naughty' - that one's okay. And you can think about naughty things too but just don't say them out loud. And if you say them you have to make sure the police don't catch you.
- Little boy to his dad on the train
Love, Noeline
xox
Wednesday, 29 September 2010
Never Say No To Panda
I absolutely LOVELOVELOVE these ads for Egyptian Panda Cheese. Gets me every time.
Love, Noeline
xox
Love, Noeline
xox
Monday, 27 September 2010
It's got to be perfect
My boyfriend and I were out driving one night. Funnily enough, he was the one to point out how nice our view of the city was. But all it did was make me feel uncomfortable and uneasy. What a waste of all that electricity. Do all those people really need the light on? I felt a compulsion to head on over there and start switching everyone’s light off."You’re weird! I wish you never told me that about you," joked my boyfriend. At least I hope he was joking.
Unperturbed, I continued to tell him about all the other things that make me feel anxious. Like the sound of running tap water, especially when it’s surging. I’m one of those people who use the minimum amount of water pressure needed to get the job done. I understand if you’re trying to put out a fire, but do you really need that much water pressure to wash your hands, to do the dishes, to take a shower? It drives me crazy! So naturally I’m the Good Samaritan of public bathrooms who switches running taps off. I curse the bitches who leave them on! Water fountains I’m okay with because I know (or assume) that the water is being recycled.
And it’s weird because I don’t consider myself a big environmentalist.
Also, the books on my bookshelf all have to be facing the same way, and categorised first by genre then by height. All my clothes hangers have to face the same way - so that from the front the hooks form a "C" shape. The clothes in my wardrobe are sorted by season (summer or winter), then by style (jeans, dresses, business, etc), then by colour. When cleaning the pantry, everything is sorted into groups (dried fruit, sauces, asian ingredients, western ingredients, etc) with all labels facing the front and in height order to make for easy navigation. The cards in my wallet are sorted from the most to the least used. The end of the toilet paper roll has must come from the top, not the bottom.
By now you probably think I’m crazy and I hope this doesn’t stop you from reading my blog ever again. But my personal idiosyncrasies got me thinking about a condition called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, commonly known as OCD.
According to Anxiety Australia, people who suffer from OCD are "characterised by recurrent obsessions or compulsions that are time consuming or cause significant distress or impairment.
"Obsessions are persistent ideas, thoughts, images or impulses which are experienced by the sufferer as anxiety provoking or distressing…
"Compulsions are observable, or covert, repetitive behaviours or mental acts which are performed to prevent or reduce the anxiety and distress of obsessions."
The National Institute of Mental Health provides the following examples:
"If people are obsessed with germs or dirt, they may develop a compulsion to wash their hands over and over again. If they develop an obsession with intruders, they may lock and relock their doors many times before going to bed… Other common rituals are a need to repeatedly check things, touch things (especially in a particular sequence), or count things. People with OCD may also be preoccupied with order and symmetry, have difficulty throwing things out (so they accumulate), or hoard unneeded items."Now I’m not diagnosing myself with OCD. In fact, only 2-3% of Australians genuinely suffer from it (Reach Out) and require medication and/or therapy. But it definitely got me curious about the kinds of things other people are meticulous about.
Here’s some of the responses I received:
• I have problems with things being clean, especially near my bed/sleeping time. Like I shower right before bed, put on moisturiser (UNSCENTED because scented would be too dirty), wash my hands and feet again, then tiptoe back to my bedroom so my feet touch minimum amount of floor.
I can't eat too much orange food because it would dirty my insides. Doritos are an absolute hazard. (But I still love them. Torture!)
I shower morning and evening. If I wear clothes out of the house, they can't be worn around the house again or touch my bed, and if they do, I'll probably wash my sheets again just to be sure.
My fingernails and surrounding skin must be smooth when I touch them to my lips (being the most sensitive skin to test the smoothness of my nails), and if they aren't, I will literally clip them for up to an hour until they are.
Aaaaaaaaaand, I can only moisturise the back of my hands because on the palms the stuff would seep in and attack my insides, and no foundation on my face except in emergency situations (concealer around the eye skin is ok) because if anything touches my cheeks, it will also seep into my insides.
Also things must be symmetrical and lined up if I’m tired or stressed. And if I breathe and I believe my breath has come into the right side of my body more than the left, I have to sort of even it out by breathing in a left sort of way.
• I went to one of my best friend’s houses to have dinner. Afterward I tried to help her do chores so I decided to wash the dishes - the entire time I was washing them her face scrunched up and when I was done she washed them herself all over again, and then put them in the dishwasher. OCD!
• The guy I went to South America with was super anal about our itinerary. He actually made an excel spreadsheet of his entire 8 month trip in advance, detailing where he will be on each single day of the 8 months. He even colour coded it according to location and transportation methods! Talk about CRAZY.
• My best friend, she doesn't like people sitting on her bed. She thinks that germs from the outside are going to spread on her bed that way. She will get really edgy especially if you were on a bus, train or taxi prior to sitting on her bed.
She also doesn't like it when people touch her, especially on the face or hair = germs = excess oils and pimples.
She also doesn’t like sharing food or people touching food with their bare hands. Even if its her favourite food in the world, if its been touched by somebody else she will not go near it.
She likes to wear flip-flops in the shower when it’s somewhere other than her own home, and when sleeping at a hotel she will bring her own bedspreads or sleeping bag LOL.
When eating a restaurant she will ask for a cup of warm water or hot tea, just to dip her utensils in and clean them herself.
She takes a shower every time she comes home from somewhere, even if it means she’s heading out again later that day. That’s OCD I tell ya! But I love her lol.
• I don’t like people touching things in my room. If they don’t put things back at the right angle I get pissed off.
• Locking my car door. Locking my house door. Actually locking all doors... omg I've just come to the realisation that I'm OCD with any doors that must be locked what so ever.
• Having to have the door and wardrobe doors closed before I go to sleep.
What are the rest of you meticulous about?
Love, Noeline
xox
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