Bumping into the ex-boyfriend's friend

ADMIT IT. We've all fantasised about bumping into an ex boyfriend. In theory, we're healthy, immaculate and content – whereas he's fat, haggard and forlorn.

I barely recognised you with your beer belly! Where'd all your hair go? Oh, you're a drug dealer now. That's err… nice.

But as we all know, this rarely goes to plan. In practice, we bump into them on the days we're not wearing any make-up; the days we're so sick we look like our eyes got pepper sprayed; and the days we have a MASSIVE pimple.

A few weeks ago an ex boyfriend and I crossed paths. My heart was beating so fast it could have qualified for the Olympics. And it wasn't because all the old feelings came surging back. It was more out of shock, because, for years, he was as good as dead. So yes, it was like practically seeing a zombie.

But if there's one thing that's caught me even more off guard – it's bumping into an ex boyfriend's friend. Mutual friends aside, I'm talking about the ones who were 'just there'. The ones you never really had a problem with. The ones that, for some reason or other, you just didn't 'click' with.

What are you supposed to do? They probably hate you on behalf of your ex anyway. Is there any point in saying hello? If you don't they'll think you're a super bitch for snobbing them; and if eye contact has already been established it probably counts as a 'dirty'. But if you do, they'll think you're a sad bitch for making the pointless effort.

There are lots of philosophies I live by. And one of them is that you never really, truly know someone until after a break up. It spoke volumes when it came to ex boyfriends. Then it grew to encompass myself. But most recently, I've discovered that it extends so far as friends – mine, his and ours.

You come to realise which of his friends were nice to your face but "never really liked [you] anyway". You come to realise which people, who you once considered close friends, feel the need to gossip about the details of your break up, than ask you yourself.

And here's the 360. I saw parts of myself reflected in these people. There are friends whose boyfriends I myself don't approve of, other than the fact that he (for some unknown reason) makes her happy. I don't say anything because I feel like it's not my place to say. Who am I to play cupid when I have enough trouble with my own love life?

And that's when I realised, the more people you try to gratify the more you stop being yourself. What's the point in trying to win the hearts of his friends, when you don't even want his?

At this time in my life, there are five people whose opinions matter to me. How many people are you trying to please?