What are butterflies in your stomach?

The first time it happened I was young, and all he had to do was put his arm around my waist. I felt dizzy in my stomach, but a nice kind of dizzy. Until then I never really knew what it meant to have butterflies in your stomach.

To this day, I still don’t know how to describe it with justice. It feels like melting. It’s like a feelings type of orgasm.

“Kiss me”
“No”
“Just kiss me, and if you don’t feel anything, I’ll leave you alone”
So we kissed, and I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t get the butterflies.

I’ve dated a few guys in my life, and the butterflies came with some, not with others. Since then, I’ve taken them as a physiological response to my subconscious. i.e. That despite what I tell myself, if I get the butterflies it’s because deep down inside I really (really, really, really) like him.

But that’s just me. It appears that people also get the butterflies in their stomach when they feel nervous.

“I get it more when I am nervous. Like before a big sports game. When I used to swim competitively I used to get it all the time.”

So whether you get them in the company of someone you like or during moments of nervousness – both reactions are a form of stress. When we’re stressed blood is redistributed towards our most important organs like the heart and muscles so as to give them more oxygen. But in order to do so, blood needs to move away from the less important organs like the stomach, and this is what gives off that butterfly feeling.

For those who don’t know, I’m single again for the first time in more than five years. I’m scared that all the failed relationships behind me, combined with the scientific knowledge of what butterflies actually are might cause me never to feel them again.

Ya veremos (We’ll see).

Love, Noeline
xox

Cuantos idiomas hablas?

Facebook wants to know how many languages I speak, but I don’t know how to answer that.

I was born in Australia but both my parents are from the Philippines, so Tagalog was my first language.

But then I went to preschool and after three months, I’ve been speaking English ever since.

I can still understand Tagalog but can only reply in English.

I can also understand Ilocano which is a dialect of the province in the Philippines where my mum is from. I can also only reply to that in English.

With that said, I can’t distinguish between Tagalog and Ilocano. I just know I’m hearing one or the other.

I studied Spanish for two years in university and am now living in Spain. I know enough to get around, but God rest my soul if someone tried to have a deep and meaningful conversation with me any time soon.

Also, Spain colonised The Philippines, so there are some similarities between Spanish and Tagalog. Like ‘puta,’ jaja.

Que sera sera

I feel like a kid in a candy store in terms of my life right now.
Oh the indecision of endless possibilities!

Ingredients for a bad kiss

A friend and I were catching up, and she started telling me about the guys she’s kissed. Some were good, and some were bad… really bad. All her reasons were attributable to him. What he did, and what he didn’t do.

And then we thought, to what extent are we responsible for such bad kisses? Do they kiss badly because of something we’re doing wrong?

So I started asking around.

A friend of mine has a theory that kissing is much like dancing. Guy leads, girl follows. Using this logic, girls have a style that they like, as opposed to a style that they impose.

However, another friend confessed the opposite. "The first time I kissed my current boyfriend, I was so used to how I had kissed my previous one that I went in tongue-first without thinking. He just kept kissing me back sans tongue and very gently - I'm a better kisser now because of learning from him!”

This confirmed another response I received, in which “the first time two people kiss they use what they like, and then its whoever’s style they like the most that will take over. Maybe the other person had never been exposed to the other way of kissing and will change.”

Then again, maybe what makes a kiss good or bad isn’t so much in the technique as it is in the attraction you have for the other person.

“I think everybody just has their own style, what’s bad to me may be great for someone else. And its one of the main ways you know if you're going to be compatible with that person, not necessarily just sexually, but kisses are so important in day to day existence, everything from hello to goodbye to I’m sorry requires a different type of kiss. And they have to be pleasant and reassuring. So if you're kissing someone and its bad to you (if it's not clicking they're probably thinking the same thing) then you should get out of there quick!”

“I honestly think it’s about the chemistry, you may be an amazing kisser to one person but not to another, reason being that you’re not emotionally/sexually stimulated towards that person as they may be to you.”

So there you have it. Everyone has his or her own style. Kissing styles can be received, delivered and changed. Maybe bad kisses happen when two people both want to impose their own styles, with neither person wanting to change, and/or when there's no emotional or sexual attraction for the other person.

Love, Noeline
xox

The view

As a person living and travelling overseas, I’ve come to pass through some pretty spectacular views. The view of Logrono from the caves inside Mount Cantabria. The view of Waterford from the top of Dunhill Castle. The view of Madrid from the top of El Corte Inglés.

And then I wondered, why do we have such a fascination with nice views? People pay exorbitant amounts of money for rooms with a view. How does looking at something from a long distance spur such emotion?

I think it’s the way you kind of disappear from the world. There’s a giddy sense of voyeurism in looking at a city that doesn’t know you’re there. The world becomes a caricature. Cars look like matchbox cars moving slowly, aimlessly. People look like ants: silly, colliding into each other the way they do. They look so stressed, so rushed. And all for what?

From up high our on-ground worries look conquerable, like the winding streets below that have somehow sorted themselves out into neat little blocks.

And it’s funny because even if you’ve seen a beautiful view once or a hundred times before, through no amount of photos will you be able to recapture that same sense of sanity.

And that, you see, is the magic of ‘the view.’

Leaving (Always On Time Part 2) - Lyrics

(Bridge: Ashanti)
If you were me, what would you do?
Always a lie, and never the truth.
Now as for me, I’m moving on,
You’ll always be my baby…

(Chorus: Ashanti)
Baby, I just had to let ‘cha go for now,
thought I could take it for a while,
Maybe I‘ll make it back around.
Baby, I just gotta live my life for now,
Can’t see me changin’ for a while,
Hope I could make it back around.

(Verse 1: Ashanti)
Anything that I want I can get it.
Boy, you know you turn me on and on
That’s why I switch my frame of mind of bein’ there when you call,
I’m always on time.
I’m looking to spread my wings and party, everything and for everybody,
I need my space, my time alone, it’s like our hearts don’t match no more.
Still, anything that you want, you could get it.
Boy, you know I still got love for you.
In court I plea the fifth, my baby (baby…)….

(Chorus: Ashanti)
Baby, I just had to let ‘cha go for now,
thought I could take it for a while,
Maybe I‘ll make it back around.
Baby, I just gotta live my life for now,
Can’t see me changin’ for a while,
Hope I could make it back around.

(Verse 2: Ashanti)
When you was cheating,
You was probably thinking I won’t sense a thing,
But love got funny way of catchin’ up to lies,
And your lies can’t look me straight in the eyes.
I’m not surprised that you would hurt me baby, but why me baby?
Just let me breathe and I’ll fly free babe.

(Bridge: Ashanti)
If you were me, what would you do?
Always a lie, and never the truth.
Now as for me, I’m moving on,
You’ll always be my baby…

(Chorus: Ashanti)
Baby, I just had to let ‘cha go for now,
thought I could take it for a while,
Maybe I‘ll make it back around.
Baby, I just gotta live my life for now,
Can’t see me changin’ for a while,
Hope I could make it back around.

(Rap: Verse 3: Ja Rule)
Yo, yo…
Why in the world would you wanna leave me girl?
Is there something I did that you feel is better then what’s here at home?
And I know a bitch could do bad on her own.
You’re not alone. The way you hurt me baby, shit, why me baby?
I be in pain a little, but I know that love is real
And as long as it let you go, you feel the need to come back to me baby,
Who else would hold you and sex you crazy?
R-U-L-E come on back holla at me baby.

(Chorus: Ashanti)
Baby, I just had to let ‘cha go for now,
thought I could take it for a while,
Maybe I‘ll make it back around.
Baby, I just gotta live my life for now,
Can’t see me changin’ for a while,
Hope I could make it back around.

(Chorus: Ashanti)
Baby, I just had to let ‘cha go for now,
thought I could take it for a while,
Maybe I‘ll make it back around.
Baby, I just gotta live my life for now,
Can’t see me changin’ for a while,
Hope I could make it back around.

(Bridge: Ashanti)
If you were me, what would you do?
Always a lie, and never the truth.
Now as for me, I’m moving on,
You’ll always be my baby…

Writing

The very impulse to write, I think, springs from an inner chaos crying for order, for meaning, and that meaning must be discovered in the process of writing or the work lies dead as it is finished.

— Arthur Miller

How not to live in the moment

So, I worry about things. Don't we all? A friend of mine thinks I worry more than the average bear, and told me not to worry. "Live in the moment," he kept saying.

But I'm not used to just living in the moment. I'm used to planning moments. And while the moment is happening I'm thinking about how well it turned out, how bad it's going, what's going to happen next, or where else I could be.

And, at what point does living in the moment become an excuse for destructive behaviour? A justification for doing things you wouldn't normally do? A reason to do something without thinking it through? (See? Here I am worrying about how to in the moment!)

I've been like this as far back as I can remember. Throughout my years at school I never stepped in areas that were out of bounds, always wore my hat so I could play, always submitted my homework on time, I wore my uniform correctly and was never late to class.

Even as a child, I never jumped in puddles. I didn't like playing outside so I never climbed trees, never got stung by a bee, never broke a bone jumping off the roof thinking I could fly.

And where did it get me? It got me to 21 with no exciting childhood stories. I wish someone had told me earlier I would regret being so well behaved.

I was always scared of getting dirty, of getting lost, of getting hurt. In many ways I still am, maybe even more so. Because the pain isn't just physical anymore. I'm at an age where I can over think things really well - and make things hurt more than they do, more than they should.

And, how do you just switch your mindset from one to the other? Is it something you can do overnight? (In which case I would have already failed). Does it take time? Or is it too late altogether?

Here goes, I'm resetting my cognitions.

Love, Noeline
xox

La Feile Padraig

Happy St Patrick's Day!

Writing from my hotel room in Dublin.

A crazy day ahead of me and my girls.

Will post some pictures (and proper posts) soon, lots to tell you guys :)

Love, Noeline
xox

Logroño: La Mejor Ciudad Para Vivir

It's official. I chose the best city in Spain to live. Not that I needed experts to tell me that, but it's nice to know there's some quantitative support to justify why I love it here so much.

According to LaRioja.com,

El título es el resultado de una encuesta a más de 9.000 ciudadanos de toda España, un análisis estadístico en el que se han tenido en cuenta más de 250 indicadores, la opinión de 95 expertos en gestión urbana y una evaluación directa de méritos.

The title is the result of a survey of more than 9,000 citizens throughout Spain, a statistical analysis which took into account more than 250 indicators, the opinion of 95 experts in urban management and a direct evaluation of merit.

We (oh my god I'm talking like a local) enjoy a high quality of life. The city offers the services of a big city; minus the rush, traffic, high crime rate, snobbishness and price hikes.

For better or worse, people are starting to take notice of this once humble city.

Today my substitute Spanish teacher revealed that there is an increasing number of people migrating and immigrating to Logroño. Just 5-10 years ago, international students snubbed Logroño for bigger towns like Madrid and Barcelona. Now we're flocking in. The commercial shopping centre here called "Berceo" (which houses such brands as Zara, H&M, El Corte Ingles) didn't exist until 2003. To this day, the closest McDonalds is a bus ride away, and there is no KFC.

I hope it never loses it's character. I want to bring my kids here one day, and show them where their mama lived when she was 21. I want to bore them with stories about the club where everyone got drunk off chupitos every Thursday night, the place where I did my groceries, and the street called Calle Laurel that served amazing pinchos.

Love, Noeline
xox

Logroño: The best city to live