Going up?

And so the saying goes: Once bitten twice shy.

From that, can it be said: Once lied to twice as arrogant?

For some its twice, for others its three times, but for the over traumatised people like me out there, its always.

With pain comes experience, so upon hitting the single stockmarket once again, what does it mean to start on a completely clean slate? Is that even possible?

With any disappointment, do we not create tactics for self improvement? With any failure, do we not try our best to see that it doesn't happen again?

So what does it mean exactly, to give love another shot, without disregarding the lessons learnt from past relationships?

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't brought up taught that boys were the root of all female pain and suffering. Experience taught me that; starting with my Dad, the boyfriends, and the boys who tried to be my boyfriend.

You're all probably thinking that I'm being the Queen of Cynicism but what the heck, I'm young and dumb, so I might as well voice my opinion while age and immaturity are still valid excuses for my stupid ways of thinking. Mind you, I'll probably read this ten years from now and feel like moving to Mexico and make a new identity. Even William Shakespeare had his chance of denouncing life in his poem 'As You Like It'. And since I'm enjoying life and can't write poetry, this entry that badmouths men was the next best thing. Sweet compromise.

I've got my reasons for thinking that boys (just the ones mentioned above) are stupid; in the same way that bullies have reasons for making other people feel bad. It's my way of dealing with my issues.

Since the Story of Creation or The Big Bang (for the non Christians out there), like any organism, I'm the product of my environment. My bigoted attitude is an adaptation. I've got a semi permeable brain that helps prevent chunks of BIG FAT LIE from reaching my heart. I have an in-built auto translator that converts dialect into their true meaning. Like when he says I like you, I'll do whatever it takes, or I only want you. Phrases that they feel like taking back when the affection isn't returned.

Hence, life has made me one of those people with an urge to hi-five Madonna who sings "Don't explain yourself 'cos talk is cheap". I'm a proud member of the 'ASLTWC' (Actions Speak Louder Than Words Club).

We'll see who does whatever it takes when they stop trying.

All this, coming from the girl whose never been in love. Bet you all can't wait until the entry that I profess my love for someone. That'll be the day.

In conclusion, anyone reading this can share in the self realisation that I'm a dirty girl who never starts her relationships on a completely clean slate. Through words, they scratch... and I'm no longer the same girl who thought boyfriends were for talking about with your friends, fixing things, replacing busted light bulbs, killing cockroaches, and living with you when you were older so they could protect you against monsters, ghosts and burglars... and dearly at times I wish I still was.

Remember when getting high meant swinging at the playground?
The worst thing you could get from boys were cooties.
Mum was your hero and Dad was the boy you were going to marry.
Your worst enemies were your siblings.
Race issues were who ran the fastest.
War was a card game.
The only drug you knew of was cough medicine.
Wearing skirts didn't mean you were a slut.
The only thing you smoked were the tyres on your bike.
The only thing that hurt were skinned knees.
The only thing that could get broken were your toys.
Goodbyes only meant until tomorrow.
Life was simple and carefree.
But what I remember the most was actually wanting to grow up.