Border Security

If only customs and quarantine services went as far as ensuring his heart wasn't carrying any extra baggage. Such a service would bring Hitch down to his knees.

Imagine sniffer dogs that could distinguish people genuinely seeking new relationships to the bastards desperate for rebounds. Imagine x-rays that could detect the true intentions of the heart.

There'd be a lot less broken hearts and one rich bitch – that being me.

I read somewhere that a relationship ends similarly to its beginning. Start off on the wrong foot, and (even if you managed reaching the yoga position of head over heels) you'll leave the relationship with the same two left feet. Your heart and mind just as clumsy.

Maybe when Whitney Houston said that she wanted to 'dance with somebody', she was singing for the people who had yet to feel the pain of someone stepping all over their feet, or in this case - walking all over their heart. And when she said she wanted to 'feel the heat with somebody', didn't realise that this very heat would later cause loyal fans to 'let it burn' with Usher.

I'm saying that maybe (just maybe, if it's not too much trouble!) people should consider their feelings before committing themselves to someone, before giving false reassurances. It all goes back to the ancient lesson of prevention being better than cure.

Just because she's from your past doesn't mean that your heart feels the same way… after all, hearts don't beat at the same rate that clocks tick.

On a completely unrelated topic... It's amazing how a song, a beat, a line, can bring you back to a single moment in time. This song is doing just that for me right now. It's moving on at its finest.

I'M NOT MISSING YOU - STACIE ORRICO

Been through just about everything that I could go through
When it comes to relationships
Don't know what I was missing or why I ain't listen
When I told myself that was it
Now here I go, hurt again
Cause of my curiousity
Now that it's over
What else could it be he just had to cheat

I made a promise never to settle
Why didn't I keep it?
Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around

I'm not missing you
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me
I'm not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because
I got life to do
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone
But this time it's different
I don't even feel the distance
I'm not missing
I'm not missing you

It's a shame in a way cause
I feel that I may not ever find the right one for me
Did I leave him, is he right in front of my face
Will my true love ever be?
Why would I go on a search again
When I know what the end will be
What good is love when it keeps on hurting me?

No I can't be with you
Cause I'm scared

Felt like I was falling when you left me
I can't keep going through life
Unaware of what I missed
And the person I could be
Love's good when it's right
And when it's left in your memory
All the times I let you down
I guess love will be nice for someone else's life

Perfect 9

Those who know me are aware that I'm just not a movie person. I have a weak attention span; and no Jackie-Chan combat move or Matrix back flip can change that. My eyes may be fixed on the screen - my mind is anywhere but. Although, when guy meets girl, mate, I'm there!

I just finished watching 'The Perfect Man' starring Hilary Duff, who plays a teenage girl called Holly. Thankyou to my boyfriend (ironically, a movie buff) for stating the obvious – she blogs, just like me. On top of that, she lives with her single mum. So maybe I'm biased in saying that it's an alright movie, because I have things in common with the main character.

Nonetheless, it has inspired me to write a combo of an entry; while I listen to Westlife The Greatest Hits. But if I let you go… I will never know… what my life would be… holding you close to me… What is the perfect man to me? How does coming from a divorced family make me different from the nuclear kids?

I think the perfect man is someone who hurts you, and genuinely says sorry. I think the perfect man makes you happy without even trying, but by being himself. I think the perfect man is someone who sees every imperfection, yet finds you nothing short of beautiful. I think the perfect man is someone you can cry, fart and burp in front of, in whose company you can scratch your boob, pick a wedgie and gorge yourself with food. I think the perfect man is someone who appreciates and respects you. I think the perfect man not only listens, but actually remembers what you said. I think the perfect man is someone you can grow old and wrinkly with, so only time will tell.

Next on the list: Divorce.

Divorce is one of those things; it's either overrated or underrated, never understood except by those who belong to a divorced family themselves. Everyone else is either sympathetic or ignorant.

I live with my single mum and two brothers. My father visits from time to time, residing with his new partner and kids. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

So… a few of my dreams may have been broken. No longer can I break the news to my parents at the same time during a family dinner, because now it's done one at a time. Mum, I got an A for my assignment! Mum, I have a new boyfriend! Mum, we broke up! And by the time I get to my father, I'm either over it, forgotten about it or a lot less excited. No longer is the table set for five. No longer do I hear my father's heavy footsteps every night as he comes home from work, because my home is not necessarily his.

… And I wouldn't have it any other way. Even though divorce is sometimes the best thing to do in a situation, it still carries a negative stigma to it.

Some people see divorce as something evil that only happens to bad people. They're scared of people associated with such a family. It's not just the 'immature' adolescents guilty of an act, the 'wise' old adults are getting in on it, too. I've met the parents of some friends, disgusted to discover that their daughter is friends with someone who has divorced parents. I might as well have said that I smoked pot and was a member of Sex Addicts Anonymous. Suddenly I had the words 'bad influence' written all over me.

Unfortunately, that's life. Shit happens, and that doesn't exclude the publics' perception of divorce, because that's shitted too. I'm writing this to set some things straight. When we say 'my parents are divorced' we don't expect a shower of 'Oh my God! Are you okay? I feel so sorry for you'. We don't want any ones pity, we just want to be treated the same. In the same way that your grandmother died, our parent's marriage died. Your grandmother died not because she was a bad person, and my parents didn't divorce because they were bad, irresponsible people.

Bad things just happen to good people.

Nuclear families are always more appealing. But I'm more than grateful for the lessons I've learnt from a divorced one. It's made me stronger than I would have otherwise been. It's brought my mum and I closer than ever. It might not be anything like yours, but I'm proud of my family thankyouverymuch.

SUCCESSFUL sally SELFISHLY sold seashells by the seashore

I went out with a guy who wasn't allowed to have a girlfriend. Part of my lifestyle back then was keeping it on the down-low; like not calling him on the house phone in case his parents picked up.

I went out with a guy who was allowed to have girlfriends, but didn't make it priority to keep the family up to date with his love affairs. So the lifestyle of our relationship was relatively laid back.

I went out with a guy who wasn't allowed out on the weekends. So a lot of our relationship took place walking me home after school.

I went out with a couple of guys who were out of school. So the lifestyle of our relationship was complicated – revolving around my school schedule, his uni/tafe calendar, and BOTH our work schedules.

I am currently going out with a guy who's still in school and allowed to have a girlfriend. So part of our relationship lifestyle is based around our schooling, my working hours and his extra curricular activities.

REAL boyfriends are more than just a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on, nor are they solely for hugs and kisses. Whether your relationship is out in the open, or your best kept secret - they're a LIFESTYLE.

But as you can see, never did my life revolve around the boyfriend. A mistake, which I see a lot of people make.

There's the boy who stops smoking, drinking, partying not for himself, his parents, his health, or his well being – but for some stupid reason like THE GIRLFRIEND. Mate, YOU are the weakest (and indeed the most air-headed) link. For starters, in the eyes of your friends she becomes the protagonist of your social life. On top of being labeled as being Pussy-Whipped, you're suddenly the Kill-Joy of having a good old smoke, getting pissed, or drooling over the hot chick who works at Boost. Acts of which have been bonding the typical Australian male species for hundreds of years – a tradition suddenly betrayed because of some chick. What more if you break up? Will you start smoking again? Drinking again? Partying again? Then, don't even bother. Remember growing up and being told to do things yourself because 'you're a big boy now'? Well, do it yourself… FOR YOURSELF.

Here's a controversial once. The couples who plan their futures together. A future which eventually, they literally live for.

What to name OUR kids. What kind of house WE'LL have. What kind of car WE'LL drive.

Personally, I'm not one to negotiate my distant future with boyfriends – because in the course of a break up, I don't want to experience the pain of losing something I never had: a particular house I'll never own, nor be able to share with someone else; the names of kids that were never born, names that I'll never be able to use again; a kind of car that will never drive a newborn child into the driveway of my dream home. Call me naïve. Call me chicken, afraid of that kind of commitment. But I call it 'Being Realistic'. I live for my aspirations alone; that hopefully I'll be able to share with someone eventually...

Eventually: after school...
Eventually: after finding a stable job...
Eventually: after realisation that the only thing missing in my life is someone to share it with...
Eventually: after something tells me he's worth it...
Eventually: after something tells me I love him...

I'd describe my lifestyle as somewhat freestyle. Free to be myself. To be Noeline, not just someone's girlfriend. Free to my own future desires, and change them as I see fit. Free of living for someone else's dreams, the reason that it all works out or the reason that it all falls apart.

LIFE is a big word, understood only by Big Boys and Big Girls. A successful life comes from independently achieving selfish goals, and sharing your success with someone special.

Not convinced? Then for my sake I hope you're a stout Michael Jordan fan.

"To be successful you have to be selfish, or else you never achieve. And once you get to your highest level, then you have to be unselfish" - Michael Jordan

Multi-purpose Revenge

My boyfriend gave me an apple.

My boyfriend gave me a pear.

My boyfriend gave me a kiss on the lips and threw me down the stairs.

I gave him back his apple.

I gave him back his pear.

I gave him back his kiss on the lips and threw him down the stairs.

I threw him over London.

I threw him over France.

I threw him over the Harbour Bridge and he lost his underpants.

Even from a young age, us girls were taught that revenge is not only sweet, but if done the right way- can also be funny. Every time we hand clapped to this mantra, we further instilled certain values within us. Like, if you don't have the time to wait for the coming of what goes around, take karma into your own hands and throw him off bridges, fences, cliffs... etc (sorry Mariah, but merely shaking it off doesn't feel as satisfying). Some girls seem to have forgotten about this ingeniously hidden lesson somewhere between her first kiss and her worst break-up, and I'm probably guilty of singing this song one too many times.

You can curse and you can slap, but the newest craze to hit Hollywood is to play it cool, calm and collected. We're hearing less stories about messy break-ups. To compensate for this, celebrity magazines are resorting to dedicating four page articles on what the stars are having for breakfast every second issue. Take for instance Spears and Timberlake, Cruise and Kidman, Aniston and Pitt. For the first time in a long time, we're hearing less about the nitty gritty reasons for their separation: The bathroom smelt like the city dump whenever he came out; she made this disturbing face whenever she climaxed; and the pathetic list goes on.

Sure, you may have vowed never to be with them ever again, but a little bit of 'this smile no longer smiles for you' feels EUPHORIC - especially when it's true.

Shooting him death stares and looking upset will only make him feel all the more relieved about the break up. Because he's thinking: Thank God I don't have to put up with her crying, her complaining and her mood swings anymore. You're only fooling yourself for thinking he'll feel remorseful and ask for reconciliation. Then, he'll mistake this facade as being the 'real you'.

Call me naive, but I'm sickened by the whole speech about how he's the one, how you'll never find someone like him, how you can't live without him.. yarda yarda yarda. At least at this age.

We're on the verge of hitting the late teens or early tweens, and let's face it: we're horny little devils who can't get enough of each other. I don't think anyone gives up on love for the rest of their life. We're not capable of making such decisions.

So put into practice your beautiful soul and repeat the above mantra if you must.
Give him a taste of what he's been missing.

If life is about that half empty/half full glass that everyone is raving on about, I think that people who die happy are those with their glasses full... and the only time that love accounted for the whole glass was in the late 16th century (Romeo & Juliet). So I'm afraid that we've just missed out.

A dollup of love, motivation and respect for yourself. A generous serving of family and friends. A hint of career. Just enough travel to add a bit of flavour. GET COOKING! Envisage boys as the cherry on top, because a cherry by itself?...

BITCH PLEASE, you're just selling yourself short.

Why we're all sluts

Think of someone you love. Now, think of someone you hate. Finally, think of someone you love to hate, or hate to love. Stuck? Consider yourself lucky.

It's amazing beyond comprehension, how at one moment you're CRAZY over him. You were literally on the cusp of surrendering yourself to him completely.
And the next minute, the butterflies die - exterminated by the fire of resentment, fuelled by memories of him.

The same guy.

I'm talking about ex-boyfriends, the boy who used to like you, or the boy you used to like.

I'm not complaining, but rather, sharing a learned lesson. I realised that with boys like this, you only have two options. You're either his girlfriend, or you're nothing. There is no happy medium.

It still intrigues me, how he was able to 'like' you enough to eventually 'love' you as a girlfriend. Though seemingly not enough to keep in contact after a break up. I'm guessing there was a fork in the road.

I recommend that we all listen a little more closely to Robbie Williams. Sure, he may look a little gay, and his video clips might be a tad obscure, but if anything, this man does does have a point.
"Before I fall in love, I'm preparing to leave her"

Since realising this, I go into every relationship 'hoping for the best, and expecting the worst'. Face it. He might not like me anymore a month from now. He might not love me anymore by next week... And it's all okay because he's only human.

It's the same with friends. Those yellow overals (you're probably thinking 'what the?' but hang in there, there is a connection!) probably don't fit as nicely as they did when you were six years old. In the same way that we grow out of our clothes, people grow out of people.

Nick Carter and Nicole Richie will agree that there's a little but of Paris Hilton in each and every one of us. WE'RE ALL SLUTS (boys, that includes you)! Maybe not sexually, but mentally and emotionally - which is even worse. No one reading this can honestly say they've kept in contact with every friend since pre-school, or every boy they've ever crushed on.

Ahh the love, ahh the hate. Anyone who thinks life isn't an extreme sport needs to get out more.

Wheels on the bus

Sitting on the bus with my ears plugged into my i-pod and my head in the clouds, here's some of the random thoughts that resulted.

Yesterday, I had the George bus driver again. Being in this mans presence makes me think that the bus could run on his spirit alone. Forget petrol, his antics are priceless. He gave us a brief history of George's River, how it was named after him. He then started talking about who the real heroes of the Beconsfield Mine were. That it wasn't the two men trapped underground, but rather the people who toiled for weeks in getting them out. I got off the bus with a free time table.

Being one of the last stops on the way to school, I end up sitting RIGHT at the front. I mean, just near the door, or directly behind the bus driver. YES, the loser seats. Generally speaking, it got me wondering if the cool people on the back seat still be cool two years from now? Melting the hearts of women in the workplace, or turning as many heads? Will sitting at the front make me rich and successful? Probably not, but most likely if life was a movie. Dropping my books would mean the man of my dreams would help me pick them up, accidently touch my hand and shoot me a winning smile.

Most people hate school, and count the hours till home time. But as the bus is drained of pupils eager to watch tv, log on to the internet or chat on the phone - try picking the face that dreads this moment. It's naive to assume that everyone comes from a good home.

There's nothing friendlier than the smile of a stranger.
There's nothing more genuine than the laugh of a child.
There's nothing more sexy than a girl who can think for herself.
There's nothing more human than a man who cries.
There's nothing braver than falling in love.

On the off note, HAPPY 6 MONTHS to me and my BOYFRIEND. This time six months ago, he was at my house. Six months later, here I am blogging, anticipating the tomorrow that we shall see each other. We've had our lefts and rights (because it sounds so much more original than 'ups and downs'), but they've only added to the awe of why, through it all, we're still together.

Thanks to Frances, the Karaoke Queen, my attention was brought to this sweet sweet song. DUDE, it's SWEET.

Jim Croce - Time In A Bottle

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that Id like to do
Is to save every day
Till eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
Ive looked around enough to know
That youre the one I want to go
Through time with

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you

Case of the ex

The past few weeks have been jam-packed with the break ups, heartbreaks and midunderstandings of friends with their man (or maybe boy is a better word, seeing as though they're only sixteen).

Juliet broke up with Romeo after being crazy in love with each other for over a year. Jack doesn't know how to react when Jill is upset, maybe beause he's never had a girlfriend before. John Smith told Pocahontas that he likes her. Pocahontas likes him too, but hasn't told him yet.

But today's focus is how Aladdin's ex girlfriend keeps calling, and Jasmine's uneasyness about it. Jasmine's friend Cinderella knows just how she feels because she went through the same thing.
* Names have been changed.

So... catching up with the ex. Right or Wrong?

74% of Sydney (according to the poll results of the Kyle and Jackie-O breakfast show) say WRONG.

One caller stopped their partner from talking to his ex's because conversations inevitably lead to a trip down memory lane. One person ended up asking for some 'graveyard sex' (intercourse with an ex when the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship died some time ago). Someone ends up mentioning old times, which turns into hours of reminising, which then results into someone realising that breaking up was a huge mistake and wishes they were a couple again.

Personally, I think it depends.
Talking about the past you shared...
The future you could have had together...
All while one or both of you have supposedly 'moved on' to new partners... WRONG AND A HALF!

I think that if both people are single than that's okay, because there's no involving innocent people.

How would you like it if we started calling our ex boyfriends. Telling him about how we miss HIS kisses. What HIS kids with us would have turned out like. How we miss what we had with HIM. How we still think about HIM a little more than we should.

Talking about the past when trying to move on with your ex is like talking about the time you stuck a glue stick up your ass to impress a girl. It just doesn't work. Actually, you're heading in the opposite direction of your desired destination.

I have a respect for ex partners who stay in touch AND get on with their lives. It shows their maturity to accept that things happen, that things don't always work out and that because of this - they move on. They don't need the title of boyfriend and girlfriend to keep a relationship. In a weird sense, they've moved to a somewhat higher level of intimacy beyond the lovey-dovey relationship because they've been there and done that; and don't abuse the fact that they lived to tell the tale.

I think that it's a matter of being honest with your feelings and responsible for your actions.

CASE CLOSED.

Ouch

They say that losing a loved one is what hurts the most. But knowing that they're gone because they CHOSE to be, that they're alive and healthy and HAPPIER with someone else, THAT's what hurts the most - MEDIUM

God won't ask

1. God won't ask what kind of car you drove; He'll ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation.

2. God won't ask the square footage of your house, He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

3. God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet, He'll ask how many you helped clothe.

4. God won't ask what your highest salary was; He'll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.

5. God won't ask what your job title was; He'll ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability.

6. God won't ask how many friends you had; He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.

7. God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived, He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.

8. God won't ask about the color of your skin, He'll ask about the content of your character.

9. God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation; He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of Hell.

10. God won't have to ask how many people you forwarded this to; He already knows whether or not you are ashamed to share this information to whom you love.

Wake me up when September starts

I hate winter. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.
I hate thinking it's almost time to go to sleep for longer than necessary because it looks like midnight at 6pm.
I hate how the wind makes dirt travel to places it was never made to venture: your eyes, your food, your clothes.
I hate how its the season of stating the obvious. Like, saying its cold to the person with their arms folded, shivering uncontrolably, sneezing copiously and struggling through their scarf to say: I know.
I hate how it turns people into gluttonous sinners, stuffing ourselves with food to replace the energy used to stop ourselves from freezing to death.

Before I skiddadle remember that laziness, like winter - is bad. So, here's an apple picking tip for the boys.