"If we're both not married by twenty-five / I hope that there's some childish spark still alive"

Slow Club – When I go (lyrics)

If we're both not married by twenty-two
Could I be so bold and ask you?
If we're both not married by twenty-three
Will you make my year, and ask me?

If we're both not married by twenty-four
Will you pass me those knee pads and I'll get on the floor
If we're both not married by twenty-five
I hope that there's some childish spark still alive…

If I get to thirty and I don't have a wife
I'll ask you nicely but I won't ask twice
If I get to forty and I don't have a spouse
I'll fashion you a letter and I'll send it to your house

If I get to sixty will you let me slip away
Into an armchair for the rest of my days
Cos you've got your family and I've got mine
The love that we share is for another time…

Some people 'shotgun the front seat'. Other people call 'dibbs' on husbands. The latter practice was brought to my attention when my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend called him and asked if their deal was still on.

Let me tell you why I found it extremely rude. Firstly, he was already in a relationship with me the time she felt the need to clarify their arrangement. She made me feel like the intermission in the middle of their god damn fairytale. Like he could never really love me, because a part of him would always be saving the best of himself for her. She made me feel helpless. Like no matter how well I treated him, no matter how much I grew to care for him – she would always be that ghost with the upper hand.

So that was years ago and now we’re still together. But a couple of weeks ago an episode of How I Met Your Mother resurrected the topic. And with a little less fired-up personal involvement – so I hoped for a little more perspective. Which got me thinking: what makes people bring themselves to such a commitment anyway?

Here’s what some of you said:
- I don’t think it’s such a bad idea. It won’t necessarily be a marriage based on romance, but on companionship. And what’s wrong with companionship?
- I’d rather stay single for the rest of my life than marry someone who I, deep down didn’t really want to be with in the first place. As if a marriage, let alone a relationship could work if both the people were once each other’s second choice – if that!
- People who get back-up spouses are insecure about their own life, and don’t want to live or die alone.
- Back-ups are always good. Because how bad would it be if you were forty and didn’t know anyone you could be with?
- I’d rather go to Asia and find a wife if I was that desperate.
- My mates and I were watching that episode (of How I Met Your Mother), and they all said they’d do it because at that age they wouldn’t be bothered to fish around.
- If you ever think of agreeing to being a back-up spouse, I think it’s a good idea to remember what happened to Julia Roberts’ character in My Best Friend’s Wedding
- The idea of it defies the objective to find ‘the one’ because in the back of your mind you know you’ll have a last resort.
- I said that to a guy I used to have something going on with. I said it as a joke to keep him around. I think it’s stupid now.
- An ex and I promised this to each other when we were 15. I don't know whether we will go through it. Or if it will even be legal here by the time it might actually happen.
- I have a very strange relationship with a boy I've grown up with, and we've both talked about this. We have a LOT of unresolved sexual tension but we're too comfortable with each other to do anything about it. However, we have agreed that if I reach the age of 36 and six months (where he will be 37 and four months) and neither of us are married or involved with anyone else, we'll have a crack at it. It sometimes scares me that this might actually happen.

If backing up our computer files is a smart thing to do, can the same be said of our love lives? Tell me, when it comes to relationships, is it really better to be on the safe side?

Love, Noeline
xox