A thing for chandeliers

Love, Noeline
xox

Protection. Part I

Prior to getting married, a pre-nuptial agreement (also known as a pre-nup) is a contract that sets out the conditions of divorce - such as property settlement, child custody and/or financial division.

According to MyDivorce.com.au, Australians have begun to marry less and divorce more. If this is reality then why are prenuptial agreements still so taboo?

First of all, there’s the stigma that pre-nups undermine the sanctity of marriage, especially since you promised God to stay with that person for richer, for poorer... till death do us part. But at the same time I don’t think God condones unhappy, destructive marriages either.

Why do airlines make us sit through safety demonstrations? Why do we get told to back up our computer files? Why do we get vaccinated before traveling overseas? Why do we put on sunscreen? Why do we wear seat belts? Why do we swim between the flags? Just in case.

It doesn’t mean we know the plane will crash. It doesn’t mean we think the computer will crash either. It doesn’t mean we’re definitely going to catch a disease. It doesn’t mean we’re definitely going to get skin cancer. It doesn’t mean we’re hoping to get into a car accident. It doesn’t mean everyone drowns. But just in case.

I’m not saying that people should use pre-nuptial agreements to traipse in and out of marriages as they please. I still think it should be a last resort.

But it would be naïve to think that selfishness, revenge and/or greed never get the better of people - leaving others with next to nothing.

"If you have your own business or professional practice, a premarital agreement can protect that interest so that the business or practice is not divided and subject to the control or involvement of your former spouse upon divorce.

"If one spouse has significantly more debt than the other, a premarital agreement can protect the debt-free spouse from having to assume the obligations of the other.

"If you plan to give up a lucrative career after the marriage, a premarital agreement can ensure that you will be compensated for that sacrifice if the marriage does not last" (FindLaw).

Like condoms, pre-nups might be unromantic and ruin the mood. But in the grand scheme of things romance is only part of what it means to live. And to use romance as the basis for financial dealings like the joint ownership of such big assets like property and bank accounts doesn’t seem like a wise thing to do.

"In the "honeymoon" stage of a relationship, one spouse may agree to terms that are not in his or her best interests because he or she is "too in love" to be concerned about the financial aspects and can't imagine the union coming to an untimely end" (FindLaw).

Some kind folks offered me their opinions on Facebook. Here they are:

- I think it’s up to the couple. As for a Catholic myself, divorce is not acceptable. If you marry someone you should know that you want to be with that person for life. So I guess in my case a pre-nup wouldn’t be needed.

- Pre-nups right if you're filthy rich, unfaithful and/or untrustworthy!

- Pre-nups exist for practicality's sake, we want to protect our assets post marriage. Nevertheless, it takes out the romance out of a wedding and makes a business dealing out of it - so I believe that it is wrong in that sense. Marrying someone is a risk you have to take - if you love someone, then you would be willing to give your all, right? After marriage - when you don't love each other anymore, then that is when you do the awful dealings.

- Yes, pre-nups are a must! Especially if you’re marrying a loser, more especially if he has any dosh!

- Pre-nups carry a negative connotation. It looks like a prick husband ripping the wife off or a pre-jynx that it'll end up in divorce.

What do you think?

Love, Noeline
xox

Shapes

Arnott's Shapes prides itself on it's slogan: 'Flavour you can see'.


But as the years go by it seems they're getting stingier and stingier on the flavour.

I remember being in primary school and having a packet of these for lunch. The best part wasn't really the biscuit itself - but the seasoning left over at the end. I miss those days.

Love, Noeline
xox

Sleep Paralysis

The first time it happened I was a little girl of about seven years. I woke up in the middle of the night unable to move, unable to breathe. “So this is what it feels like to die,” I thought. Come on, breathe. Just when I thought my lungs had given up due to lack of oxygen, I found myself violently gasping for air.

The second time it happened, I was twenty. I woke up to the feeling of someone pushing down on me, holding me down towards the bed. Fuck off. Get the fuck off me. I couldn’t move. I said, fuck off. Let go. Eventually, whatever it was, did. And my body jolted into freedom.

Under European and African folklore, an "old hag" was sitting on me. According to Asian culture, a ghost was pressing down on my body. The Hmong people call this ghost the "crushing demon" – and people have often attributed it with a childlike figure sitting on their chest. Muslims associate sleep paralysis with evil jinns brought on through the curses of enemies – requiring exorcisms. Today, they are often taken for alleged alien abductions. I like to think of myself as non-superstitious, and luckily there is a logical explanation.

There are five sleep stages. The last of these is called REM (Rapid Eye Movement). As a natural part of REM, the body goes into a state of muscle paralysis. Sleep paralysis occurs when people wake up during REM – fully conscious but unable to move.

Like dreams and nightmares, they can be accompanied by hallucinations. These are known as night terrors. As you saw earlier, these lead to different cultures producing their own folktales.

Possible (physiological) causes include sleeping on your back, sleep deprivation, irregular sleeping patterns, stress, and excessive alcohol consumption.

They say most people will suffer from sleep paralysis at least once or twice in their lifetimes. Let’s hope I’ve paid my sleep paralysis dues.

The Nightmare, by Henry Fuseli (1781)

Love, Noeline
xox

I Am Thankful

FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED.

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

- Unknown

Lessons from Life by Regina Brett

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch!
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

Now I ain’t sayin’ she’s a Gold Digger, but she ain’t messin’ with no broke, broke

It’s Friday. Tonight, there will be hundreds of first, second and third dates taking place around the country. And the question on everyone’s lips isn’t about what to wear or who should make the first move – but who should pay.

And it’s not just singletons with this problem. What about friends just catching up over a meal? Or people already in a committed relationship?

Half a century ago this would have sounded like a silly question, but it seems the issue is more relevant now than ever.

Here’s what some of my fellow Facebookers had to say:


Their responses suggest that friends and partners operate on a sharing system by taking turns or "going Dutch" – whereby each person pays their own way.

But why is there so much pressure on guys footing the bill? "Consider that chivalry started at a time when men worked and women didn’t. Women, literally, could NOT pay… men picking up the check sprung out of necessity, not out of kindness… [and] it has since been codified into a gentleman’s code," writes Evan Marc Katz on the Corporate Singles website.

And even though 57% of women will offer to pay, 34% are bothered if he accepts (Daily Mail).

With that said however, “nearly 9 in 10 of… wouldn’t go for the most expensive item on the menu” (Jasmin Aline Persch). This is because some women feel obligated to give sexual favours, especially in return for expensive dinners. One woman quoted in ‘The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Dating’ confesses:

“I hate to say it, but if he just paid $200 for a meal, and he wants to make moves and have sex, I feel a funny obligation, that’s why I feel much better if I pay my way.”

And the remaining 1 in 10? I guess they’re what you’d call dinner whores. "Basically, a dinner whore is a woman who accepts lavish and expensive dinner dates without ever entertaining the notion of having any sort of physical or intimate relationship with the man" (Advice Diva).

It appears that even though times have changed, tradition prevails. Statistics show that 75% of men feel guilty letting the woman pay – regardless of how much she makes (Jasmin Aline Persch).

So putting all these things together, if most men pay for dinner out of guilt for not being traditional, and if some women "put out" because they feel obligated, I wonder how many dates lead to unintended sex?

Love, Noeline
xox

Are you going to Kate’s?

Missed out on Corey Delaney’s big bash? Redeem your social status by attending – or should I say, gatecrashing Kate Miller’s birthday party.

Privacy settings for the Facebook event were ‘accidentally’ left public instead of private, enabling guests to bring friends to Kate’s small Adelaide apartment.

At the time of writing this entry, there were 75, 014 attendees.

The brainchild of online prankster David Thorne, Kate’s birthday party is a political stunt against Facebook’s privacy settings.

He linked his twitter followers with the event and told them to “hit attend… and give the host an aneurysm.”

“While the entire birthday party event was a hoax, it illustrates the risks posed by failing to double-check privacy settings on Facebook,” he says.

Like one big inside joke between Facebook users, there are over 500 Facebook pages such as ‘A380 to get to Kate's Party,’ ‘I can't decide what to wear to Kate's party,’ ‘But Mum EVERYONE Is Going To Kate's Party,’ ‘Getting naked and holding glow sticks at Kate's party’ and ‘Which Turban should I wear to Kate's party?’

The Kate’s Party National Tour is inviting people party for real in their state’s capital city. They are also selling ‘I went to Kate’s party’ t-shirts for those who don’t know what to wear.

Here’s to David Thorne - viral genius.

Love, Noeline
xox

There in person, not in spirit.

Last week I went to a concert. The girl in front of me spent the best part of the show with her head down to her digital camera, zooming in and out of numerous luvos taken before she left home.

It reminded me of the time a bunch of friends and I went out, and instead of hanging out with the rest of us, a couple spent most of the time logging into Facebook every five minutes, looking at pictures of people they barely even knew. The funny thing is they actually updated their status about how much ‘fun’ they were having. Righto...

Which makes me wonder, when people change their status to express how they’re having the time of their lives at this or that festival, this or that party, this or that dinner – are they really just ignoring their friends to update their acquaintances?

Like when people have a photo album dedicated to the attendance of a particular concert, and all there is are 187 luvos taken before the actual thing.

And what about people with albums titled this or that birthday party and all they have to show for it are 981 photos that all look the same – photos of themselves and a few others in front of a drive way when the real party was going on inside.

Or when people pay hundreds of dollars in tickets and new outfits to go to this or that music festival – and all that’s dished up is 28789473487 pictures spread across numerous albums – pictures taken away from the stage, away from the music they supposedly love.

“The perfect example is people who take millions of travel photos and you wonder whether they saw anything or just took pictures” – Marie Claire magazine

There’s a mentality that pictures and status updates somehow quantify experiences into something greater than the sum of its parts; and that this is further substantiated by the number of comments it can attract.

Without something tangible to publish in the online world, how many people know I went out to dinner with my old work mates, that afterwards we had ice cream and girly chats over a harbour view? How many people know I went out with my new work mates, that we had a barbeque and went bush walking afterwards? You wont know about it through Facebook, but I sure had fun.

There’s a certain point where technology stops recording precious moments and replaces them instead. A lot of people are guilty of it. The rest are enjoying them selves way too much to prove it to the rest of the world through self-documentation.

Love, Noeline
xox

Photo by Aileen Apostol

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. / Find out what it means to me

Fair enough. When you're 12 or 13 it's cool to hate your family. To think they're only there to make your life a living hell. That way, without knowing it, we became the perfect target market for bands like Simple Plan, Linkin Park and Blink 182.

But now we're in our 20's. And I find it sad when people my age are still bragging about the massive fight they just had with their mother, taking care not to leave out any of the swear words hurled at her. Bragging about how they haven't been home in weeks because they'd rather go out partying with their friends.

I'm talking about the ones who are proud about being disrespectful for no apparent reason.

To me, how a man treats his immediate family now is a reflection of how he'd treat me and our family if we ever ended up married.

Love, Noeline
xox